Slowly
by Kym on February 24, 2008
I am a really slow learner. Not slow in general, per se. I mean, come on, I’ve got that Sudoko thing down! No, what I’m referring to is those little life lessons that we sometimes have to have a do-over on. I’m to the point now where much of my time seems to be spent wincing and smiling in a sheepish fashion as I mutter, “Riiiight…I’d forgotten about that one. Ouch.”
I’ve so many weaknesses I’m struggling with right now (they fight it out over who gets top prioritiy while I sleep, I think, as they seem to change daily), but weight loss is probably the most illustrative example.
What? You didn’t know? The pretty head shot up there didn’t give it away?
Yup, I’m fat. I don’t mind the term, though I know many do. I use it pragmatically rather than negatively. I can look at myself in the mirror and say, “Mmmhmm…yep…still fat” without disastrous consequences to my self-esteem. Because frankly? All that damage has been done already. I am in repair mode. The “F Word” isn’t going to do any harm.
In February of 2006 I weighed in as having a whopping 230 pounds on my five foot nine frame. In February of 2008? I’m now weighing in at 183. Once upon a time I was an unhealthy/malnourished 130 pounds. I’m now aiming for 160 as a goal.
I have a weight loss blog where I record my experiences every now and again, but I like to shout out about what I’m doing every once in awhile here on my main blog. Because the more I face it the more face-able it becomes somehow. Don’t know if it works that way for everyone, but that’s how it works for me.
Anyway, back to the being a slow learner bit (now that we’ve covered the slow-at-getting-to-the-point bit).
I could have gotten to my goal weight a long while back. I could have. I have the knowledge, the ability, and the motivation. All that’s left wanting is the choice. For me, it’s a constant pattern of committing, forgetting, and recommitting. Usually recommitting follows close on the heels of a traumatic experience; the bingeing upon half a dozen chocolate bars in one sitting, the upward swoop of the scale by seven pounds, the favourite dress that suddenly no longer fits, my mum lying in the bed in the ICU battling a potentially terminal disease (lost 20 pounds after that), the bout of illness that left me wanting to do anything and everything possible to be a healthy person from now on (that was just a few days ago, for those of you just tuning in).
I wish it didn’t take these horrible moments to inspire me. I wish I could just take the knowledge I already have and act on it and more importantly keep on acting on it till I’m where I want to be. Till I’m who I want to be.
I don’t know if putting this into words today will change the pattern somehow. Perhaps it’ll just help me accept it, because I am grateful that no matter how far off track I get, something (someone?) always helps pull me back on.
You know, I might be slow, but I’m getting there. I really am getting there.
24 comments
Oh – I am with you on this. I’ve been battling sinus infections for a couple of years now and I KNOW I am better when I don’t eat things that are “bad” for me. I keep resolving to be better, but the first bad night with the kids pushes me back to the chocolate (by the way, I admire you giving up chocolate – I can’t!!)
Hang in there!!
by lapoflux on February 24, 2008 at 12:52 am. #
At least you are learning the lesson and learning it well. You look fabulous and I would describe you as fat. I get that you have a goal in mind and I do hope you get there but just remember how far you have come.
by Tonya on February 24, 2008 at 1:12 am. #
you are inspiring. and after all, i think we are all slow learners. at least i tell myself that to make myself feel better!:)
keep up the great work. you’ll get to goal.
by Michal on February 24, 2008 at 1:14 am. #
You know the old adage — “slow and steady wins the race.” We could try “cramming” for the test of life but I think steady endurance will say more for our lessons learned (even if they seem like they constantly need tweaking) than any short sprints (for a good article on the topic, check out David A. Bednar’s address in the January 2008 New Era. And hey, are you still in Young Women??)
My Facebook “fortune cookie” currently reads: “don’t worry. You’ll learn.” I love that. Failure is not really failure after all, it’s a process of learning for the long run.
And you’re not failing with your weight loss efforts AT ALL. Nope! You are adopting good lifelong habits. THIS is what’s going to mean long-term health! Keep up the good work!!
(Also: I learned in this post that you are taller than me. I am 5’7″, unless you are talking to one of my short guy friends from college, and then I am 5’8″, ’cause we are the same height and he does not want to be 5’7″.) :-)
by Beth on February 24, 2008 at 2:26 am. #
Oh – I forgot to add that you are doing awesome with your weight loss (see what happens when a three year old tries to help me comment!) You’re 2/3 of the way there!!
by lapoflux on February 24, 2008 at 2:33 am. #
If we learned all of life’s lessons on the first try, then what would the point of life be? It would be pretty boring, don’t you think :) ?!?
I think the progress you are making is impressive. Keep it up! Slow and steady … keep moving in the right direction.
by An Ordinary Mom on February 24, 2008 at 2:40 am. #
It took a bad doctor check up to swat me silly into finally making it a lifestyle change. Use to hate that word, now I understand it. I have to be consistent now. Or I’am a dead duck.
by Jan on February 24, 2008 at 2:59 am. #
You are making progress, which is the important thing. We’re on the same page because I had a rather painful conversation with James last night about the changes that I should make, even though it would mean getting up in the freezing cold and ice at 6 am. That isn’t my idea of fun. At least when I ask my husband what I should do, he’s kindly honest and supportive at the same time.
