I imagine that many of you would answer the above question differently. Those in their early twenties (I don’t think I have any teenage readers, if so, well…hi!) might play nice and protest, “Oh no, being nearly thirty isn’t old at all. Really.” But there might be something in the tone of their response that gives away the horror they feel at the thought of passing into the next decade of age.
Many others are my contemporaries, and I’m sure their opinions vary based own their own personal experiences.
I know I have readers in their forties and beyond and the question posed in my title might make them groan or laugh or even feel indignant. “Old? Pish. You think that’s old, honey?”
Still, with my thirtieth birthday approaching (August 19th for those keeping track) next month I can’t help reflecting a little about my age. You see, I was a bit of a late bloomer. I was dragged into adulthood kissing and screaming. No, that’s not a typo. It was meeting Neil that really set me on a course I’d been avoiding for years, and I imagine my determination not to grow up might not have wavered to such a degree if he weren’t such a fabulous kisser.
He’s been away for five days now, no shock that I’m missing him a wee bit, okay?
What no one told me. What no one even hinted at. Is how incredibly joyful it can be to recognize one’s responsibilities and tackle them with gusto. I might have realized that if I hadn’t put off reading the Anne of Green Gables series till I was twenty-four, because so much of that joy in motherhood and housewifedom is described in those pages (I read of Anne whenever my life appears bleak and monotonous).
The amazing thing isn’t that feeling of joy though, it’s how quickly it can be forgotten. How quickly malaise can settle back in. It’s not a matter of age, this forgetfulness. It’s a matter of humanity. We are a forgetful race, we humans. We learn lessons and are blessed with insights that leave us smiling and striving for more. And then that knowledge slips away from us in the night, as it were, and we are left feeling an indescribable sense of loss.
Funnily enough, I have trouble remembering what I’ve forgotten.
And then, in a flicker-flash of an instant, a lesson learned will come rushing back and I’ll have one of those forehead slapping moments. How could I have forgotten that? How could I have forgotten that insight, that lesson, or how good doing xyz makes me feel?
I’m getting to the point that some of those lessons are sticking around a bit longer. They feel a bit more stable. More firmly entrenched in my memory. But the constant slipping away of lovely thoughts continues, and I only hope I remember to search them out again and again.
And of course, to write them down. Here.
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38 Comments
This is why I blog.
I’m 32 and I’m still waiting to feel like a grown-up. It’s funny to me now that I felt like an old maid at 23.
What a wornderful post. So true. We are so forgetful.
I will be 26 in a couple of months and it seems to old! I remeber watching people this age and thinking they were so mature – and now I am still a kid inside! My Mum is 51 and she says she still feels that way. ;)
You know, I tried for so many years in my early 20’s to “grow up” and be mature. It came with having kids really young and I thought that I had to change the way I acted and responded to life (with a little less exuberance). It was way overrated. Now I’m on this downward spiral to figuring out who I really am and what I really want and I find I’m un-maturing as much as I can. And so often I forget that I need to be less serious and I have to relearn to have fun and be less jaded. Great post!!! So true.
Oh Kim, why did you have to remind me that I’m turning the big 3-0 soon…the day after you! Uh, that seems really old. I was thinking the other day – all the kids at church that just graduated from high school and are getting ready to leave for college in a couple of weeks were only in 1st grade when I graduated…boy did that put things into perspective – I am old!
So it happens again. We both wrote about age today. Me, only a little and much less eloquently…
So true what you said. I too was a VERY late bloomer. I avoided it like it was some sort of sickness.
I think the problem with me is that I always had it in my head that I had to get all perfectly mature in every way all at once. I was afraid to take a step forward, so as not to get sucked in to some old frumpy life of bore. It’s so relieving to realize it’s not about that. It’s a lifetime process, and there are a million different ways of going about it. It makes maturing seem more appealing when I stop putting so much pressure on myself to somehow do it “right.”
