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Sproing!
Posted by KymYou know that saying, about how sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better? Hitting ole rock bottom before you can sproing back up? It’s been that sort of day around here. It started with what will soon be labelled The Great Pants Incident of 2008 (pants as in slacks, not underpants, you barmy Brits).
I am, it must be said, somewhat lacking in the pants department. I chucked all my too big ones, have stacked my too small ones neatly in the closet, and I wander about in one or two pair that “will do” until I lose weight or get pregnant. Problem is, it’s been a rough couple of months and I’ve treated myself accordingly (read roughly). So my one or two pair are just the weest bit tight.
Last night, I told Neil quite frankly at the dinner table that I’ve gained nearly ten pounds in the past few months. I didn’t whinge and whine about it (minor miracle, that), but I did tell him I was feeling a bit miserable over it.
Half an hour later he mentioned that my pants were a wee bit too tight. I took it well. Laughed at his audacity saying most husbands would be lucky to get off with only minor scrapes and bruises after a comment like that. I told him I was so glad to know I wasn’t the only one in our marriage who could do with wising up a bit…and I let it go.
Till he repeated the comment. In more detail. The very next day. To the point of telling me that they looked quite unflattering and didn’t I have another pair I could wear. I replied, through severely gritted teeth that no, I did not. But soon would because I was going to take his credit card shopping and spend a fortune on new clothes just to spite him. I then pointed out that a wife looking not her best was better than a wife spitting mad at him and feeling even crummier about herself than usual.
He remains unrepentant and says it needed to be said.
I am now pondering burning said pants and dumping the ashes on his head. Just to show I haven’t entirely lost my sense of humour.
What worries me though is that I’m so upset and angry over it all, so poised on the brink of outright melancholy over my grossness, that I can’t bear to eat anything remotely bad for me. And I worry that Neil’s absoutely unacceptable level of bluntness despite my vulnerable state is going to be rewarded with a slimmer version of me who will laugh some day and say wasn’t it great he was such a jerk that day of The Great Pants Incident of 2008?
And I want that to happen and don’t want it to happen, and both rather intensely. I am feeling angry and vindictive which really? Are not good colours on me. I want him to suffer. I want him to feel very, very badly. Instead he’s doing his trademark shrug and saying things are what they are and all that nonsense. Worst of it is that he’s right. I looked awful in those pants. It’s nice that I didn’t go out of the house this morning in awful looking pants.
But I feel awful and the only way I know how not to is to smarten myself up and treat myself right (why oh why is that so hard?).
And of course, go shopping at that nice little boutique in town tomorrow…
There’s no point in hitting rock bottom if you don’t have a little fun on the way back up.
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Oh, I’m sorry! Husbands!!!
When I was pregnant with Aaron, for some inexplicable reason I got very thin (and was never sick). After he was born I stopped looking pregnant right away. Then I started gaining weight, but didn’t really think about it. The first and only time my husband has ever said anything was when we were visiting some bird farm and he and I were sitting together on some bench swing (romantic). I got up and went to push one of the kids on their swing and when I came back Greg said, “Your bum is looking very big.” I was shocked and, like you I teased him about his meanness and laughed it off. But that sort of hurt!!
Then the next month he went to SLC to do some translation for the church for three weeks, leaving me at home. I decided to eat half what I usually did and lots of veggies and water. (plus a little brownie every night. Come on, I’m still Lisa) I lost about 6 pounds in the first two weeks (the last I stayed the same) So he came home to a thinner version of me, which, of course I had to mention to him now and again. . . I really showed him, didn’t I!?!
Now I’m feeling like talking to him about HIS weight! (he probably has 30+ pounds to lose, as opposed to the 15 that made my bum so huge. Do I get revenge or remember how it feels and keep quiet? :)
Ooooh, boy. I’m going to stay out of this other than to say, swipe that card until smoke comes off of it tomorrow.
Melanie J´s last blog post..Hi-yah! Chop, chop!
Yeah that would make me very mad. I think husbands comments hurt the worst as they are the ones who are supposed to think you are incredibly attractive and irrisistable at all times. Of course then we say we want to know what they really think not just them saying we’re beautiful ‘cuz they have too. Hope the pants will rest in peace atop Neil’s head. ;)
Kiera´s last blog post..Decisions
These are hard issues. I don’t think the time to put the other person right is when I’m sore and hurt by what they’ve said. At that time, I’ll just hurt back, create a spiral, damage respect. It’s important they know they’ve hurt me, and it’s good to be clear (”It really hurts my feelings when you talk like that. You’ll need to be more supportive when you need to tell me something”).
Also, there’s the issue of money and of keeping trim. I’m quite upset that I went and bought new trousers in a larger size because most of mine won’t fit, and the new ones won’t fit either, because I’m even fatter than that. Getting motivated to get trim is hard work and needs reinforcing support; there needs to be some reward offered by the other person to help me do that. I do remember how good I feel when I’ve just been to the gym.
