Material Girl
by Kym on May 28, 2008
Our new house is heaven on earth compared to our last. The floor plan is lovely. The two stories of windows in the dining room flood the place with natural light, and frequent breezes pulse cool and sweetly through the open doors and windows. Though we’ve been here awhile now, the girls still run gleefully around their new domain, enjoying the open spaces and the indoor jungle gym that is our sunken living room.
There are, however, a few things that have started to rankle. The built in living room furniture is horribly uncomfortable. Almost cripplingly so. The wallpaper is hideous. The outdoor lights consist of lightbulbs sticking out of beige sockets. There are fluorescent lights in the basement, and the dining room chandelier looks like something out of a horror flick.
I’ve spent no small amount of time wondering how the previous owners of this house could have spent twenty years in this place without fixing it up more. I’ve wrinkled my nose at various aspects of our new home, wishing they’d been a bit more…ambitious? Modern? Creative?
I got to thinking the other day (while watching Home and Garden TV for an unconscionably long period of time), that I’ve got my priorities hugely out of whack. I want things to look lovely and well put together like the show homes and the fabulous renovations that innumberable television shows are now dedicated to. I want a cohesive style. Furniture and decor that compliment each other. I want lovely granite counter tops and richly grained wood cabinets. I want antique bronze everywhere and bold, beautiful colours.
I want, I want, I want.
The couple who lived here? They traveled the world. They weren’t wealthy by any stretch, but they’d decided what they wanted out of life and they made it happen. We would have moved in here two months earlier but they were off enjoying a warm winter in a tropical clime.
So what do I want? I mean, really want. Not just on the surface, materialistic stuff. Deep down, what sort of life do I want to lead? A life of rennovations and beautifying of my home? Or a life focused on beautifying…well, my life?
I’m still a bit confused about this, I’ll admit. I’m mulling things over even as I type. What better use can our family make of our time and resources? What can we have, what can we accomplish, if we sacrifice our society’s rather skewed perspective which teaches us that we need top of the line, state of the art, and well coordinated everything?
I’m still a material girl. I like beautiful things. I like working to beautify my home. But I don’t want it to be the sole focus of my life. I’m not sure what I do want to focus on. I have ideas swirling around in my head, but I suppose that the time it takes to compose a blog post isn’t enough to sort them out.
It comes down to one question though. What sort of life do I want to lead?
29 comments
I’ve been thinking of this lately too. (I miss HGTV, but it’s good for me not to watch.)
What do I really want out of life?
Good luck on the answers.
by Dedee on May 28, 2008 at 5:22 pm. #
This is definitely a good question to be asking yourself. In fact, we should all ask it of ourselves more often. What are our long term goals? How can we get there? What do we want for our family?
I know the older I get, the more simple and peaceful I want my life to become. Do I still want a nice house with it the way I want it? You bet, but I still think there is a way to find the proper balance in your life – living within in your means and living life happily.
Good luck on your quest! I think it will be quest all of us will be on for the rest of our lives, especially as our life circumstances continue to change.
by An Ordinary Mom on May 28, 2008 at 6:16 pm. #
Les and I went through this question ourselves about three years ago-that was when we decided that adoption was in our future for sure-how could we justify spending 30000$ on a new vehicle-or more for Les’s dream truck-when we could rescue children out of orphanges, foster care etc…we have had many people tell us how wrong it is for us to spend that much money on adoption and why don’t we just have more of our own …but that should tell you right there how deluded our society is-that it is perfectly ok to spend 12,000$ on a new quad (our friends in Alberta have four) a new boat -hmmm that would be nice BUT! or a new vehicle-why would we choose to do that-when five years down the road we will need another new vehicle, 100 years down the road-nobody will know what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in-but that fact will remain that we will have made the differnce in the life of a child-hopefully several. The point is -your right I love nice things to, and decorating my house and planting expensive bedding plants-but none of those things are really going to matter in the long run!
Whew! that was a long one sorry! lol oh and by the way congrats on the new baby!Looking forward to seeing you through all those wonderful belly stages! lol!
Take care and good luck with your journey!
Erin
by Erin on May 28, 2008 at 7:05 pm. #
It’s amazing how we get caught up in the material things of life. We are bombarded every day with advertisements and dozens of shows on tv telling us that the only way we’ll be truly happy is to fix this and buy that and make your home look perfect. Now I will admit to being one of those people who needs my home to be exactly the way I see it in my head, but that goes with the line of work I’m in. My friend said it very astutely the other day, “everyone is so busy building bigger and bigger homes, I just want to stay where I am and use that time and money to travel and be with my family.” Now that is priorities in the right order. I just want it all : )
by Erin on May 28, 2008 at 7:13 pm. #
For me it is a continual balance. I use to be obsessed with my home and the prettiness and the tidiness to the point of being angry all the time because of course I always wanted more and wanted it to stay clean. Don’t touch that, don’t do this etc.. Somewhere it slowed down for me. I am not sure how or why. I seem to be more content with things not as perfect as I want or as tidy as I want. It has made me a bit better too. More patient and less yelly.
