Temporary? Insanity

Today has been merely a myriad of moments. It’s as if my life has lost all cohesiveness and has been fractured into a million milling moments all strung together at random. But enough with the alliteration and pontificatious panderings to the poetical.

You read the word “enough” and thought it was over, didn’t you?

Obviously you don’t know me very well. Maybe that’s why you’re reading this. Well, I don’t expect to offer any great insights into the mystery that is Kim today, but part of being Kim is being completely directionless so there’s no telling, really.

Back to the moments – or was that a moment just then? Oooo….how deep…

I had a very ironical moment today, wherein I shouted at Emma, “Be gentle!!” I reflected (for a moment), on the irony of using my harsh angry-mom voice to communicate the words “be gentle.”

I had a momentous evening last night, having decided I was going to become a consultant for Discovery Toys and bring joy and laughter to the South Cariboo. I did research, I made big fluffy plans in my mind.

Today I had a moment where I decided to sell cosmetics instead.

I just had a moment where I put Emma to bed for smacking her sister full in the face. For me this moment is full of heartache, and rage, and guilt, and sorrow. For Rebecca it is full of pain and confusion. For Emma it is full of hurt and anger and sobbing.

I had a moment the other day where I realized that I love being a mom. Not in that floofy trying to put on the good face June Cleaver sort of way, but honestly and sincerely appreciating my role in the home. But I want more for me, and I feel that Heavenly Father does too. Being a mom isn’t enough – I want to be a “me.”

I started researching distance education courses today. That took several moments.

I have moments where I strive to find purpose, direction, and a familiar reflection in the mirror. I want to be a star. I want to hibernate. I want to reach out and help others. I want to deal with my own problems because that’s enough, thank you very much. I want to be healthy. I want to gorge myself on goodies whenever I feel upset.

I want, I want, I want….

I want to stop being so self-centered!

I’m currently having a moment of intense audio stimulation. Emma is singing E-I-E-I-OOOOO! at the top of her lungs. The dishwasher is thrumming away in the background, Becca is slowly trailing off from her angry cry, to her tired cry, to her no-I’m-not-sleepy-really!-snore cry, and the clickity-clack of the keyboard is attempting to be heard.

And the dishwasher stops, and Becca stops, and Emma – well, Emma never stops, but if she did there would be this lovely moment where all I could hear would be the keyboard. And there’d be a feeling of peace and contentment that I could carry with me throughout the rest of my day.

Yeah. Right.

Leaving you with lovely lingering literature that will bounce and bob in the background of your thoughts and create in you an intense desire to smack upside the head the next person who says the word “moment” to you.