I had already planned on starting Monday morning, and your post inspires me. I have a really hard time doing anything on my own like that, and I think the lack of support and accountability is what’s sabotaging me. I have no one to check in with, and I cheat on myself far too often. I guess I just need to do the best I can for myself.
by Rebecca on February 24, 2008 at 3:26 am. #
Change is hard. Some change we don’t have any control over, and honestly, that kind of change is SOOOOO much easier for me to deal with. For example: moving to another city. Yep. I can do that. Got the whole moving thing down pat. Making friends in the new city (aka changing my attitudes and perspectives) not so easy. Why can’t everything in life just be thrust upon us? :) I know you can do this! Isn’t there a trip to Utah floating somewhere around in all this? If it ends up being this summer, I just might be there… I’ll email you about it later :)
by Melissa on February 24, 2008 at 4:02 am. #
Yea, I’ve had one of those slip weeks. I think I went a couple of days only eating left over Valentines Candy. It’s like, I’ve got to make it disappear so I won’t eat it, so I eat it to make it disappear… Sigh… anyway, I’m recommitting to start afresh Monday. I hate committing to anything on Mondays because it sounds like you will fail and that you’ve made that same commitment a thousand times, but really it’s just the best day for me. We’ll see. As for YOU since this is your blog and not mine, every day is a new day! That’s the gift of life.
by Cristy on February 24, 2008 at 4:08 am. #
I love your attitude and the way you approach things. You’re not the only slow learner around, and I think it’s good for all of us to realize we’re not alone.
But, um…5’9 and 183 lbs isn’t exactly fat, you know.Isn’t that just barely into the overweight BMI?
by The Rotten Correspondent on February 24, 2008 at 5:50 am. #
It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who is a slow learner…especially in the weight department. Good for you on your weight loss though! You are an inspiration!
by Hillary on February 24, 2008 at 8:39 am. #
I have a little issue with some extra weight. Well, I guess it’s more of an issue with food – sugar, in particular. And white flour. And….
Wishing you the best in your efforts! Your words are inspiring to me.
by Magirk on February 24, 2008 at 8:52 pm. #
I’m with you. It dawned on me that my heart is not in good shape, because I can barely do BC’s easiest hikes without feeling like I’m gonna die. While I’d love to stop looking like I have a round face with an equally round middle section, I’ve decided that I need to get my insides (heart, lungs, muscles) healthier asap. I need to care more about that than if my butt looks like it’s carrying a bunch of cottage cheese under the skin. =)
As for you, my dear, you are beautiful! You look great, in my opinion, and you carry yourself well. Keep on reaching for your goal, but know in the meantime that you look wonderful and you looked especially nice the day we got to meet. Just so you know….
by Inkling on February 24, 2008 at 9:36 pm. #
Hi Kimberly,
That’s an awesome achievement, the result of your determination. But take care of your health as well and give yourself time to recover from this ….
Get well soon.
by david mcmahon on February 24, 2008 at 9:37 pm. #
wise words from dave on the recovery bit. oh he’s just wise in general.
i keep telling myself i am *right now* living what i will, in the future, wish i’d done. and if in the future, i will probably wish i hadn’t had that choc bar, all i have to do right now is not eat it.
yeah, that only works on the weekdays. weekends it’s all about the lounging. crud. i’m a weekend fattie.
seriously though, you are doing really great, girl.
and no. the face up there does not say fat to me. it says beautiful. :)
by holly on February 24, 2008 at 9:51 pm. #
But you ARE making progress, and I call that learning. Not slow learning, but REAL learning!
Good for you!
by JustRandi on February 24, 2008 at 9:52 pm. #
Your face shot doesn’t give you away at all. Mine however… oh the double chin that arises when I’m only even 10 pounds overweight. Ugh! But thanks for posting this as I am working on eating healthier and losing weight too.
by Summer on February 24, 2008 at 9:58 pm. #
It take SO LONG to make real, lasting changes. I think it goes back to the whole enduring to the end thing. On the up side, when you finally do succeed, it tastes that much sweeter, because you can look down and see the mountain you climbed–every peak, pit, and valley. That’s a great feeling.
Don’t sell yourself short with the progress you’ve already made. You’re amazing.
by Annette Lyon on February 24, 2008 at 10:51 pm. #
Great post as usual! I think learning is completely different when it comes to weight loss. I know exactly what I need to do and how to do it. The problem is all the physical and emotional baggage that comes with it!
by Amber on February 25, 2008 at 1:25 am. #
Weight loss isn’t my challenge. But I do have others, and I do seem to have to re-learn the same lesson over and over.
I was kicked in the head by a horse as a child. Does that count as a good excuse?
by Dapoppins on February 25, 2008 at 4:16 am. #
Beautifully stated. I’m right there with you.
And I too, am alright with the “f” word. I am, no hiding it. And even though I know what I have to do, it’s the doing it that I have a problem with. I was just today thinking of this very same thing.
Time to get my priorities straight and all that.
~hugs~ to your fluff!
by The MomBabe on February 25, 2008 at 4:33 am. #
Slow and steady, my friend; you are making progress.
by Luisa Perkins on February 25, 2008 at 5:09 pm. #
I swear you and I are the same person. Either that or you live part time in my head:)
This is an excellent post!
I was once 240. Now I’m 195-200 and am soooooo slacking,even though in my mind I’m trying hard.
I guess buying s secret stash of candy was a step backwards then huh?
LOL back in the saddle again!
by Ms.L on February 25, 2008 at 5:10 pm. #