I’m Scared
by Kym on June 29, 2007
Warning: Serious/Sad/Negative post to follow.
Tomorrow morning we’re driving down to Vancouver for the weekend. Monday is Canada Day, so we have a lovely long weekend to enjoy. Or possibly dread.
Obviously I’m feeling a wee bit conflicted.
The last time I saw my mom she was awake, but on a ventilator and unable to talk because of the tube down her throat. Now, she’s breathing on her own, and making rapid progress in her physical recovery. As relief sets in, so does panic. What about her mental recovery?
Some of you have met my mom, most have only heard little mentions here and there hinting at how much I love her and aspire to be more like her. Although emotionally tempermental much like her daughter (our Scottish/Irish heritage is to blame, really), she’s also one of the most hilarious women I know. If she’d had the inclination, she could’ve been a stand-up comic. I can’t remember a phone conversation with her where she hasn’t had me laughing so hard that I was sore for hours afterwards. She’s amazingly perceptive, thoughtful, clever, and talented.
And tomorrow I’m going to see her. And talk to her. And find out if she remembers me, among other things. I am scared out of my mind. I’ve had nightmares about it the last few nights. I’m praying my heart out for the strength to cope, but the shock is wearing off and reality is setting in.
I’d love to put a “good face” on it, but frankly, I don’t want to. I want to be able to admit how terrified I am. I know I need to keep praying. I know that giving in to my fear won’t accomplish anything, but it’s there, and it’s hard to fight.
And distracting myself with hours of internet scrabble just isn’t cutting it anymore.
25 comments
*HUGS* to you . . . what a momentous occasion you’re about to face . . . I wish I had reassuring words . . . that of course she’s going to be the mother you remember . . . while I pray that is the case, it may not be . . .
That said, please remember the prayers of those of us who love you . . . and remember that Father works ALL things to the good of them that love Him! *GREAT BIG HUGS*
by Kate on June 29, 2007 at 6:30 pm. #
You will get through this. Hang in there. I know that you have a lot of people praying for you and for your Mom, and things will be okay, even if your worst fears are confirmed.
by Heffalump on June 29, 2007 at 6:33 pm. #
(((HUGS))) I’m sorry you have go through this. I hope the visit goes well. Your mom is still in my prayers.
by Kara on June 29, 2007 at 7:12 pm. #
I hope this gives you comfort. My husband’s grandfather went through the exact same illness. He did recover, but was just a little physically slower afterward (and he was in his mid 80s so that bodes well for your mom).
by Elizabeth-W on June 29, 2007 at 7:22 pm. #
May you have peace and comfort.
by Lisa M. on June 29, 2007 at 7:35 pm. #
There you go again, being all honest and open! :) I’ll be praying for you this weekend. Trust in the Lord and seek Him with all your thoughts and concerns.
Love you and loved talking with you yesterday! No worries about you ‘talking too much’! I get nervous too, and when I do I can’t think of anything to say. So see?! We make for great conversation buddies! :) Feel free to call me anytime (I’ll email you my #).
by Deanne on June 29, 2007 at 7:48 pm. #
((Hugs)) You sure need them, and prayers too. Hope all goes well.
You have an award at my place, come see.
by PJ on June 29, 2007 at 7:49 pm. #
Isn’t that the point of having a blog? To be honest? To have an outlet to say, if you’re terrified, that you’re terrified? It’s what keeps us coming back for more, for sure.
I can only imagine how much you’re dreading this. Good luck with it all. I’ll be thinking about you this weekend.
by Brillig on June 29, 2007 at 8:55 pm. #
The first time I had to see my dad after he was diagnosed with cancer, I was terrified.
What I found was, he’s the same. Maybe he looked a bit different, but he was the same.
Love to you!
by That Chick Over There on June 29, 2007 at 10:31 pm. #
Love you. I hope all goes well this weekend. We have much to discuss, soon!
by Dedee on June 29, 2007 at 10:36 pm. #
((Hugs))
I just wanted to somehow send you courage and hope. I hope all goes well.
P.S. I like the new look…I don’t know how long it has been this way, since I have been reading from a feed reader… ;)
by Tirzah on June 29, 2007 at 11:40 pm. #
Many prayers. This is a tough thing to tackle. I hope it goes better than expected. I’m sure your heart is full and heavy I hope it comes back fuller and lighter.
by M on June 30, 2007 at 2:35 am. #
Oh sweetie. I am thinking of you and your mom and praying for you this long weekend.
Let us all know how she is and know we’re thinking of you.
by shay on June 30, 2007 at 4:14 am. #
i hope that all goes well…
by Jennie on June 30, 2007 at 4:31 am. #
oh kimberly. it will be okay. keep praying. we’ll all keep praying for you. you’ll get through it. BIG hugs!
by aubrey on June 30, 2007 at 6:01 am. #
I don’t know what to say other than I pray that all goes well with your trip.
by elasticwaistbandlady on June 30, 2007 at 12:16 pm. #
((Hugs))
It’s going to be ok Kimberly. Love does conquer all. It really does.
Take care.
by No Cool Story on July 1, 2007 at 3:05 am. #
I am sending you lots of hugs, support, strength and prayers. Let us know how you are feeling and how it goes!
by An Ordinary Mom on July 1, 2007 at 4:24 am. #
((((BIG HUGS FOR KIMBERLY))))
I can’t even think of what to say that would help you. I feel for you and hope things go well. Be safe.
by Thoroughly Mormon Millie on July 2, 2007 at 4:10 am. #
Good luck. ((kimberly))
by Carrot Jello on July 2, 2007 at 4:22 am. #
HUG!!! It’s okay to be scared.
by Dapoppins on July 2, 2007 at 4:59 pm. #
*hugs*
I am so very sorry to hear about your mom. Really.
I wish there was something I could do.
by HeatherAnn Fragglehead on July 2, 2007 at 5:43 pm. #
I am late to this, sorry. Hope things went well.
by Annie on July 2, 2007 at 7:31 pm. #
My heart goes out to you. There is NOTHING more difficult than seeing your parent’s fragile mortality. My mom has struggled with MS for years and every time I see her, it is heartbreaking to see how much worse off she is.
Hugs to you.
by Amber on July 3, 2007 at 3:28 pm. #
big hugs to you kimmy. you don’t have to put on any kind of face. you don’t have to fake anything. just be yourself and do what feels natural with her. it will be okay. God bless, kathleen :)
by so grateful to be Mormon! on July 4, 2007 at 10:10 pm. #