I Am So Brilliant. No. Really.
by Kym on November 25, 2008
So after two and a half years of this blogging thing I’ve finally figured it out. I’ve had my grand little ah-ha! moment. My epiphany. Warning to my non-blogging readers. This post will make little or no sense to you.
So NaNoWriMo (which I’m pretty much set not to complete in time – 18,000 words in 5 days? Technically possible, but my life has already begun unravelling at the seams, thank you very much) has left me with no time to read blogs. Well, technically I could have given up other aspects of my life to make time for blogging. Eating, sleeping, child rearing, that sort of thing. In fact, I think I did that last year…but I elected not to go on a sabbatical from being a good mum this year. They’re old enough to remember now, after all. Anyway, little or no blog reading this month. And I missed it rather a lot. I missed specific people more though. My close friends and buddies. The people I can’t wait to read the blogs of every day.
And I opened my feed reader today and saw that I had upwards of two hundred posts to read. Following 80 blogs sounds so lovely and impressive, but really? It’s madness of the highest order. As I was sorting through and thinking of reading a few during my early morning lethargy this morning, it hit me. Some of these gals are my nearest and dearest. I adore them. We email back and forth sometimes. A few I even have little chat sessions with every now and again. They’re the sort of friends I can’t imagine not ever having as friends, you know? I’m not going to go into high levels of schmultz and say we’re going to be friends FOREVER and EVER, because friendships tend to have times and seasons, but they’re the sort of people I hope I get to be friends with forever. They make me a better person just by being a part of my life.
Then there are the friends who I often have a good laugh with. We’re buds. But we’re not call-each-other-at-2am-when-something-awful/wonderful happens kind of friends. We’re close, but not so close we could walk into each others’ houses without knocking.
Then there are the see in the supermarket, hey! Haven’t seen you in ages, how the heck are you? friends. Love ‘em. They make me smile. So glad they’re part of my world. But we never really touch base during the week. Our lives kind of bump up against each others’ every now and again, but aren’t really intertwined.
There are so many levels of friendship in this life, and I’ve been struggling to fit blogging friendships into a new niche and make sense of them somehow. What hit me is that blogging friendships fit into the old niches just fine. Some of you have become essential to my sanity in oh so many ways, some of you I love but haven’t really connected with, some of you are just acquaintances at this point, or perhaps just silent watchers who have yet to reach out.
And just as there is no time in this life to meet and befriend everyone, there isn’t time in the great ole Bloggisphere either. Not with over a billion blogs floating around out there. And there seems to be a common thread connecting so very many of the women (and men) I’ve met through my blogging. And that thread is fabulousness. There’s a particular heart touching sincerity I’ve found in all the blogs I read. Whatever the degree of friendship with the bloggers I’ve met, every single one of them has that in common. A fabulous form of sincerity that makes me glad to know them to any degree.
To know you.
And just like in the world beyond the computer screen, there are only so many hours to devote to friendshipping. There are only so many friends we can maintain close friendships with. It’s a bittersweet thing to realize the same thing applies to blogging. I can’t visit every blog every day. Attempts have been made. Oh so many attempts. But I’m like a buffet visitor trying to glut themselves on every single dish without exploding. Sometimes in life we have to choose our favourites, as hard as that may be.
So what am I saying, really? I guess that I’ve realized I can’t do as much as I hoped I could. I thought to be one of those bloggers with hundreds upon hundreds of readers. I wanted to be a star. Or I thought I did. But I didn’t miss the reams of comments while I was blogging less. I didn’t miss feeling popular. I missed my friends. There are fewer blogs on my bloglines list now. I’ve done this before, of course. Pared things down to those bloggers I actually feel a connection and real friendship with. It’s never lasted. I’ve always missed the quantity of blogging friendships and added everyone back on. And I’ve hated the guilt that comes with quietly leaving the loyal reader list of blogs I very much enjoy.
But I’ve realized I should also feel guilty for saying, in effect, to my dearest blogging friends, You are not enough. I need more than that.
What I learned this month is that I don’t. They (you?) are more than enough. Others of you won’t see me around much anymore. And you better believe I feel miserable over the fact. But know that you share that common thread with my nearest and dearest. You are fabulous.
I’m far too selfish to have ever read your blog in the first place if that weren’t the case.
Oh, and please don’t hate me. It gives me hives. Thank you.
37 comments
We all hit that bump at some point during blogging. I couldn’t keep up on my novel, and host Thanksgiving, and chaperone field trips, etc and be everything to everybody.
I *tried* but I just couldn’t swing it, and with the holidays over the horizon, it probably won’t become easier.