I think it is wonderful to want to beautify our surroundings. But if it causes one to lose perspective on what really matters, then it is time to back off alittle. Good post Kimberly.
by Jan on May 28, 2008 at 7:26 pm. #
I was painting our bathroom last night, for potential buyers really.
It looks better already and I wondered, besides being lazy, why hadn’t I done it before.
Just wasn’t a priority I guess…
It’s always a struggle, between want and satisfaction.
by Lisa Milton on May 28, 2008 at 7:33 pm. #
First, I lurve the new background!
Second, I guess we’re more like your prior owners. We prioritize our money for travel. Where other people buy expensive phones, I always think of money in terms of how many trips it will buy.
I also use my free time as FREE TIME. My weekends are mine. I don’t want to clean, grocery shop, do laundry, etc. This means we spend very little time on home repairs, which isn’t good, and that I have to use my lunch hours to do a lot of chores.
But the overall question of “what kind of life do I want to lead” is thought-provoking at least and utterly existential at best.
So, now, you’re not the only one thinking these kinds of introspective thoughts. Thanks?
by Nichole on May 28, 2008 at 7:52 pm. #
We asked ourselves this question last Aug when we were almost homeless. Was I willing to rent a crappy trailer,in a park that was in my price range and would allow us a roof over our heads..or was I willing to blow 1500 a month on a hotel room,while we searched for something with less ick factor?
I’ll be honest I almost turned the trailer down..but at the last min,with only 4 days to spare,we took this place and have survived quiet nicely. Would I like something better? YES but it’s not that big of a deal most of the time
and I’m kinda proud that I’m able to live happily in squalor;p
This is an awesome post. I think it’d be smart if everyone asked themselves this question from time to time…
by Lael on May 28, 2008 at 7:55 pm. #
I ask myself many of the same questions. We moved last fall into a house built in 1971 and not updated at all! We are slowly updating, but just decided that a resort vacation was much more important right now than a new patio. We’ll get to the house stuff eventually.
by Life As I Know It on May 28, 2008 at 8:43 pm. #
You know, there is balance in all things. There is nothing wrong with wanting our homes to look nice. But you can really go overboard on that too…
I am glad we don’t have cable any more. I don’t watch shows like that. Then they can’t make me feel like I should be doing more and more!
It’s that whole nasty perspective thing again! Ever time I turn around it seems to sneak up on me again!
by Melissa on May 28, 2008 at 9:14 pm. #
I love HG TV! And great post, you’ve definitely made me think.
by Jaina on May 28, 2008 at 9:21 pm. #
This is a wonderfully thought provoking post. Thanks Kim.
by Summer on May 28, 2008 at 11:30 pm. #
These are the things that tug at me every day. I am torn between the battle of being and the battle of doing. I want the house done! I want carpet that isn’t so threadbare it hurts to walk on without shoes. I want things that match . . . I want . . . I want . . . I want.
And yet I don’t regret spending the money I’ve spent on great vacations. I will never regret the week in Hawaii when I should have used the money on new carpet. And yet it grates on me to have the house in this run down condition. It’s a fine line to walk, this living in the moment and being grateful for the moment. Some days I am fine, some days I fall off the line and into despair.
by Julie Wright on May 29, 2008 at 12:46 am. #
You’ve only been there a few months, so give yourself some time. We are ‘gradual’ folks…I need to live in a house for a while until it speaks to me and I know what to do with it. Mostly, it’s paint and gradual improvements. I’ll never be featured in Architectural Digest. For me, a home is comfort, a place where the kids can play without me freaking out about what may happen…it’s about the people you fill it with, the dinners, the friendships, the heart.
(though I might redo the living room for comfortable furniture right off….)
by Leendaluu on May 29, 2008 at 1:48 am. #
Great post, Kimberly. I think it’s all about balance. We’re just finishing a major remodel of our basement, and although we made compromises throughout the process, it still cost double what we planned. We even ended up having to take out a loan on our already-paid-for house. The point is, though, it’s worth it. Not for the oohs and aahs from the neighbors. Not for any magazine-worthy photo ops. (Not by any stretch of the imagination.) Not even because it’s cleaner now that we care more. But because our home is now this wonderful gathering place. It’s warm and welcoming. There are spaces for the kids to entertain their friends (and us to entertain ours). We’re spending more family time at home together. Because now it’s someplace we want to be.
by charrette on May 29, 2008 at 4:49 am. #
p.s. I’m a designer by profession, so I understand the need to have everything perfect and beautiful. But I had a wealthy aunt whose house was always magazine-perfect, and I swear I didn’t even want to sit down for fear I might un-fluff a pillow or something. Made me very uncomfortable. So my home has always been more about comfort and less about perfection.
by charrette on May 29, 2008 at 4:53 am. #
I never wanted to be married to my house but with chickens to look after, all these home projects to finish and a bigger mortgage we aren’t separating any time soon.
