Domesticity
by Kym on September 27, 2008
It didn’t come easy to me, that so often elusive domesticity. The first year of our marriage saw Neil wrinkling his nose at my scant culinary abilities; namely the preparation of pan fried chicken, soggy pasta with canned sauce and grilled cheese sandwiches. And though we’ve been married seven years now, it’s only in the last two or three that I’ve achieved anything like competency in the kitchen.
Note that I say competency and not excellence.
Other areas of home life have improved drastically. It is very rarely now that Neil, who owns 28 or so pairs of socks, runs out of clean ones. We don’t have to do dishes to have clean ones. In fact, I often do the dishes immediately after a meal, which has caused a small amount of marital disharmony as Neil is used to using post-mealtime for his own purposes.
I still struggle. Oh how I struggle, but years of refusing to try for fear of failure seem to have passed in the wake of loving my family and wanting them to have the comforts of home that only a struggling and striving wife and mother can provide. I want my children to brag/threaten to beat up other kids in a battle over whose mom makes the best cookies. I want to serve up a meal to business associates of my husband and watch him glow with pride, as it were. I want to hear someone knock at the door unexpectedly and not stifle a quick curse as I shove as much mess out of sight as I can before sprinting to the door and trying to pretend nothing is amiss.
Tonight I made banana bread. In the space of half an hour I whipped up two batches, had one in the oven and one ready to go, all the dishes done, counters wiped, and little plates for the girls laid out and ready to greet the first slices of pungent warmth.
And you know something? It didn’t feel much like work. I whirled and twirled around my small kitchen and felt strangely content. Perhaps that is where the similarity between domesticity and being domesticated lie. There is a certain taming of the wildness involved in this. One must accept the rules and laws of housekeeping/homemaking.
I realized tonight that I do. Not always, or even often, but in those brief joyful moments where I am not just accepting of my lot in life, but glad of it. Glad to serve. Glad to love. Whatever daily monotonies must be endured in the process. You won’t catch me saying this very often, but today, in this one moment, I feel it is worth it.
30 comments
Boy, I wish I could get that feeling in the kitchen! I can do it while cleaning or doing work in any other room in the house, but cooking is stubborn. It insists on feeling like work.
So, can you bottle some of that good attitude and sell me some? I sorely need it.
by wynne on September 27, 2008 at 7:55 pm. #
funny how a slight change in attitude can yield such big results.
by MomBabe on September 27, 2008 at 8:07 pm. #
It’s great to have a day when you can mix in a little pleasure and diversion into all the monotonous stuff. Wish I had some banana bread. :)
by Steph @ Diapers and Divinity on September 27, 2008 at 8:16 pm. #
That is so neat! I love baking. I hate the clean up, but I love to bake. I’m not the best at housekeeping, but I do what needs to be done.
I hope that your banana bread turned out delicious!
by Jenna on September 27, 2008 at 8:40 pm. #
i’m trying to get that down…the problem is, i just hate (more like abhor) laundry and dishes. cooking i’m a little better about…
maybe someday laundry won’t feel like work.
by cornnut32 on September 27, 2008 at 8:40 pm. #
I love this! Now I have a great picture of you in my head as a “ideal homemaker” who sometimes isn’t exactly ideal.
I love your twirling and whirling around the kitchen and the description of its cleanliness. There are few things that I love more than a clean kitchen. I really wish I could get myself to wash dishes and wipe counters/table right after we eat. The times that I do I feel SO awesome. And like you say, it’s not hard! Especially if you just do it as routine and don’t let things go.
by Lisa on September 27, 2008 at 9:26 pm. #
Way to go! I know what a great feeling that is to accept that some things (unplesant ones!) need to get done for the people we love. I TRY my best at being a goddess in the kitchen, but just in case people get the wrong idea, I have a plaque on the wall that says, “I have a kitchen only because it came with the house.” :-)
by Marivic on September 28, 2008 at 12:02 am. #
Okay, what are the rules of housekeeping/homemaking? I struggle with this sooo much. My husband works all week and I think still cleans the house more than I do. I tend to feel defeated by the baby because no sooner do I get one little mess cleaned up than he’s made another one and I get very bored doing things that don’t stay done. So I just let them stay undone, and I’m trying to find that place I need to dig down to so that I can care about the shambles my house is half the time.
by Melanie J on September 28, 2008 at 12:21 am. #
It’s so nice to see the joy every now and then, isn’t it? We all know it’s a lot of work to keep house. Seeing the joys is much less common. Good for you!
by JustRandi on September 28, 2008 at 6:08 am. #
It’s rare for me too, but I find I really do have to make a choice to enjoy the repetitive stuff. You know, have a very serious talk with myself before I’m ready for my change of heart. Cause I sure can grump around if I don’t set my mind on NOT grumping around :)
by Heather of the EO on September 28, 2008 at 6:11 am. #
brief bouts with joyfull moments should be embrassed and cherished… remeber these thoughts when things are less than satisfying. btw… love me some banana bread! yummy!
by LeeGro on September 28, 2008 at 6:56 am. #
I don’t make a lot of things, but banana bread is one of those things I enjoy. Muffins and bread, anytime. Meat and side dishes? Not so much.
by tracey on September 28, 2008 at 9:21 am. #
This is something I need to remember. Cleanliness really does feel so good–but it’s like pulling my own teeth to do more than I realy need to on any given day.
