See this Face?
by Kym on June 17, 2008
This is the face of a girl who doesn’t take very good care of herself. She sleeps in her makeup more often than not. She often forgets to shower during the course of her day and ends up staying at home rather than afflicting the world with the sight of her streelish looks. She can’t remember the last time she painted her nails or curled her hair. Heck, she hasn’t even had her hair cut since January.
She’s doing okay with the eyebrow tweezing, but only because when you have a unibrow that sort of thing isn’t really considered optional.
She isn’t treating the inside of herself too well either. Physical activity levels are slowly declining, even as the vegetable to cookie ratio is being knocked severely out of whack.
In short, she’s being pretty nasty to herself. To the point of driving herself batty by talking about herself in the third person even.
Gah. Enough of that.
So I’ve been mulling this over the last few days, as always, trying to get to the source of the problem before I bother myself with trying to solve it. I’m very efficient like that. Simple fact is that I avoid looking in the mirror these days.
It really is a nastily vicious cycle. I don’t take care of myself, so I don’t like myself much, I don’t like myself much so I don’t take care of myself. It’s a chicken or the egg sort of situation as to which happened first, but I’ve always had my money on the chicken. Or in my case, the not liking myself much option.
I’ve struggled with not liking myself since I was about nine years old or so. Hard habit to break, but some fabulous friends, a husband, and a couple dozen blog readers have helped me shake some of the nastier thoughts I used to have about myself.
There are days when I even think I’m mildly fabulous. Only a couple days out of the 365 so far though. No need to deflate me just yet (you were tempted to, weren’t you?).
So I figure the only way to break out of this nasty vicious cycle is to do something mildly extreme. And, as my 30th birthday is looming on the horizon I thought, hey…yeah…that’ll do.
So that’s my goal. I’m going to “fix myself” by my birthday. Inside and out people. Shrink ye olde waist line. Clean up my blemish ridden face (you can’t see it in the picture because of the mountain of make up and the flash washing me out, I’m vain like that). I’m going to shower first thing in the morning every day so that I can go where I like when I like instead of slowly descending into hermitage.
I’m going to do lots of good stuff like that.
And then, I’m going to show you the pictures. And the measurements. Yep. I’m going to pull out the measuring tape. And I’m going to take pictures of myself with no makeup on (that’ll make for some frightening before pictures, methinks). And then (oh yes, there’s a then)…
I’m going to post a full length photo of myself. Something I have never done here before. Bye-bye to just head shots with the camera angle and lighting carefully calculated. Hello to pictures that show what I actually look like.
Right…should my eye be twitching like this? I’m pretty sure my eye shouldn’t be twitching like this.
So. Countdown. Countdown to the breaking of this vicious cycle I’m currently mired in. Here’s to liking myself and treating myself well.
Now. I’m going to go clip my toenails. Seriously. They’re driving me nuts.
32 comments
Oh, to be looking forward to that auspicious 30th birthday…again.
Hey, I’m an expert at that self-destruct/self-loathe cycle. Been in it for years. I think setting a date and making a plan is a great way to let yourself out.
You go, girl!
by charrette on June 17, 2008 at 5:38 pm. #
Woohoo! Can’t wait to see the progress you’ll make . . . and hey . . . when you figure out the secret of how to see yourself as your friends/Father sees you . . . let me know . . . been struggling with that a wee bit lately . . .
by Kate on June 17, 2008 at 6:16 pm. #
If it makes you feel any better my hair hasn’t been cut since the end of December. And there is a reason I shower at night before I go to bed … then I don’t have to skip it the next day :) !!
Cheer up, you have many people who adore you!
by An Ordinary Mom on June 17, 2008 at 6:22 pm. #
You are a braver woman than I.
by Memarie Lane on June 17, 2008 at 9:21 pm. #
You can do it!
I think about posting a “before” picture. But not until there’s a definite “after”
by the MomBabe on June 17, 2008 at 9:26 pm. #
Looking forward to seeing the process AND the results!
by Annette Lyon on June 17, 2008 at 9:54 pm. #
You should have been a model then–you have the narrow face and the “longer” nose. I was always told my nose was “too short” for headshots. You would have been a shoe-in. Also, didn’t you know that sleeping with your makeup on is very moisturizing? :)
by Heather B. Moore on June 17, 2008 at 10:18 pm. #
i love you for the unibrow and the lack of haircuts and the too lazy to be bothered with removing makeup bit and the eye that twitches at thoughts of public scrutiny…in short, i love you because you are just like me! ha.
seriously, though. i love you.
by Nic on June 17, 2008 at 10:43 pm. #
I just let my toenails fall off periodically.
No, just lying. :)
I did come to the realization that I work with a bunch of engineers so there is no need for me to be…I don’t know, who do men like? J-Lo? There’s no need for me to be J-Lo every day. But I do make a small effort. For the hubs. :)
by That Chick Over There on June 17, 2008 at 10:54 pm. #
Way to go for putting it all out there like that. I really think that is great and a very worthy birthday wish.
by Jan on June 17, 2008 at 11:01 pm. #
I always work better with a dead line! Do you know of a way I can lose 10 lbs by Saturday and still eat all the food I want? Yeah… I didn’t think so :)
by Melissa on June 17, 2008 at 11:14 pm. #
Wohooo! I’m looking forward to it. And in case you care, you have beautiful lips. That’s not supposed to creep you out, but it’s a feature I noticed in your first photo all those months ago, and it’s one that I notice each time. Their like porcelain doll lips–perfectly pouty, expertly shaped. And I’ve always wanted brown eyes. You’re a babe, but I can’t wait for you to see the way we do.
by Josi on June 17, 2008 at 11:31 pm. #
Ooo, maybe I’ll join you in this endeavor.
by Summer on June 18, 2008 at 12:39 am. #
Kim, I get stuck in this same sort of rut too. One of the best things about my divorce and single years is that I became vain again. In a good way. I mean, I actually took time to take care of ME because I was a product again, you know? It’s so easy to get sucked into the selfless trap of motherhood. But you deserve it! WE deserve it! Happier moms make happier families, and I think you are amazingly beautiful inside and out. So have a blast, but don’t think we’ll love you any more than we already do!
by Jenna Consolo on June 18, 2008 at 1:24 am. #
P.S.–You’re not even 30 yet???? You’re a BABY!
by Jenna Consolo on June 18, 2008 at 1:25 am. #
Just don’t put pressure on yourself to accomplish it all at once, exactly the way you’ve laid out. Baby steps, right?