I could go on and on – LOVE this topic so I ramble…
I’m 32 and still don’t feel old enough to be much past my mid twenties … maybe when we are done with school and are settled in a house I will feel a tad older :) !!
And I still haven’t tackled Anne of Green Gables. Maybe I will have to do that sooner rather than later!
I think I really choose not to fully bloom. Its to exciting not to. I love the process of growing and changing. I can’t get the hang of being grown up yet. And I am okay with that. I know my kids would probably say please hurry, but to them I say, you wait and you will understand. Let me dance, swing, laugh and be silly.
30’s are fun. Enjoy the ride. It gets better.
I remember my mother always saying, “I don’t feel older than 18. I walk past the mirror and see that old lady reflecting back and I don’t know who she is.” I never really understood that until recently. No matter what the calendar says, we need to know who we are and then age is just a number. Until the kids laugh histerically at you when you dance in the kitchen with the radio turned full volume and you turn around and realize that their friends are laughing too.
The thirties are great. I love them. A lot of things that shouldn’t matter really do quit mattering, finally.
When I grew up, all I wanted to be was OLD. I mean like really old, eighty-ish. That’s because I hung out with my grandfather a lot and he was THE coolest. I wanted to be like that. Still do. So I’m waiting to get old, but not enough to rush it because young is fun, too.
And I totally dig little old men. Old is cool. I’m going to be a rockin’ little old lady.
i’ve been hanging out with some of your teenage readers. they sooo think 30 is fine. they said, and i quote, “dude, it’s fine.”
then they went back to their video gaming zen.
the way you get these lessons to stick around is with sticky-notes. yes, sticky-note your life away. that’s what *i* do. and so my life looks like a bad office. who cares really? the videogamers don’t.
I’m in my early twenties, and there is no sarcastic tone to my saying THIRTY IS NOT OLD. But, if anything, I’ve always looked up to and surrounded myself with older people. So I’ve always looked forward to the future and aging..although talk to me in a few years. I already freaked out over my first wrinkle. Wait, where was I? Oh yes, you are NOT OLD. Hah..seriously though, vanity aside there is nothing bad about aging! You just get to experience more and learn more about yourself.
Okay so, I’m glad to know you’re still older than me (by like a few months but still) phew! I am nervous about thirty… why? Well, I remember being in grade seven and my friends were like – “your mom’s only 32? That’s so young you’re lucky!” And me going, “uh, yeah, okay.” But now that I’m thirty this year and Deklan’s only going into grade three then that means when he’s in grade seven, I’ll be 33 which is SOOOOOO much older than 32. :)
Great post!
I am 31 and I had my kids when I was younger they are 10, 8 and 7 so in my 20’s I was busy running after my toddlers and not really doing the ‘young and free’ thing so now that my kids are all in school full time and I am in my 30s I am loving it, I feel young and free. Young enough to enjoy the kids and they like the music I listen too…lol!!
Well said, and I too often feel this way. Thirty is around the corner for me as well, and while their are many days I feel super old, the years ahead are very exciting to me. I think I”m excited to get old because I”m excited about who I am growing old with. Even on those monotonous days (and their are many, and thank goodness for that Anne girl!) I feel like at least I have those that matter most, so no time is waisted. Now to remember those lessons! ;)
I need to edit my post… Deklan will be going into grade four… I will still be 33 when he’s in grade 7 so for all you math people out there… I hope you all feel better now :)
I still feel like I am playing house…
I agree on the forgetfulness. What is it with us that way? I am constantly re-learning the same lessons in life … constantly learning to let go …
Maybe the conquering happens in our forties?
Great post!
-Ali
Well said. We are fine wine baby, only getting better with age. :)
Blogging has been so good for me for this very reason.
I’m one of the “Pish! 30 is nothing” people. To me you sound a little like Sally Albright: “I’m going to be 40!” she wails, reaching for another tissue. “Really? When?” “Someday!”
But then you turn it into this lovely, reflective post about forgetfulness. And remembering.
LOVE paragraph #7! in its entirety.
