Battle of the Bulge
by Kym on September 26, 2007
A few hours after Becca was born. Weight: 230 pounds.
April 10th, 2001. Location: Seattle Temple. Weight: 130 pounds.
It hit me rather hard tonight that there’s a one hundred pound gap between my lowest and my highest weight. I’m teetering somewhere in between there, hopefully poised for another downward spiral (but, you know, the good kind). September 22nd, 2007. Weight: 183.6.
Okay, so I’m not quite ready for full length shots yet, but I don’t necessarily wince every time I look in the mirror either. Also, I don’t have to suffer deep intestinal damage to wear a pair of size twelve jeans. And the joy of not having to shop at plus size clothing stores? Indescribable, my friends, indescribable.
I have dozens of reasons for wanting to lose weight. Health has become a major factor ever since my mum was hospitalized this summer. Caught up in the turmoil of that experience, gripped by the cold hard edge of fear piercing my gut, I knew I had to make some changes. Previous to that moment I’d been eating myself to death. No shading away the fact with fancy words, that’s literally what I was doing. My mum’s illness was a big reckoning for me. A much needed U-Turn sign on a very, very dangerous road.
I thought about Emma and Becca a lot while my mum was sick. I pictured them gripping my hand as I lay comatose in a hospital bed. I imagined them being twisted up by the same fears that were tormenting me. If I could hold on to that feeling during every moment of every day, I would never knowingly make another bad decision with regards to my health. I would be incapable. I think I’m glad though, that this incredible source of motivation hasn’t completely overwhelmed my ability to choose. There is so much joy and triumph in making the right choice.
Underlying all my many motivations is a feeling. I catch glimpses and glimmers of it from time to time. It’s the feeling that I’m a worthwhile person. That I’m not repulsive or pathetic. That I’ve actually got a few good things going for me. And not just the fact that I make really, really good cookies. Because hey, that’s really not a good thing for me to be focusing on just now.
I’m a pretty spiffy person. I’ve got some horrible, glaring flaws, but overall, I’m pretty decent. And, as one of my favourite qualities is the ability to debase myself for your entertainment, you can pause now to picture me dancing a funky little dance and singing, “I’m getting skiiiiinny! I’m getting skiiiiiinny!”
| Reader Response |
|---|
| Your brilliance requires a comment! |
| I read the post but am too lazy to comment. |
| I read the post and loved it but have nothing to say. |
| I read the post and was so disgusted I stomped off in a huff. |
| I didn’t even read the post. I just like messing with you. |
| I only come here for the pictures. |
| Poll starter: Kymburlee See Results |
35 comments
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and enjoying it immensly. I don’t like the term lurker, as it seems to imply someone who is eavesdropping. I’m more like the shy person in the background who can’t think of anything to say while the conversation is going on, but later can think of all kinds of meaningful and witty responses!
I can relate to this post well, as I am battling the bulge too, and my mother died of complications from diabetes about 4 years ago. I miss her terribly and don’t want to put my children through what I am going through.
Your motivation is motivating, and I’ll bet you’ll soon be wearing a funky little outfit to go with that funky dance!
by mindyluwho on September 26, 2007 at 6:52 am. #
You did it! Carrot would be proud. I love your poll. Kim you are one smart cookie. And a cute one too.
by Jennifer B. on September 26, 2007 at 8:19 am. #
I know how good it feels to be a loser, I lost 47lbs after my last baby.
I have put about 15lbs back on this last year, and I can’t find the will power to be a loser again.
Inspiring post:)
by PJ on September 26, 2007 at 12:49 pm. #
I’m glad you are in a good place! I am still on the high end. I have been doing better though!!
by Tirzah on September 26, 2007 at 1:02 pm. #
Yay You! I am just gearing up for a renewed attempt – this is inspiring.
Love love love the thought of not having to shop in a plus sized store!
by Sketchy on September 26, 2007 at 1:22 pm. #
I’m with Sketchy on this one. I’m gearing up for being a serious loser in a couple weeks. I’m not going to try to stress myself out with it until we get settled (I’m giving myself a week after we move in before getting serious again.) I’ll be hounding you for inspiration then. Good work!
by Amber on September 26, 2007 at 1:58 pm. #
I was at a whopping 217 lbs with both pregnancies that is what I hit… Wit h my first i only got down to 197… with my second, i got on weight watchers and lost a whole bunch more weight.. I have 25 more lbs to go and I am excited to finish up and be at my perfect weight.. I am right there with you.. Way to go on your accomplishments, and there is nothing more exciting than feeling great about yourself!
by Monkey Kisses on September 26, 2007 at 2:51 pm. #
Congratulations. Inspiring post. Maybe I can lose some before next week.
Now if stress could make a person lose weight. . .
by Dedee on September 26, 2007 at 2:57 pm. #
Good job Kim. You do look great. I haven’t bought clothes in a “normal” size store in so long that I wouldn’t even know how to act. But, that’ enough about me. You rock!!
by Tonya on September 26, 2007 at 3:42 pm. #
Pretty decent? You? I think not. You’re flabbergastingly fabulous.
by Luisa Perkins on September 26, 2007 at 3:47 pm. #
You look terrific! I love this new picture of you. I really do think you are beautiful. (Is that weird to say?)
Congrats on the weight loss! That is terrific; I admire you!