{{hugs}}
by Sue on June 18, 2008 at 3:06 am. #
Go for it. We’re all behind you and waiting for you to like yourself as much as we do.
You can do it!
by Tracey on June 18, 2008 at 3:09 am. #
Good luck! You have more guts than me. I’m sure you’ll succeed.
by Sarah on June 18, 2008 at 4:41 am. #
YOU CAN DO IT!!! You really are terribly likeable when you get to know you….trust me.
by Tonya on June 18, 2008 at 4:47 am. #
Setting a date for yourself with yourself is a fabu idea.
I will pray that God will open up to you a glimpse of how He sees you. There is nothing more eye-popping than seeing yourself through His eyes. Seriously.
I could write a giant comment…heck, I will do it anyway. :)
I SO understand what you are going through. My solution to this started about 4 months ago when I started blogging on a private blog. I prayed (wrote) on it completely private. One of my hardest tasks was finding something to be thankful for in my daily post.
Pretty soon I found myself full of energy, thankful for the little things, taking care of myself, and had an experience of God showing me His unconditional love to me. MIND. BLOWING. change for me, the pessimist (not saying you are, but you get it..). Email me if you feel so inclined. I truly will help in any way I can. I have big shoulders and I’ve been there!! ((hugs))
by Bee Repartee on June 18, 2008 at 6:06 am. #
you are so funny! And for the record… I always go to bed in my makeup. And Fries… are they not a regular lunch item? Potatoes are vegetables n’est-ce pas?
by Abra on June 18, 2008 at 8:37 am. #
I love you to bits and pieces just as you are babe, but you know I totally get this. I will say, as always, be kind to yourself hon, but also, well done for making positive steps to change how you feel. As long as you know that anything you do or don’t do will not change how we feel. Hugs. xx
by Jo Beaufoix on June 18, 2008 at 10:17 am. #
Wow, I can resonate with this post. That “I don’t like myself so I won’t take care of myself so now I really don’t like myself” thing is highly annoying, isn’t it?
by razzler on June 18, 2008 at 12:00 pm. #
Bravo for you. My 50th is looming and I may just need to be as honest as you. Strip it all down and then learn to love what I see (and fix a few things as well). We can all have a Jamie Lee Curtis moment in a black leotard or maybe a Dove commercial in our tighty whities….
(but you know what? We love you just the way you are!)
by Leendaluu on June 18, 2008 at 1:16 pm. #
I’m feeling much the same as you lately. I know it’s not right to be so hard on myself (or YOU for that matter) but yea, here I am anyway. It sounds like you have a plan. Go for it! I know for me, 90% of success if just actually doing what I plan to do. :)
by Cristy on June 18, 2008 at 7:47 pm. #
You are more than just mildly fabulous. I think you have a pretty darn good plan for helping you feel better about yourself. It’s inspiring.
by Jaina on June 18, 2008 at 9:55 pm. #
giggling at your eye twitching. don’t panic, i think it’s a fantastic idea! especially for your 30th birthday. kind of a coming out party. hooray to you kimberly! you’re wonderful!
by aubrey on June 18, 2008 at 11:19 pm. #
You are a beautiful girl! If posting the “real you” helps you start in the right directions of taking care of yourself then, so be it!
by Shanna on June 18, 2008 at 11:27 pm. #
oh thank BOB you’re finally going to get your act together. because up to this point i have been thinking you’re only *mostly* nice, and only *mostly* wonderful. if only you could get to that last bit of perfection, then i could *truly* enjoy you.
HA! no, i adore you no matter what.
you are *completely* fantastic/fabulous/wonderful and i will fight *anyone* who disagrees. fortunately, that seems to be just one…
by holly on June 19, 2008 at 7:50 pm. #
Hey! Nice to meet you. Really! It’s nice. So much fun to read this blog…all night…ever since you commented on mine…
I love this post. For two reasons. I feel more normal now. And I’m also really self-centered and so I love that I have nearly the same post on my blog titled “the awful truth-part 2.” I will continue to read more from you for laughs and authenticity. I love how your gift for writing includes honesty. Cheers to you.
-Heather from MN
Oh! P.S. One time I was coming home from Canada and I got lost trying to get to the MN border…when my friends and I reached the “border” we were looking for, we just sat and stared at the sign. It said, “welcome to Montana”….
oops.
by heather on June 23, 2008 at 12:48 am. #
What I love about you Kimberly is that you are so real. I love how you analyze yourself and find out what you need to do to change. Your posts are always full of hope that you can be a better person. I think you’re fabulous for that!
by mindyluwho on June 23, 2008 at 5:29 am. #
Operation Dangerous,cause section week including white district consumer content wash welfare arrangement car idea next within northern check how more film around to need straight move almost city enable united pension nation little name solicitor sea pattern right attack page standard relative share agree instead type tea enter context enough wash code temperature bring dark suppose town treat island search to wild component change bridge garden leading power independent example majority rather rock building name bloody nor demand follow brief similar might administration person wild bird body travel if
by Originalaward on December 4, 2009 at 9:12 am. #