Very, very nice.
This is one of the things you do best. And we all love you for it.
I have such a horrible memory. When my husband talks about something that happens (that I don’t remember in the slightest!) I have to wonder if that is the way it really went.
Age is all about how old you feel! There are tons of people out there who are way older than they are…if that makes any sense! I want to be young forever! Even if it’s only in my head!
I’, all caught up and just had a lovely read my sweet. At 33 I can promise you that 30 is ok ad I don’t feel any different to 23, but it would be a lie. I feel so much more myself, so much happier and so much more hopeful than when I was 23. How weird is that? Maybe I’m getting a bit weird in my old age, hee hee??
I have pondered this question myself. I came to a point when I began to feel isolated from young people and their things, their activities, their language. Then I began to feel “funny” about participating in certain activities like performing and blogging. Then I realized that age is perhaps a matter of mental attitude, and I decided that I was still a young person who was somehow trapped in an aging carcass. Since coming to that realization, I’ve been more at peace. MW
If I could I would always blame my forgetfulness on pregnancy. As it is I blame it on being a mother in general. :)
30 is not old… it’s not. No really! I’m 31… so, 30 can’t be old… it just can’t…
Old! Older than the hills you are! ~bursts into a wicked cackle~ You are ancient! Old! Creaking at the knees!
~wink~
What’s the quote. I’ll mangle it for you.
If “Kim” is old, then “Eowyn” is at deaths door. It is a miracle my life has extended this far.
You’re awesome, and now I’ll never forget your birthday…it’s the same as Adam’s! You’re NOT old yet.
I think we finally become mature when we realize what that means. It doesn’t mean to be all serious about life, which is what I thought when I was a teenager. Being mature is when you know what the important things in life are, which include the silly and fun along with the serious.
I neglected my disastrous house today to play games with Professor on his birthday. I wanted to blog about him, but I’m sure he preferred me playing this horrendously long board game that we’ve had for a year and never tried. We played Mario Kart and he chose the hard races so he could laugh as my kart fell off of cliffs. I wish I had time to blog and play games, but today I didn’t. I’m happy I chose to spend time with my baby. (Eight years old! Sniff, sniff.)
Today, I believe I matured a little bit more.
see, now, this is why i blog. i mean, aside from the self-aggrandizement and all, it’s so handy to be able to glance back over my past musings and be like, oh. yes. i’ve learned that lesson twenty-three times now. perhaps i should write it down and tape it to my mirror.
in all seriousness, i think transcribing my self-reflective moments helps me remember a bit more often; learn a teensy bit faster.
plusalso it gives me an avenue to interact with fabulous, YOUNG people such as yourself. you know.
Dude. You’re a kid.
One of the best things someone told me about your thirties?
You’re young enough to have fun, but old enough to be taken seriously.
Enjoy!
old? you? old. me. Some days I feel older than dirt, and others I think I am young and full of years ahead of me. I like what lapoflux said. And I agree that we forget the moments that give us pause. I wish i didn’t forget so quickly.
I tagged you for a daft meme Kim. But only cos’ I love you. x
Seriously, parents don’t get older. Just wiser.
Trust me.
I’ve finally caught up! I’m with you, in case you were wondering.
I’m going on 32 and feel like a grown up but not quite adult. Or maybe it’s vice versa. Some days I can’t quite tell.
But. I’m making a mental note: Anne of Green Gables. . .
If not for my old journals and now, my blog, I would feel so lost! As though these “tedious” moments didn’t count for anything. But they DO. My life is being lived, no matter how small it may seem to someone else.
Old? Pish. Just wait til you’re breathing down the next of 50..
I’m one of your in the 20’s readers. Couple months shy of 23 to be exact. And I don’t know, maybe my tune will change someday, but I mostly don’t worry about age. It’s just a new adventure, or the continuation of the old familiar one. Maybe I’m just weird. Hey, just think 13 Going on 30….30 fabulous and thriving. That’s what you’ll be ;)