I’m afraid this post isn’t going to be what I wanted it to be. I wanted to sign in this morning, say a cheery hello to everyone, and share an inspiring tale of how I overcame the funk I had settled into.
Not that I’m in a doom-and-gloom headspace exactly, but I’m not spitting sunshine and lollipops either. I’m tired. Well, not so much tired as weary. Yes. Weary is a good word for it. Still, no other inanimate objects were injured during the course of the weekend. The rage and frustration gave way to exhaustion. Hard to do any damage when extricating yourself from your bed drains your energy reserves.
I had a bit of an epiphany last night, about how much harder it is to deal with a situation when it’s unanticipated.
You see, I took some time off from blogging and emailing and whatnot over the course of the holidays. Neil was off work and I wanted to enjoy my time with him and my girls. I’d been sick for weeks, and I figured that removing my interneting from the picture would make it easier to tackle the other things on my plate.
Not so.
Instead, I devolved into an increasingly funky funk. Not that bits of the holidays weren’t lovely and happy. There was much giggling and glee, tickle fights and romp sessions. But there was also a lot of…well, other stuff. I don’t feel like elaborating/reliving it.
Last night, I spent a little more time online. I got caught up on reading my favourite blogs, ran into a dear friend via gmail’s chat service, and took a moment to feel loved as I realized just how many wonderful women had offered love and support after Saturday’s post. On a weekend. A holiday weekend at that.
And I had a little glimmer of a thought. A hinting at happiness. Maybe I’m not such a horrible person after all.
Now, I don’t know if it’s to the good or not that I’m so dependent on my blogging for validation. That I need comments, emails, and chats with friends in order to feel loveable and of worth. But I really don’t care about the stigma, or the faint looks of disdain on the faces of real life friends and acquaintances if I happen to mention one of my online friends.
Yes, maybe it’s a crutch. But sometimes I think I’m a little bit broken. Maybe I need one. Maybe it’s okay.
No. No maybes. I know better now. I find happiness in my association with other women. Women who uplift, inspire, amuse, entertain, love and are loved, make my heart ache over their sorrows, make me rejoice over their successes. Women who reach out to me (me!), and help me through my struggles. Even if those struggles seem so small compared to what others are facing. Even though I have a really, really good life, and all my problems are in my head.
And I love you for it.
Happy New Year, my friends.
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30 Comments
Thanks Kimberly. I feel the same way about my blogging friends. It has become a bit of a crutch, and a lifeline for me. Especially since I really don’t see many other women on a regular basis. It’s usually just me and the kids alone at home. Even when I go out with them I feel alone though surrounded by passers by. I really need more human interaction in real life but for now blog life is helping fill a part of that void.
Aw. I feel the same way about my bloggy friends – someone needs to step up and save my sanity. Happy New Year to you too!
-andi
Awh, Kim, these moments on the blogosphere are precious to most of us regulars. It’s like Cheers on the web! We all need a place to gather and commune and hang out with friends, to escape our lives and enter into somebody else’s for a moment or two. To share with friends our laughter, lives, and loves.
Hope you feel refreshed soon!
Happy New Year!
Everybody needs friends!! And the blogosphere is such a wonderful place to find people with things in common.
Especially sahms and others who don’t get to network every day with other adults.
I hear ya, and I agree in full.
I feel the same way and actually had a really long conversation with my therapist about this one day. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was okay. If these people who write me sweet emails and leave me nice comments are really real. I don’t see them and for the most part I don’t know them. But I rely on them. More than I probably should.
(((hugs)))
Happy New Year to you too!
I am sorry you have been feeling down. I get that way during the Holidays all the time, so I sometimes forget that other people feel perfectly fine around this time of the year.
Thanks for being you! Even when you are down, you are still one of the sweetest people I have not yet met in real life.
Of course you need us, dearie! We need you, too!
