Temporary? Insanity

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Now back in his single days, Neil was a pretty smooth operator. Before I was quite sure what was happening, I’d been ushered into the orchard. Yet, even though I was caught up in a severe case of social awkwardness, I managed to spare some attention for sight.

The play of light through the canopy of the fruit trees surrounding us was almost mesmerizing. Here a shadow, there a rapidly shifting patch of sun. All with that muted green glow of backlit leaves. Fall was settling in slowly there, a gradual encroachment rather than the rapid rush I was used to back home. For the most part we were enveloped in cool greenness, but our feet, carefully placed to avoid the slimy squish of fallen fruit, kicked up showers of yellow and brown.

It’s lucky for Neil I was a little smitten with him by that time, or he would have had a harm time catching my attention.

I managed to ask questions about the orchard and what sort of work he’d done there in the past. This might not seem like much of an achievement to you if you’ve never been shy. Asking people questions about themselves is a simple, natural part of our existence after all. For me it took supreme effort. It yielded a very pleasant result though. He answered the questions. Again, if you’ve never been shy, this won’t seem very remarkable. To be an active participant in a conversation was no common event for me.

Not to mention, it was with a boy. The drama!

I remember him teaching me different fruit picking techniques, and him holding the ladder as I climbed up and picked my very own pear. There was a moment where he showed me the fruit picker’s best friend, a canvas bag attached to a harness that went over the shoulders and around the waist. He helped me try one on.

Me: Why’s he strapping you into that thing?
Me: Just to show me how it works, I guess.
Me: Riiiight. And the fact that it requires him to be close to you and to touch you?
Me: (Blushing and refusing to answer)
Me: Still think he has a crush on Jo?
Me: (Defensively) Well maybe! I mean, he’s so nice and friendly maybe he just…
Me: (Interrupting and repeating, only with more innuendo) Riiiiight.

I blushed rather a lot. I’ve no idea what his own facial expression was, because I hardly had the nerve to do more than glance at him from time to time. Knowing him now my best guess is that he was grinning ear to ear.

We ended up lounging in the grass under the trees. We chatted back and forth a bit as I twisted blades of grass nervously between my fingers. As during our time sorting apples, we fell into several semi-comfortable silences. He had to break all but one of them. I remember looking up and looking at him, almost steadily. The sun was a fair bit lower in the sky than when we’d first entered the orchard, and the shadows of the trees stretched out around him.

“What are you thinking about?”, I asked. I wasn’t desperately grabbing at a conversational straw. I’d actually overcome nervousness enough to let my natural curiousity assert itself.

He paused a moment before answering, a slight smile curving his lips. “I was thinking I’d very much like to kiss you right now.”

I instantly flashed back to my two previous experiences with kissing. No, this isn’t a narrative technique to give you more information, I honestly did. During the minute long pause between his comment and my response, I remembered my first kiss in shocking detail. A sweet but disturbing memory. And my second experience, my first make out session which had left me feeling both disgusted and ashamed. I didn’t want that last to happen again.

“Not yet,” I replied, in a quiet voice. I was instantly proud of myself. I wasn’t going to rush headlong into something I’d regret later like I’d done the last time. I wasn’t that sort of girl, and I wouldn’t be confused for one.

Me: You. Idiot.

I didn’t have long to be disgusted with myself, because my response was the equivalent to throwing down a gauntlet. Suddenly I was elevated from the position of Afternoon Dalliance to Intriguing Challenge.

To be continued…

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