I guess online as well as in life we can only do so much, and really, it’s enough.
ox
Lisa Milton´s last blog post..bundle up and head to library; I’ll make tea
by Lisa Milton on November 25, 2008 at 12:25 pm. #
All very true. And very well put. :)
by Jaina on November 25, 2008 at 12:29 pm. #
there are so many times when I have felt this way. that I am spreading myself too thin. ignoring the people who are most important to me in the hopes of being something that in reality I’m really not. this blog business is overwhelming. as it ramps up you want to keep the momentum going but honestly it can be exhausting and it can’t come at the expense of family or those who really truly are your beloved friends. social media as a whole has some serious flaws. i’ve found many new beloved friends (you certainly are one) but i’ve also found new friends that come with a feeling of obligation and when i look at it as a whole, that’s not what i want.
the ones that stay around, do so because we care. not because you leave us comments in return.
by Deconstructing Jen on November 25, 2008 at 12:38 pm. #
It will work out well. I think we have to come up with our own system of what works with our family and life. You can’t be everything to everybody for sure. Be true to yourself. It is always the best. Loved this post.
Jan´s last blog post..
by Jan on November 25, 2008 at 12:52 pm. #
I haven’t worked on my Nanowrimo novel in almost a week… um forty thousand words in four days is doable right?
I took a week off of blogging simply because I needed to get my life more in order.
I read the posts that I want to when I want to.
by Abra on November 25, 2008 at 12:56 pm. #
That’s a great realization. I’ll have to keep an eye out to see if you’re still wandering by. Regardless, I’ll be back here every day….
Melanie J´s last blog post..‘Ere you left your room this morning…
by Melanie J on November 25, 2008 at 1:08 pm. #
That was very well said. We all do what we have to do, right? Congratulations on working on your priorities.
by Erin on November 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm. #
What!! You won’t be coming to my blog anymore! NOOO!!!! ;) J/K I think I’ve only updated a few times since you started checking and you commented on two of them, which was nice, but I promise I won’t cry if you don’t come visiting anymore…too much. ;)
Kiera´s last blog post..Twilight: Revisited
by Kiera on November 25, 2008 at 1:35 pm. #
What honesty, what candor!
That is one of the things I love about you, that you are so thoroughly honest. I also have felt that way, and that’s why I think for so long I would take good-sized “breaks” here and there. Sure, it would be nice to have more than 3-5 comments per post, but you know what? There are only a select few that I really feel are my friends. Those who when I’ve been gone for a while leave a comment hoping I’m ok. I used to spend a lot of time on so many blogs, but nearly none of those people cared if I visited or not. I’ve stopped leaving comments at so many other blogs, because the moment I stop commenting they stop coming to mine. I feel like I’m not being honest or just wasting time if I go to a blog just for the hope of a comment.
Sure, it would be wonderful for me to have a large readership, but I’d want them to come because they like my writing, not because they’re trying to up their comment level. I know I’ve been guilty of that before, but haven’t we all at some point?
So for now, the only blogs I’ll read are the ones of those who I feel closer too, even if it’s not as often with all I’m going through at present. Well them, and people like Sue at Navel Gazing who is so funny and witty that I still read her even though she has never visited me. But she’s such a good writer that she deserves the readership.
And you, my dear, are one that I will always read even if you can’t come around as much. Heck, even today I had to catch up on several of your posts since I was gone. If I had a laptop, I would have SO been here!
by Rebecca on November 25, 2008 at 4:24 pm. #
Umm…I meant “closer to” not “too”. I hate it when I commit my own worst pet peeve! :D
by Rebecca on November 25, 2008 at 4:26 pm. #
The hardest bloggy day ever was the day I realized I couldn’t return every comment I got. And I couldn’t read the blogs of everyone who commented. Not and still find time to shower and pee.
I lost some commenters, and some visitors, and I know sometimes people are offended that they comment and I can’t always return the favor, but it’s just the reality of blogging and life and balance. Offending my seven year old, or offending someone who comments on my blog – it shouldn’t be a hard choice.
Even the blogs where I read every post (like yours), I only comment every now and then – because again, balance.
So good for you. GOOD FOR YOU. Give yourself a big pat on the back.
by Sue on November 25, 2008 at 4:50 pm. #
Um, yes, yes you are. Brilliant, I mean.
by Novembrance on November 25, 2008 at 4:57 pm. #
It’s hard when your away-from-the-computer life gets super busy. I’ve been guilty of lurking for months now – I simply haven’t had time for commenting. It sucks because you do make connections. And now I have to go because Punkin is carrying on about I don’t know what but the crying hurts my ears.
by jo on November 25, 2008 at 5:06 pm. #
i’m wrestling with this too…there are so many warm people with brilliant blogs, and yet i feel the need to really focus on a manageable amount of friends…you know, pour myself deep instead of spreading out till i’m a mile wide and an inch deep.
most of us who’ve blogged for a while now get this…and we understand (and maybe, ironically, applaud) your paring down, even if we don’t make the cut. :)
good on ya, mate.
nic´s last blog post..current status:
by nic on November 25, 2008 at 5:30 pm. #
A billion is a really big number. It really is painful to cut back, but just you’re right.
