Temporary? Insanity

The Strangeness and Wonderfulness that is You

Dear Friends,

Did you ever grasp a truth but grasp it imperfectly? As if you’d managed to catch a wee bitty corner of it between your fingers and somehow missed all the rest? I do that often. Have done throughout my life and continue to even now,

The Parable of the Red Smartie

And it came to pass in the year of the Vancouver hosted Olympics, that a certain woman of great size did decide to reduce herself. Yea, even to bring about the removal of five and fifty pounds from her beleagured frame.
Her efforts were valiant, if sometimes misguided, and marvelous was her progress. Pop, she did shun. Potato chips she did shun. Yea, even the sweet succulence of scrumptious cookies did she shun.
But then cameth the cream[...]

My Life? Pretty Much Rocks.

Apologies if yours doesn’t and this makes you feel bad. But sometimes, a mommy just HAS to brag it up.

That is all.

Letters from Kim -#6

Dear Tailgater in the Black SUV,
I don’t do the road rage thing. It’s my low pain threshold I think. White knuckled clenching of the steering wheel hurts and I am all for avoiding pain.
So I pity you. Or maybe just your knuckles because you? Are a jerk.
Tailgating someone for miles and then swerving out past them at the first opportunity with a certain finger raised doesn’t really entitle you to pity. If it weren’t for[...]

Letters from Kim – #5

Dear Scale,
We have a long history you and I. I’ve even built shrines in your honour. But you’ve been unmasked as the foul fraud that you are. Yes, I caught you. Caught you in the act! And I will never, ever, trust you again.
Au Revoir,
She Who Does NOT Weigh the Same With and Without Clothes On
Dear Cheese,
I miss you.
With Great Affection,
Kimberly
Dear Lego,
I know we’re not close. We haven’t really bonded the way that you[...]

Letters from Kim – #4

Dear Garage,
It was particularly spiteful of you to clip the side view mirror like that yesterday. Just because I invade you on a daily basis and briefly fill you with noxious fumes is no reason to get nasty! I tattled on you but Neil has refused my request to have you hazed to the ground. Apparently I overestimated the power of my womanly wiles. He claims to believe it was my fault, but I know the[...]

Confession Time

I haven’t shaved my legs since before Claira was born.
My leg hair is long enough to braid now.
Luckily I’m still managing to feel feminine.
Of course, it’s hard not to when you’re suddenly an E cup.
I recently donated all my button-up shirts to charity.
Neil keeps wrecking my Nobly-Suffering-in-Silence routine by telling everyone when I’m having a hard time and he’s doing so GLEEFULLY. Tonight he told me that he “told the neighbour” on me and that there’s no point hiding[...]

Letters from Kim – #2

Dear Emma,

Stop it with the growing taller thing, okay? It’s seriously freaking me out. I can hardly believe I have a daughter who’s old enough to go to school, but add to that the fact you’re as tall as some nine year olds and it really sets my head to spinning. Also, could I have just a few more details about this whole kindergarten experience? Exclamations of “It was SO fun! We played LOTS of[...]

Happy Birthday to Me!

I am going to spend the entirety of my day doing whatever I darn well feel like. The end result could be very interesting indeed…or perhaps, rather dull, since my list of things I really want to do includes things like bubble baths and favourite books and copious amounts of baked goods. My long cherished desire of jumping out of a plane some day is being postponed at the request of my husband who says I’m welcome to[...]

Letters from Kim – #1

Dear Old Lady in the Peach Slacks and Black Van Halen T-Shirt,

Honey, I just about ran you over. I know we’re a small town and people here make a habit of NOT running people over, because we’re so nice and small-town-Canadian like that. But when you step off the curb directly in front of a car, that isn’t so much jay walking as it is wishing for death. Crossing over into your seventh decade does not make[...]

