When I finally scrubbed the sleep out of my eyes this morning and stumbled bleary eyed into the kitchen, I was greeted with quite a sight. Small chunks of strawberry and splatters of strawberry juice bedecked my white kitchen.
I just about cried.
It was a rough night last night. My cousin and his wife are visiting us for a long weekend stretch, and much as I love them, they’re best taken in small doses. I was already a bit frazzled when we came home last night after taking them to dinner, to find that Emma was still awake, despite the babysitter’s best efforts. An hour and a half later at 10:30pm, she was still awake. I was curled up in bed dozing, exhausted from a week of little and poor sleep. “Mama? Maaaaameeee!”, she called from her doorway.
I just about cried.
Emma with her cheery grin and her strawberry stained shirt, hiding under the dining room table because she stole Becca’s milk.
Becca, after a long, contented chug of milk, humouring her Mama’s odd tendency to take pictures at the oddest of times.
I uploaded the photos onto blogger, ignoring the strawberry stains for now. And I read a few of my favourite blogs, and came across a post at
Mental Tesserae.
I just about cried.
I’m not going to paraphrase it here for you, because I can’t express it better than Julie did. And even if I could take the concepts she explored, internalize them, and give them my own spin, I’m not ready to yet. I’ve been enlightened and inspired, but I haven’t yet accepted and changed. It’s all very well to read something and think, “Yeah! Right on! That’s so true!” And maybe even get a little teary and suddenly want to strive that little bit more, and have that desire for change.
But that’s just the first step. And there are many more that follow. I’m going to spend some time pondering, thinking about who I want to be and what my priorities are. And I might even cry a little, because for me, that’s one of the steps.
And I’m going to turn the computer off for the day, and turn it back on once I’ve done what matters most. Not that my blog isn’t important, because I can honestly say that blogging has changed my life, and even my very identity, so much for the better, but because it’s Saturday and I have my family here with me.
And that makes me so happy that yes, I just might cry.
Emma with her cheery grin and her strawberry stained shirt, hiding under the dining room table because she stole Becca’s milk.
Becca, after a long, contented chug of milk, humouring her Mama’s odd tendency to take pictures at the oddest of times.
14 comments
I feel your pain.. :)
by Burg on March 24, 2007 at 4:34 pm. #
gack! I love my kids but I loathe blogger today…you only got half the post, I’m afraid. bleh! I’m turning this sucker off!
by Kimberly on March 24, 2007 at 4:50 pm. #
:(
This is what we call SSS (Super Sad Syndrome), sorry Kim.
Blogger is such a pain, and if i had seen strawberry stuff all over my kitchen I would have cried too.
I usually make fun of blogger’s Tech support but I won’t this time.
Take it easy, this too shall pass.
by No Cool Story on March 24, 2007 at 6:37 pm. #
Mmm. Strawberries. Yum. But boo for strawberry clean-up.
by Gerbil on March 24, 2007 at 11:21 pm. #
I’m sorry about the frustrations. I hope you had a good blogging free/family full day.
And, congrats on the Thinking Blog Award! Which post did you get it for?
by Catherine on March 25, 2007 at 12:27 am. #
Kim
I can honestly say that blogging has changed my life too. Somedays, frankly, it’s for the worse (agonizing for hours over the wording of a final paragraph. Argh). But other days, I find myself looking at my life from above as if I’m already writing about it and it gives me a new perspective on things. It lends moments like the bathtub scenario a bit more meaning.
How ironic that I have been seriously thinking about (and praying about) cutting down on my blogging addiction. I worry that it’s just feeding on my vanity and taking time away from my kids and giving me a false sense of my impending career (ha) as a world-famous writer. I’m glad I thought twice and decided to keep it up, at least for now, maybe with some boundaries to keep me sane.
Sorry about the rambling comment. What I really wanted to say is thanks. Give your sweet girls a hug for me.
by Julie Q. on March 25, 2007 at 2:51 am. #
NCS – Love that pic! SSS is a good description all right. Funny how it hits you at the oddest moments. Some days you laugh things off, some days it feels like the end of the world.
Gerbil – One of the crummy things was the waste of deliciousness!
Catherine – Thanks! I’m not sure what post, EWBL gave it to me. Ain’t she sweet? I’m looking forward to “paying it forward” when I have the time to think about it.
by Kimberly on March 25, 2007 at 3:31 am. #
Julie – I’ve been struggling with the exact same dilemma. I think it’s one of those things where a happy medium has to be found…balance and moderation. One of those not easy but worth it scenarios.
The vanity issue is a very big one for me. I blog for the sake of my ego. I’ve been reaping other rewards, but the ego stroking has made a huge difference as well. It’s helped me battle some huge self-esteem issues. I still have them, but I feel like I might overcome them someday.
Talk about a rambling comment! I just don’t know. I think I’ll follow your example and make it a matter of prayer.
Thanks so much, Julie. I can’t help thinking you’re an answer to prayers I’ve prayed recently. Love ya!
by Kimberly on March 25, 2007 at 3:39 am. #
I am so sorry for all you are having to deal with. I wish I could come cheer you up … at least I am sending your some virtual hugs!
I did take the day off today to spend time with my family and some close friends. Like you I have been struggling with blogging … I need it desperately and I greatly benefit from it, but then again I feel like I am not mothering my children the way I should.
I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there, you are strong and you can get through this … the Lord will help you, even if He has to dry your tears.
by An Ordinary Mom on March 25, 2007 at 4:44 am. #
I think most mothers feel like they are’nt mothering their children the way they should. We punish ourselves by remembering every moment we didn’t get quite right and forgetting the ones we did. We all want to be the best for our kids, their ours and nobody will ever love them as much or as hugely as us. Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could love ourselves as much as we love them.
Sara
by Anonymous on March 25, 2007 at 5:11 am. #
Oh honey. One day? When my twins were three and I had just bought my brand new house? I was upstairs getting dressed and they were eating Cocco Krispies and my son decided he wanted his milk in his bowl to be REALLY chocolatey? So he took a bottle of Hershey’s syrup out the fridge and when I got downstairs my white walls, my white kitchen table and my white tile was COVERED in chocolate.
I sobbed. I bawled. I was destroyed.
And I had to get to WORK.
Sigh.
But you know? It was okay. I cleaned it up and it was okay.
We all just do the best we can. That’s all we can do.
by That Chick Over There on March 25, 2007 at 10:03 pm. #
Messes in the kitchen…..meh. I couldn’t be bothered with that anymore. That is, after all, why I bought a Labrador Retriever. I use him to retrieve…..bits and chunks from the kitchen floor, tables, chairs, walls, windowsils, cabinets. He does a sparkletastic job. My dog, Reagan, comes highly recommended with great references if you’re looking for cleaning help.
by elasticwaistbandlady on March 26, 2007 at 1:49 am. #
Lucy – Your e-mail cheered me up loads. =)
Sara – You rock…that would be incredible indeed.
Chick – It is that simple, isn’t it? Funny how at the precise moment you’re falling apart you completely forget that, no matter how many times you’ve re-remembered it.
EWBL – Once I get a handle on taking care of what I got, I’ll consider pets. ~sigh~ It does sound lovely though!
by Kimberly on March 26, 2007 at 3:09 am. #
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