I too have noticed it’s impossible and draining to keep up with everyone I’ve ever “met” in the blog world. I sure wish I could. I really do.
Love your honesty, as usual.
You are lovely.
by Heather of the EO on November 25, 2008 at 5:55 pm. #
I know how you feel. I try to keep up, but things always get in the way. Right now the only reason I have time to read blogs is because I’m avoiding my mother – who is staying with me this week – by hiding in my office and pretending to “clean my desk.” Yes, apparently I’m 12 again.
We love you. You are wonderful. It’s all good.
VirtualSprite´s last blog post..how do you solve a problem like a goober
by VirtualSprite on November 25, 2008 at 6:13 pm. #
It is literally impossible to be 100% mother, 100% wife, 100% sister, friend, visiting teacher, AND blogger. I’m no mathematician, but all those 100s just don’t add up.
Read what you can, and enjoy it. “Stressful blogging” is a paradox.
by That Girl in Brazil on November 25, 2008 at 6:26 pm. #
Oh yes, I totally get it. Blogging is such a new thing in the world that it’s hard to know how to manage it.
I used to try to be like those fabulous people who post everyday, but I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that it’s never going to happen. Twice a week, perhaps 3 times if I’m lucky, is about as good as it gets for me.
Alyson (New England Living)´s last blog post..Caroline & Her Pal Barack
by Alyson (New England Living) on November 25, 2008 at 7:28 pm. #
Good for you! I spent four months trying to get more and more comments and now, even with only 30 followers, I feel overwhelmed. I have my favorites I like to consistently comment on, but I’m learning to pace myself and quit beating myself up. It’s a long road, isn’t it?
by Becky on November 25, 2008 at 7:50 pm. #
Definitely been there:)
Jen´s last blog post..Get Ready To Limerick! Yes, YOU could win a world title (just think of putting that on the resume!) For more info, read on…
by Jen on November 25, 2008 at 8:50 pm. #
When I first realized the wonder of getting comments back when I started blogging, I really started to crave them. I had a lot of posts that got NOTHING and I was reading all these blogs that it was normal for them to get 20, 30 or more comments. For a while I wished for that too.
I think I have found my happy space. I enjoy comments of course (who doesn’t) but I am happy to get five, or ten. Just to know that the bloggers I have come to call friend are there checking up on what I have to say.
I understand busy…I have cut back on commenting myself, although I do still read a lot of blogs. We all have to have priorities.
Heffalump´s last blog post..Holiday Tip or Dare # 7
by Heffalump on November 25, 2008 at 11:07 pm. #
HOORAY!! This is TOTALLY my philosophy! I think blogging should be a NO OBLIGATION thing. Really. I recently have more people following my blog than I can follow back. I’ve decided I’m not going to try. When I get a comment from someone I hear from regularly, I will pop in for a visit now and again, but mostly I will stick with the blogs I chose. Otherwise you end up reading blogs of people who chose you and that doesn’t always make for a perfectly mutual friendship. I do love all my readers, but I don’t want them to feel any obligation, and I don’t want to feel it, either.
So congratulations to you Kim! You’re terrific, and I hope this post has made a lot of people think. It doesn’t make sense to try to be all things to all people. You do a pretty good job of that, just with your posts, so no need to try and chase everyone down! Good for you! I like you now, EVEN BETTER!! :)
by LisAway on November 26, 2008 at 2:54 am. #
I started a comment yesterday, but then Elisheva in her infinite seven month old wisdom deleted it for me – so now I’m starting from scratch (not that this has anything to do with anything, but sometimes I like to give you background info like a book, so you’ll understand my true inner workings, or something like that).
I really resonated with this post. Not because I have to many readers, or too many commenters to follow their blogs (hardy har har), but because in general in my life I’ve been trying to find the balance of blogging. For one thing, I started my blog for family and friends, so I like to try and post about what our family’s up to, so they can keep in touch. But my favorite posts to write are the musing fake philisophical ones that help me as a homemaker keep emotionally/intellectually in touch with the world. Plus I’d like to be funny and poignant as well. Of course, most of the time I try and aim for a balance of these, and end up being none of them, and add that into the fact that for some reason I haven’t figured out how to write short posts (or comments), and sometimes the thought of blogging is overwhelming for me. Although I enjoy it.