Seven Days

If you had known me as a kid, you probably wouldn’t have liked me much. Unless you find sulkiness endearing and frequent fits of melancholy charming, that is. Yep, even then, however many decades ago, I tended to over think things. Though it wasn’t till I hit my early twenties that anyone verbally applied the label Neurotic to me (to my face, anyway), I think it started when I was about six or so.

Birthday aftermath was probably[...]

The Good, The Bad, and the Somewhere In Between

Nowhere is it written that I have to write about my summer vacation. Vacations are lovely that way. You come home and start settling back into the old routine and when people ask questions you’re allowed, even expected, to generalize. Somehow, the weather, or the traveling conditions get talked about but actual EVENTS tend to be skimmed over.

I? Am not a skimmer. You, however, have permission to skim to the end of this post because[...]

Something Light – Because that Last Post...

Neil (as he’s ironing his work shirts): So Emma, what do you want to be when you grow up? An eye doctor like Daddy?
Emma: No. I want to be a mommy.
Mommy: Why do you want to be a mommy?
Emma: Because mommies can wear wrinkled shirts and eye doctors can’t.

Neil and I burst out laughing at her logic. It was a nice life role affirming moment for me as well.

I hate ironing. Good thing I’ve got this[...]

My Mother-in-Law could totally beat up YOUR...

My mother-in-law (you just KNOW this post is going to be interesting, starting with such a potentially poignant phrase as that), is an interesting dichotomy of a person. At times she is the sweetest, most loving and concerned inlaw you could ever encounter, at others, rather heavy on the advice giving and it’s-YOUR-fault-my-son-is-fat accusations. I love her dearly, even though I often take advantage of opportunities to parade around stories about her. I think the words, “Oh[...]

Happiness Loves Company Too

I’m really insufferable sometimes. No really, I am. When I’m miserable getting me to talk is as difficult as forming macrame-like creations out of wet noodles, but when I’m happy? Good luck getting me to shut up about it. I burble, babble, gibble, and gab. I sometimes even bounce.
It’s very disturbing.
The worst of it is the advice dispensing. I am an advice dispensing MACHINE. And we all know how annoying the advice givers[...]

I’m an Ingrate

Instead of sitting here and contemplating the weekend just passed with a nice warm glow of contentment, I’m feeling a bit sour. How can the week compare?
How can boring blah weekdays compare to hours of fun with family and friends? Watching the kids play with their new friends, splashing in the kiddie pool and screaming with shock and delight whenever Neil turns the hose on them? Laughing hysterically while the kids put on plays for[...]

Apparently, I Lied

All that jabber about being happy to be sick because it means the pregnancy is progressing? I take it all back. Yesterday was spent curled up on the couch, moaning, and fighting off waves of nausea everytime I so much as lifted my head.
Not. So. Happy.
On the bright side, I kept the TV off all day and my girls played happily with each other all day while I attempted not to die. I also finished[...]

Bun in the Oven

 
Awhile back, I wrote about a negative pregnancy test. I handled it better than I had any test before it. No weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth (actually I never do that – it really hurts) – I handled it with a grace and dignity that belied my innate melodrama. It was weird.
Weirder still was when I went to toss the test in the garbage . . . and saw the faint line. I didn’t[...]

Have You Ever…

…taken your temperature on a whim and had it read exactly 98.6, paused to reflect on the fact that wow, that is about as average as it gets, and then proceeded to feel rather depressed by your averageness?
…put off grocery shopping for so long that the only breakfast option available to your kids is applesauce and crackers or something of that nature?
…INTENTIONALLY put off trip preparations because deep down you secretly enjoy the crazy chaotic flurry of throwing everything together[...]

Dear Skin…

Shortly after I turned thirteen you declared war. I still remember, keenly, the feeling of betrayal. And it wasn’t long before our battles became the central focus of my existence. Everything was affected by what you did to me.
Though my religious beliefs include the doctrine of forgiveness, I’m not certain I can ever quite manage it where you’re concerned. You have been my nemesis for far too many years. I bear emotional scars as well as physical ones.
I think, if[...]