And now I want banana bread . . .
by Annette on September 28, 2008 at 10:36 am. #
Great! Keep going! Little triumphs!
by Cristy on September 28, 2008 at 11:10 am. #
YAY Kim… I remember going to your house one Sunday, and your mom made chicken cordon bleu. I’d never had it before and was absolutely amazed that she had made it from scratch.
Equally amazed am I that you made banana bread. I hate baking, as I’ve stated several times… and so WOW and Kudos to you :)
by Abra on September 28, 2008 at 12:00 pm. #
This is funny, you are speaking about reality. The way the story is related is very humorous. I like the vein it travels through.
by Joy Leftow on September 28, 2008 at 1:14 pm. #
i think i may have mentioned this title before, but if you haven’t yet read this, i’d highly recommended purchasing/borrowing HOME COMFORTS: THE ART AND SCIENCE OF KEEPING HOUSE. the underlying purpose of this book falls neatly in line with your vein of thought–the pleasure in creating a home that evokes comfort and warmth for our families. :)
by nic on September 28, 2008 at 1:30 pm. #
Inspiring. I TRY. I have my moments. It’s good to have a reminder of why I do it and how great it can feel.
by Natalie on September 28, 2008 at 2:22 pm. #
What a wonderful post! I try, lo do I try. I do pretty good in the cooking and cleaning arena (though you wouldn’t know it by my neglected house right now). But one area I have accepted I will NEVER be good at is crafts/homemaking. And my hubby is much happier when I avoid them because I’m a lot happier. :)
by Amber's Crazy Bloggin' Canuck on September 28, 2008 at 6:49 pm. #
Ah, I love it when you twirl!
by Novembrance on September 28, 2008 at 7:26 pm. #
It’s always good to stand back and reflect on how far you’ve come. I’m still not that great in the kitchen and to be honest I don’t really want to be but I’m good at other things and I try to focus on that.
by Tonya on September 28, 2008 at 8:31 pm. #
I think I needed to read this post this morning. I am having a severe attitude problem. Mostly because for some reason I am very tired. And I even got a full night’s sleep last night. I need to focus on the joy that I will feel when it–whatever it is–is done.
Thanks.
by Eowyn on September 29, 2008 at 6:59 am. #
Ah, yes. I know the feeling you describe, and it is wonderful. Isn’t it amazing what happens when we embrace our domesticity? In fact, I spent a bit of time this morning re-cutting a nightgown pattern that I cut the wrong size last night. I tell myself that the feeling of accomplishment when it’s done will be worth the internal swearing.
I’ve read several of your latest posts, and we are very much in the same place these days.
BTW, I’ve missed writing. I decided a few paragraphs are better than nothing. ;)
by Rebecca on September 29, 2008 at 8:19 am. #
Great post! I have been married for 12 years..& STILL can not cook…. I do want to learn but….. mmm, maybe next week. Working on the clean house…. looking pretty good…but not company ready everyday.
by American in Norway on September 29, 2008 at 9:35 am. #
That’s awesome! I love it when things just work like that! I’m glad for you!
I learned, too, that if I do a little everyday, most “domestic” things just aren’t that bad. I don’t always do that, but I learned it and I can make it work for me, if I so choose!
by Tirzah on September 29, 2008 at 11:46 am. #
I need some content whirling and twirling. Is it possible to buy this somewhere?
by dapoppins on September 29, 2008 at 3:06 pm. #
banana bread ROCKS!
so do cookies.
and brownies.
aw crap you can tell it was weigh-day, can’tcha?
by hollydolly on September 29, 2008 at 3:25 pm. #
I love the mental image of you whirling and twirling in your kitchen. :)
by Jaina on September 30, 2008 at 2:24 pm. #
I doubt the wild side of me will ever be completely domesticated. But your little banana bread whirl in the kitchen gives me hope.
by charrette on September 30, 2008 at 3:43 pm. #
The last few weeks I have really been trying to embrace motherhood and homemaking more than I usually do (hence the reading and commenting of your 5 most recent posts in one sitting), and I feel blessed to feel that I am having a change of heart.
by An Ordinary Mom on October 1, 2008 at 11:04 am. #