Temporary? Insanity

I had an idea the other day and I’m only getting around to posting about it now because, yes, Christmas time is a little hectic. At church on Sunday it suddenly hit me that the reason I wouldn’t be there the following week was that we’re going away. On Friday. That was less than a week away!

It’s a weird sensation having a panic attack while playing O Little Town of Bethlehem in the chapel, let me tell you!

Anyway, back to the idea I had. In my last post I was pondering a bit about goal making, etc…finding the motivation to change. I started thinking about all the things I want to accomplish or at least give a try, and realized how many opportunities I’ve missed throughout the years because of the “F-Word”. Yup – Fear.

So this Sunday I decided to scrap the whole “You can’t fail if you don’t try” attitude and actually try something new. So I got up in front of the entire church congregation (okay, only 30 people, but still!), and sang my heart out. My first solo. I sang Away in a Manger and I sang it without accompaniment. It wasn’t a perfect performance by any stretch, but the sweetness of the song overcame my limitations and there were tears in people’s eyes. They were touched, but not half as much as I was. One sister told me that she saw an aura of light around me as I sang.

How I managed to keep singing and not cry my eyes out I don’t know. I felt the spirit so strongly…I was overwhelmed. And I’m now overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude to my Heavenly Father. I feel so blessed to have had that experience, especially at this time of year when my many neuroses tend to take over and I lose sight as so many of us do, of what this season is really about.

What an incredibly instructive experience! I let go of my fear and did something I’d yearned to do for years, and what a reward I received! I want to have more experiences like that. I want to feel that surge in self-confidence that comes with overcoming fears.

So I’m going to try out this idea I’ve had, that I still haven’t shared with you because I’ve been too busy rambling. I’m going to write my goals, hopes, wishes, whatever you want to call them, on little pieces of paper. One per piece. And I’m going to put those pieces into a jar. When I feel ready, I’ll pull one out at random and dedicate myself to making it happen. Perhaps I’ll try to empty the jar in time, but more likely I’ll keep adding more pieces of paper, more pieces of hope, as the years go by.

I’m always losing my lists, or forgetting to read the “To Do List” document on my desktop. So my hope is that my Jar of Dreams will serve as an ever present, tangible reminder of what I want to do and who I want to be.

Yes, it’s kind of corny, but it might just work.