Now, when are you going to go buy that pregnancy test, already? :)
I’ve never been great at having friends that I actually do things with and blogging really helps me to relate to other women. I tend to stay home and keep to myself, so the internet really helps me have sanity and an adult influence during the day.
i have the same crutch…it’s not a bad thing…it’s just the way some of us cope.
i wish we lived closer so both of us could keep each other company in our funks…it sucks being in a funk alone! :-)
i hope your funk isn’t as deep and wide as mine…
do me a favour and have a Happy New Year!
and i love you too….but not in a creepy sort of way! ;-)
cate
*hugs*
I have been extremely blessed by the women I have “met” online… I live in an area where it’s hard to make friends because we don’t really “fit in”. And so, I turn to the internet – and if we ever move, I can take y’all with me. I’m glad you have this support in your life and I’m glad to be part of it :)
I was so thrilled when I found you online through another blog and I still am.
I have had more than on eyebrow raised as I talk about having met a “man” online that taught me about the gospel. That man and his family are now part of our family. Friendships online are real and that’s a fact.
Life is not always rainbows and lollipops and I’ll be here for it all.
Friends are where you make them. Grocery stores, church, neighbors, online….there are benefits and blessings to each.
You, my dear friend, are a blessing to me every which way you look at it. :)
Have a wonderful New Year!
I recently had a similar realization — I thought that it was all of the Internet that was putting me in a perpetual bad mood when it really mostly a lack of balance (and the fact that I visited some places out of obligation even though they were never particularly uplifting). But when I get a good comment or a thoughtful e-mail or an unexpected note on my Facebook wall — they make me happy! :-)
And yes, Kimberly, YOU and your posts make me happy, too! I love your blog. LOVE it! You always have such a beautiful way of putting your feelings that I aspire to. You keep it real, and I can identify with so many of the things you post about. And you post often — I can always count on something thoughtful, insightful, quirky, and funny coming my way on my RSS reader mid-afternoon.
Thank-you for writing!
i think you’re awesome. i’ll give you as much validation as you need. awesome awesome awesome! and i think you’re more awesome this year than last year!
i wish i’d have commented earlier in the evening when my brain was working. just read what i *mean*.
I could not have said this better myself. And I have said it before, and I will say it again: Blogging validation is like crack. Comments and feedback are sometimes the only motivation I have to post something new!
I don’t get much adult interaction as a stay-at-home-mom – blogging is sometimes the only communication I have with people other than my children for days. And unlike real people, it seems that my blogging friends don’t judge or criticize – we have all come here for similar reasons, and can all relate to each other on multiple levels.
If you’re driving the crazy train, I have a first class ticket and am sitting right beside you!
Amen, sister.
I found your blog today and want to wish you health, happiness and prosperity in the New Year.
You are an inspirational woman.
I would like to be a new friend in a New Year.
A thought process that you are not alone in sharing. I have many good friends, out here in this vast place we call blog. Many, having been friends for over 5 years. It is still friendship.
It is not a crutch, I dont think so, but of course I am on this side of the screen as well….
Happy New Year!!!!
you are loved. so loved.
We’re not islands (isn’t there a song about that?); we need each other! Dear One, I probably could do without you if I had to, but I just wouldn’t want to!
You and my other close online friends dramatically improve the quality of my life. Planet Blog is not a crutch; it’s a blessing. How else would two sympaticas from across a continent be able to communicate their hearts to one another?
Happy New Year! Have a wonderful day!
I guess we all have the same crutch, then, because we are here, right? :)
You are awesome. I don’t know what else to say. . .
Happy New Year, by the way!!
i thought that was a lovely post, regardless of what you initially intended it to be. and it reminded me of a slightly related post that i had forgotten that i wanted to write. happy new year!! eight is GREAT!
I luv yer guts, woman! I’m just one more of the legions of women who do and are glad you need that so-called crutch.
Hey, ME TOO, MEEEEE TOOOOOOO!!!
I’ve been amazed how typing little bits and pieces of things out on the ‘Net have helped me keep myself together so much better.
(I wouldn’t describe it as a crutch so much as duct tape, to keep me from falling completely apart…)
And Happy New Year!
Happy New Year Kimberly!
You are awesome!
May your New Year Have less funk and more FUNKY!!!
I think my blogging vacation is turning into an extended vacation … I need to bet my behind back in gear and motivated.