(Also: the poll at the bottom is cracking me up. Though I need the “I read your post, but barely had time to do that without completely neglecting my kids, so I don’t have time to comment now and will likely forget to comment altogether. But I love ya!” That is almost always the case with me, if I don’t comment. I DO read, every time.)
by Beth on September 26, 2007 at 3:52 pm. #
Great job. I think when it’s health that is our motivating factor it helps because we know it’s a necessary thing for us to do.
(I thought I was the only one who does silly little dances and makes up songs about what i’m doing)
by Yvonne on September 26, 2007 at 4:46 pm. #
Love the poll at the bottom… you’ve got a lot of people who voted for your brilliance! :)
Great post. I’ve finally gotten to a pretty good weight. And I’m starting to not care as much if I gain a little or loose a little. It used to be a major meltdown with every pound gained. Now it’s just a twinge of “Oops… too many cupcakes…” And your head shot is gorgeous!
by Melissa on September 26, 2007 at 4:55 pm. #
You look fabulous! And you are a great person!
by Summer on September 26, 2007 at 5:17 pm. #
Wanting to be healthy is the best way to really accomplish your goals. Way to go!!!
by Lisa on September 26, 2007 at 5:54 pm. #
You are beautiful Kim!
by Laine on September 26, 2007 at 6:11 pm. #
when you can’t see it for yourself…let others see it for you.
kim i know the hard work it takes to hang on to positive feelings about ourselves. hang on to them and remember you have a fabulous sweetie and 2 beautiful little girls who all adore you. i love it when you talk about your girls, your love for them truly comes through and know what else comes through? YOU – you are helping them be the fabulous people they are. their greatness is a reflection of your own.
i think i am the 17th? person to leave a comment here and tell you that you really are a wonderful person. if you can’t know that for yourself all the time…..trust us – we are some smart cookies too!
keep at it! you’ll get to the healthy place you want to be and i’ll do a funky little dance with you any day!!!!
by jenn on September 26, 2007 at 6:40 pm. #
Okay, you’re really motivating me here. I’ve been trying to work up my courage to tackle some extra weight. Not for anyone but myself, but still.
Hmmm. Have you considered a career in motivational speaking??
by The Rotten Correspondent on September 26, 2007 at 6:59 pm. #
Ah…I need to rearrange my weight as well. Its a constant battle.
by Heffalump on September 26, 2007 at 9:03 pm. #
You’re incredibly beautiful!!
What are you doing to lose the weight?
by JustRandi on September 26, 2007 at 9:26 pm. #
Go. You. Sometimes the hardest thing is being comfortable in our own skin, no matter what the scale says. You should be proud of yourself!
by Thea on September 26, 2007 at 9:39 pm. #
Look at those cheekbones!! I remember when those first appeared as I started to lose weight, I had forgotten that they were ever there. Way to GOOOOOOO! I am dancing with you.
by Calamity Jane on September 26, 2007 at 10:03 pm. #
Congratulations on your success. Just put 1 foot in front of the other. You look beautiful! =0)
by Manda on September 27, 2007 at 1:46 am. #
I don’t know who that fantastic babe with the bunny ears is, but she probably could use a picture like that to motivate her fat behind into shedding some pounds too ;)
I wonder what I did with those bunny ears. I’m pretty sure I still have them somewhere.
I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished – you should be too!
by Thalia's Child on September 27, 2007 at 2:41 am. #
You know, as I look at your pictures, I’m reminded of what Anne always wanted, but could never achieve…..a beautiful alabaster brow, or something like that anyway. Kimberly, you are beautiful, and even though I’ve come to terms with my freckles and the skin that looks rather purple when it is remotely cold, I have to say that I’m just the teeniest bit jealous of your complexion.
Anyway, all that’s just to say that you are beautiful, brilliant, and I’m glad to count you as my friend, even if we haven’t met yet. =)
by Inkling on September 27, 2007 at 3:55 am. #
Hooray, hooray, you’re brilliant, beautiful, and skinny! Hooray!
The coolest thing of all, though, is for Emma and Becca to watch you kick this thing, which will hopefully give them the strength never to start the cycle in the first place.
Love you, kimberly!
by wynne on September 27, 2007 at 4:30 am. #
hi kim:
i was just joshin you. i answered the poll “i don’t even read it, i just am messing with you.” your poll answers are a riot. clever girl
by so grateful to be Mormon! on September 27, 2007 at 5:31 am. #
Some days I really miss the old Pants blog because I think about weight issues so much more than I actually write about them. It’s sad that so much of our identities revolve around whether we currently feel comfortable in our own skin (whether “skinny” or nay). Thanks for being honest; I think you’ve got a healthy outlook on things.
by Julie Q. on September 27, 2007 at 3:08 pm. #
I personally think you are stunning, classy and sassy! Don’t ever forget that … you are not pathetic!
by An Ordinary Mom on September 27, 2007 at 10:58 pm. #
I think you are gorgeous inside and out.
by That Chick Over There on September 28, 2007 at 12:14 am. #
I can tell you’ve been singing, baby!!
and it aint the blues.
sing some more for me
by Jean Knee on September 28, 2007 at 1:55 am. #
Am I the only one who voted for more than one option? I thought at least two or three were appropriate.
by Chris on September 28, 2007 at 2:00 am. #
I am trying to lose weight, too. You’re very inspiring.
by Abish on September 29, 2007 at 9:33 am. #
As a former heavy girl I feel every single word you wrote.
Dance away girl.
by moosh in indy. on September 30, 2007 at 2:22 am. #
I love your honesty.
Dance away, hon!!
by Shauna Loves Chocolate on October 5, 2007 at 9:40 pm. #