Truthfully I’m not much into traveling so I might as well spend my money and time where my heart is. There’s no place like home.
by The Lazy Organizer on May 29, 2008 at 6:41 am. #
My first time to visit here and I like what I see.
Last night a young man came to our home and was basically asking the same question. What is important in life? What should be our primary focus?
My simple answer – relationships.
by serf 'rett on May 29, 2008 at 4:37 pm. #
Hey Kim…
I forgot to tell you that I totally love this look. If you decide to re-decorate and move this to your ‘free templates’, I’d love to have it.
Hope you are feeling well…
Linda
lindalou1158(at)yahoo(dot)com :)
by Leendaluu on May 29, 2008 at 6:10 pm. #
deep. the great debate of my psyche: I dream of a beautiful life (travel, gardening, arts, family). But I can’t enjoy the beautiful life until things on the smaller scale are in order: home finished and in order, decorated sparely but tastefully, everything in it’s place, projects completed. I feel like my beautiful life must be earned by completing the tasks to beautify and organize myself on every other level. I could go round in circles like this forever.
by KJ on May 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm. #
Kim, I’m with Leendaluu, right down to the comfy settees. They’re not a want, they’re a need. ;D
by Jo Beaufoix on May 29, 2008 at 8:16 pm. #
the irony is that this is madonna’s first draft of that song. then she decided on something more catchy, but much less substance.
i like yours better, but would have trouble putting it to bouncy music.
by holly on May 29, 2008 at 11:21 pm. #
Jason and I feel the same way. We could have bought a much bigger house, but we didn’t, and I’m glad we didn’t. Because we don’t have a big mortgage and we can do more “life” stuff.
I am obsessed with HGTV though. It’s based here in my town. I want to work there SO BAD.
by Chickie on May 29, 2008 at 11:49 pm. #
I think you should try for half and half. Maybe not the whole showroom but just a touch here and there.
by Tonya on May 30, 2008 at 3:17 am. #
I don’t think liking beautiful things makes one a material girl. It’s when all our energy is spent on obtaining or desiring after those things and other areas of our lives are neglected that we become materialistic. It’s hard to balance it though! I live in a rental right now, which I really hate as it’s not my style at all. We were only supposed to live here under two years and it’s over three now with no end in sight. About 6 months ago I finally put up curtains in the living room and it made all the difference in the world. While I can’t make any big changes or buy beautiful new furniture, little things like curtains or a new lamp or quilt for my bed have helped me to express myself and create little pockets of beauty. Those kinds of things bring me peace and help to make me a happier person.
by mindyluwho on May 30, 2008 at 7:44 am. #
with 28 prior comments, the odds are spectacular that i’m repeating the insight of other commenters, but for what it’s worth–i think how a home looks/feels is important–i love the thought of creating and maintaining a comforting atmosphere for my family. having said that, however (you knew that part was coming, eh?), i also believe that one can create this comfort with a minimal–or at least reasonable–amount of time and cost. because the most critical component of a home evoking comfort is a mum who is available, attentive, and engaged in the lives of her hubby/kiddos.
but anyway, you knew this. i know this. we just need to work out how this translates in daily life, yes? keep me posted–i’m interested in insight from your ponderings/experiences.
by Nic on May 30, 2008 at 8:36 am. #
And THAT is why we built a new house. I am NOT a home renovation kind of girl and my husband would probably kill me if we had to undergo it together. I saw beautify within reason but don’t let it consume your life!
by Amber on May 30, 2008 at 11:57 am. #
You. Took. The. Words. Right. Out. Of. My. Mouth.
Again.
I feel exactly the same way. I’m constantly trying to balance my materialistic want want wants with my desire for a life filled with experiences and not things. What is a material girl to do?
If you figure out the answer, call me. I’ll be waiting. (Oh. And any chance you’re a libra?)
by Carolyn on May 31, 2008 at 6:45 am. #
I guess it’s all about balance.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful home.
And there’s nothing wrong with foregoing the beautiful home for other things.
I don’t have answers. But we all struggle with these questions.
by Anna Maria Junus on June 1, 2008 at 7:43 am. #