Also, I used to be constantly widening my circle of readership, but I now also realized that I spend more time on the computer right now than I’d really like to…
So good for you, Kim. Even if I don’t make the cut, I think that cutting back will be great for you. For one thing, I’ve seen how stressed you’ve been this month, and it’s no wonder with all of the plates you’ve been balancing.
by Thora on November 26, 2008 at 5:48 am. #
I have to reorganize and delete blogs from my reader every so often as well. But yours is one that never goes and I don’t believe ever will. :)
by Summer on November 26, 2008 at 6:26 am. #
All these other people are so nice and adulating. I’m just scared I’m in the “it was nice to meet you once and that was plenty” category. But I’ve gotten over that in dating before, so I’ll probably be okay. :) But I do think you are wise in your choice.
by Steph @ Diapers and Divinity on November 26, 2008 at 7:27 am. #
Very well put – some days blogging seems like a lifeline, others it feels like another way to overwhelm yourself.
I was always impressed with your blogroll… you are far better than I. what about rotating some of them if you feel bad? (not that you should)
Good luck cutting back.
t
xox
by Tracy on November 26, 2008 at 7:59 am. #
I couldn’t agree with you more. I tried to keep with so many blogs to begin with but I just can’t do it. I’ve given myself permission to feel okay about it. I blog because I’m horrible at journaling and at least I’ll have something for my posterity. I read those blogs of the people I connect with and want to keep up with. It really can be that simple. You can do it. No guilt. NONE.
by Tonya on November 26, 2008 at 8:02 am. #
I read your blogs often, but for whatever reason, do not comment as often as I did. I know that occasionally you peek at mine :) and I quite like it when you do. I like that you wrote this. I have several friends online, and sometimes, it gets overwhelming, trying to keep up! And life these days have been very much so more hectic than usual.
Oh, and NaNoWriMo? Yeah. EPIC FAIL. I have determined that November is the WORST month to do this in. I have too much going on!
Have a lovely Thanksgiving!
Jenna´s last blog post..Someone Needs To Draw A Line! End This Insanity Now!
by Jenna on November 26, 2008 at 12:26 pm. #
I hope someday to find the courage to let go of the many, in honor of the few.
thank you for a great post! Have a wonderful thanksgiving.
Corey~ living and loving´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday~Let’s Talk Turkey!
by Corey~ living and loving on November 26, 2008 at 3:38 pm. #
Hon you are a star. I’ve had to read less lately due to health, but it’s the comments from my friends that I treasure and they are the ones who always come back. xoxoxoxo
by Jo Beaufoix on November 26, 2008 at 3:57 pm. #
Everyone else has already said it so well so I’ll just say, Ah, nutz!
Heidi Ashworth´s last blog post..More Confessions Of A Nutty Novelist
by Heidi Ashworth on November 26, 2008 at 5:02 pm. #
This actually struck me quite early on. I can only keep track of a very select few. Sometimes I can only read and comment on a handful a day. And often not even that. But I treasure my friends. The real ones even though we met in cyberworld. Because if we’ve connected, they’re real. You’re real. I adore you. Thanks for this great post…and all the others you’ve proffered up since my very first day in the blogosphere. xo
by charrette on November 27, 2008 at 7:32 am. #
For the last few months, I will really been struggling with this same issue. Finally I just had to stop spending so much time on the computer, and that is why I wrote this line:
“I am grateful that I haven’t been spending as much time on the computer so I can spend more time living my life and cultivating the relationships in it.”
But, you my friend, will always be on my radar :) !!
by An Ordinary Mom on November 28, 2008 at 2:43 pm. #
will = have …. don’t type and take care of babies at the same time :) !!
by An Ordinary Mom on November 28, 2008 at 2:43 pm. #
I’m glad you figured it out. And you are still universally adored in the mean-time. How do you do that?!
by Eowyn on November 29, 2008 at 7:22 am. #
I’ve been wondering recently if it’s time to pare down my blog list so that I can have quality and not quantity. And by quality I mean finding the time to really read a few instead of skim through the masses of blogs that are on my list. It overwhelms me and then I read none. You really are brilliant.
by Erin on November 29, 2008 at 5:04 pm. #
I’ve always loved your honesty Kim. I love this post. Just last night I was thinking along the same lines. I love to blog and I love to visit blogs, but I have other obligations that get neglected when I am on the computer too much. If I spent as much time with my friends in real life that I do with my cyber friends…well, when I thought about it that way I realized how unbalanced it really can become!
Last night I decided that I needed to pare down and organize my bloglines, so I made up folders for Monday-Friday and divided up my pared down list between them. Now I can enjoy my blogging time rather than feeling overwhelmed by what I have to keep up with.
So guess what day you are on?!?
Have a great week!
Mindy´s last blog post..It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!
by Mindy on December 4, 2008 at 8:51 am. #