Self-Control
by Kym on March 17, 2008
I haven’t got much of it. No, seriously. This isn’t me saying something negative about myself in the hopes everyone will tell me how wonderful I am. It’s a simple fact.
The great thing about being a person, is the flexibility of facts. What is one day a fact about a person, can the next day be something else entirely. I am not bound by my current characteristics, qualities, weaknesses, etc…
I worked really, really hard to focus on that this weekend. First, with taking a few days off from blogging and the reading of blogs, and then in attempting to control my eating this weekend. Now, that last might not sound all that difficult, unless you know that I have had issues with Binge Eating since shortly after I got married. It isn’t about the taste of the food, or the pleasantly full feeling afterwards. I know, because I eat too fast to enjoy the food and I eat so much I feel sick afterwards.
I used to binge several times a day. Then, once a day. Then, two or three times per week. Now, it’s a weekly occurence, except in times of high stress. Like, ahem, buying a business and a house all in one go.
Thursday night Neil and I had a bit of an altercation, and I chose to put it to good use. Here is the very simplified version of what happened…
Neil: ~poking around in snack cupboard~ Where are the cookies?
Kim: Where do you think?
Neil: ~turning ’round to fix Kim with a frown~ I just bought those two days ago.
Kim: Yeah, well maybe you should think twice before you bring sweet treats home to your eating disorder afflicted wife.
Neil: ~in an exasperated fashion~ Lack of self-control is not an eating disorder.
Etceteras…
I looked up an article on Binge Eating Disorder to share with him, but chickened out. Instead, I folded it up and used the opposite side to track my eating this weekend. I’ll admit that I could’ve done better, but I did pretty darn good considering we ate out no less than five times.
The biggest triumphs though were the brownie that I ate half of, realized I wasn’t hugely enjoying, and chucked the rest. And the bag of Harvest Cheddar Sunchips. The big bag, that I once used to eat the whole of in one sitting. I had six chips the first day, about eight or so the next, and maybe ten the last day. That? Is pretty darn miraculous.
To be honest, I don’t know if I have a serious blogging addiction or not. Or if I have Binge Eating Disorder or not. What I do know is that my lack of self-control has been a fact about me for too long. And it doesn’t have to be. It really doesn’t.
At dinner the other night I stopped before I was finished my plate, and reflected on the fact that I was quite satisfied and didn’t need to eat the last piece of the individual Tuscan pizza I’d ordered. And so, I didn’t.
And really, being that I’m rather lazy by nature, choosing to not do something was relatively easy.
Relatively.
It was darn good pizza.
22 comments
6 Harvest Cheddar Sunchips? That is without question self control. It does take effort for the all or nothing girls for sure. I think with each triumph of self control it gets better. Sure we all will have binges, but they become less if we realize that it really isn’t worth it. I tell myself that feeling a little hungry, is better than feeling lousy all the time. I had to change the way I thought about what I really want to gain from this life and I want to feel good. Every time I overeat now, I really do feel lousy and it ticks me off.
by Jan on March 17, 2008 at 4:26 pm. #
Your sincere and genuine honesty is what I love about you … but I do echo Jan’s comment and think you have more self control than you give yourself credit for!
Life is all about learning, and many times it is about learning the same lesson over and over again … at least it is that way for me. But even though I still have a lot of the same struggles, when I really pause and take a moment to look back at how far I have come, I realize I have made progress … slow and steady is what it is all about. Although, there are definite high and low dips along the way.
Thank goodness we have a loving Heavenly Father who has pledged His help along the way. I just need to be better about asking and accepting His tender mercies and grace.
Good luck with the big move!
by An Ordinary Mom on March 17, 2008 at 5:01 pm. #
Thank you for reminding me that I need to watch myself this week;p
by Ms.L on March 17, 2008 at 5:07 pm. #
i did not do so well myself with the whole self-control-in-regards-to-eating thing this weekend. love what you said about flexible facts–i woke this morning glad for the new week, and feeling cheerful about the opportunity to begin healthfully again.
(ps the sun chips would’ve seriously done me in. you rock.)
by Nic on March 17, 2008 at 5:23 pm. #
Kim, Your honesty about an issue that so many of us deal with is very refreshing. Thank you for putting it out there! I do the binge eating from time to time too, but I don’t really have a weight problem, per se, so it tricks me into thinking I’m fine. I know it’s still self-abuse, and my lack of will-power does hurt my self-esteem. I need to be more accountable to myself. Thank you for the example! xo!
by Jenna Consolo on March 17, 2008 at 5:24 pm. #
i read this and put down the cookie i was eating because really? i was already half way through the batch i baked this morning.
flexibility of facts – i like it! i have the power to change…thanks for the reminder. baby steps right?
by jenn on March 17, 2008 at 5:37 pm. #
I have very little self-control when the food is sitting right there. If I leave it in the store, I am fine. And I’m pretty good at not buying it.
Chips are a HUGE weakness for me. Nice job on he Sun Chips! That would be really tough for me.
by Tirzah on March 17, 2008 at 6:20 pm. #
I love your thoughts on “facts” about a person… it’s so true. We are constantly changing and tweaking our personalities!
As for not having self control? I think most of the human race struggles with this on a daily basis. It’s hard work… and for me… I’d rather do what is fun, rather than work. I’ll keep plodding along if you will :)
by Melissa on March 17, 2008 at 7:04 pm. #
Great post. I love that we can change who we are one choice at a time. Saying no to pizza or chips really is a victory worth celebrating.
by Annette Lyon on March 17, 2008 at 7:26 pm. #
Th blogging thing is becoming an issue here, too. I’m working on finding a plan for self-control with that.
by JustRandi on March 17, 2008 at 7:27 pm. #
It’s hard to explain that to someone who doesn’t get it. (Like my hubby.)
Some foods, I kindly ask do not need to be flaunted in front of me while I am trying to lose weight.
Good on you, working these things through. Great post.
by Lisa Milton on March 17, 2008 at 7:28 pm. #
Wow, we do have a lot of similarities. I have some huge binge eating issues from being sick 13 years ago when I wasn’t allowed to eat much of anything. Now I have to watch myself carefully. Self control is something that I find is my biggest obstacle in life. I really didn’t get an good measure of it. So way to go for recognizing and taking control of it. That takes a lot. Understanding and recognizing the issue is such a huge part of the problem. It’s taken me until a few months ago to get that far.
by Erin on March 17, 2008 at 9:12 pm. #
Thank you for sharing, Kim. I can completely relate to this post. I had an eating disorder – and while you can recover, there are days when you know you can slip back.
I do wish that people would realize it isn’t about self-control. There is so much more. Please e-mail me anytime you need me. You deserve to be rid of your demons. YOU REALLY DO.
by Shauna Loves Chocolate on March 17, 2008 at 10:27 pm. #
Me too. Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.
Secret wonder twin powers – ACTIVATE.
by Sue on March 17, 2008 at 10:36 pm. #
Self-control? What is that? I’ve never heard such a term before.
by The MomBabe on March 17, 2008 at 10:50 pm. #
I really really like the bit about not having to be a certain way forever. Yup, that’s a great thought.
Sounds like you did very well this weekend. If I’ve learned anything this past year it’s that food can be a pretty tempting crutch.
Good for you!
by lapoflux on March 17, 2008 at 11:56 pm. #
yay for self-control!!!
you can do it!!!
by holly on March 18, 2008 at 12:14 am. #
I don’t really have a problem with binging until I go to a buffet bar. Then, I guess I figure that’s the point. But, otherwise … Well, I sometimes get so busy I forget to eat.
My lack of self-control comes in two very different forms: cigarettes and emotions. One will kill me. The other just makes a total fool of me if I don’t guard myself. I’m not sure your binging does either of those things.
So … I have a question now. What does Neal need to change? I mean – you know what you need to change … but, I hope you recognize that we all have a chink in our armor.
by AIKATERINE on March 18, 2008 at 1:50 am. #
My dear, I think we both have addictive personalities! I know all too well what you’re talking about.
This is from a woman who got her Easter shopping done early, and has to do most of it again because the chocolate is gone. But I haven’t gained anything from it, actually I think I lost a bit. Go figure?
by Rebecca on March 18, 2008 at 2:14 am. #
I can relate more than you know. In some aspects I have a great deal of control and in others…zippo. It’s really hard for people to look in the mirrow sometimes and see some of the “not so perfect” things about themselves. The fact that you can do that has you miles ahead of most.
by Tonya on March 18, 2008 at 2:27 am. #
Oh don’t even bring up chip bags and I won’t say how fast I can go through them…
by Gerbil on March 18, 2008 at 3:04 am. #
Yeah, I’m right there with you on the lack of self-control. In fact, I’m kinda bowing down to your controlled-ness with the pizza-ness. Seriously, I’d have finished it, and then I’d have started looking for cookies. And then I’d have been screaming mad at myself for days afterwards. So, yeah. Well done.
by Brillig on March 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm. #