Of course it’s hard to act right when someone has just cut you down. He should support you. Regardless of that, you should build up your own comfort level by buying some pretty clothes which fit easily and spoiling yourself a little, to build the self-happiness which allows your real self to come through. My counsellor made me go and get a massage, or selfishly go walking in the hills, to make time and happiness for myself. Then, once relaxed, I could pass on the good to my family.
LisAway , assuming you can emotionally afford to take the moral high ground (Go for it!) then neither get back at him in revenge nor keep quiet; support him in trying to lose weight, explaining what you’re doing a little, and make a salad for you both.
(This is all easy for me to say. I apologise if I’m assuming too much!)
Lemongrass´s last blog post..Visiting Korea
If my husband said anything like that to me (in that way) I would not be responsible for my actions.
Razzler´s last blog post..Cat Searching
Oh I am so sorry, but I am right there with you! I started to try and lose some of the baby weight a couple of weeks ago and instead I have gained SEVEN. If hubs made a comment… well, just trust me, he knows better.
erin {tvp}´s last blog post..first photo shoot…
I don’t even know what to say. I am with Razzler. I would not be responsible for my actions. I would probably find something about him to point out that I think he should change just to make him shut his mouth. I’m kind of vindictive like that.
Brooke´s last blog post..Blogging
Men just don’t truly don’t realize how it sounds to us. If you told him his pants were too tight, he’d look down and then say “You know, you’re right.” They miss the whole emotional issue that our bodies are for us. I started gaining weight about four years ago. Not a lot, but enough that it was bothering me and I was growing out of my clothes. I made a comment to my husband and he said “You ought to join weight watchers”. Hello, I had gained 7 pounds! I was very very upset, and so I told a friend of mine, who is very logical about things and she kinda screwed up her face and said “Ya know, that wouldn’t upset me. I’d be glad he was honest with me. He’s my husband and if he can’t tell me the truth, then we have a problem. I’d be glad he knew I was emotionally strong enough to to take the comment and know I was still loved.” That pretty much knocked the wind out of my sails. And ya know, I did join weight watchers (but I made him join with me) and I did lose those 7 pounds and learned a lot in the process.
I’ve since gained those 7 pounds back along with a couple of their annoying friends, but still . . .
Josi´s last blog post..Josi’s Favorites
Your husband is a brave brave man. Men just really don’t get it. Things are just so matter of a fact to them. Honesty is one thing but Oy the delivery.
I disagree that men wouldn’t flip out if it’s framed in way that would hurt their ego in the same way it hurts ours as women. For example, if a wife were to tell her husband that man, his extra weight is a *turn-off*–I think he’d have a seriously bruised ego. (And it certainly wouldn’t help to just shrug and say, “It is what it is, dude. Sorry.” Frame it like that, and maybe he’ll get how painful it is? I don’t know.
Annette´s last blog post..Boring Skin Pallettes
You know, if you starting criticising the size of certain part of his body, I bet he might get an inkling of how he made you feel. ;)
Razzler´s last blog post..Introspecty Goodness
Oh no! Retail therapy is definitely in order.
It’s a hard call, because if something really does look pretty bad - I want someone to tell me.
But my husband is off the hook, because he has teenagers to do his dirty work.
JustRandi´s last blog post..The Anti- NaBloPoMo
Wow. I know it’s not the Christian thing to be really mad at Neil right now, but…really! I could feel the anger rising!
I do get what Josi says, and she’s right. Men just take it at face value, it is what it is. It still doesn’t mean he has a free ride to be insensitive.
Many people from other countries are that way too. James went to the Dominican Republic, and they were blunt like that. They would describe someone as the “fat one with the balding head” and not mean it in any derogatory way. A lady I knew who was from Europe whom I hadn’t seen since before I got married came up to me at a women’s conference after I had Professor. She remarked that I had put on weight. I had, a lot. I was really upset about that incident until James told me about his experiences in the DR. I then realized that she wasn’t trying to insult me, just making an observation. It still stung, though.
Go out and get yourself some clothes. If you wait until you lose weight you feel like you’re punishing yourself, which doesn’t help with the weight loss. I’ve done that over and over again. I’m in the same place with you as far as pants go. Got rid of some big ones, and have about 3 pair that I can wear. None of them are really flattering.
Go on a shopping spree and take pictures of everything you get!
Rebecca´s last blog post..Musical Me
My whole life has been one big fat Roller Coaster. And with my height at only 5′2″ every pound makes a big difference. My husband is always kind, and he has me completely figured out. He says that my happiness depends on the size of my pants. Right now, I am not very happy.
One thing that I have learned over the years is. . .Don’t throw out the fat pants. On the few occasions I have lost enough weight to actually improve my happiness, I have vowed never to gain weight again. But, alas, once the complete focus and dedication to losing weight is lifted, the weight always sneaks back.
Amelia´s last blog post..Halloween is Over
I hate that time of waiting. I bought bigger pants when I started Prednisone last year - sad even now because I have at least a dozen pairs of super cute pants still waiting for me - at a resale store.
Now it wasn’t a glamorous trip to a boutique, but I hated feeling like I was wasting money and I don’t like shopping either.
New, better fitting clothes are more flattering and you will feel better.
Just ignore the dumb number - no one else knows - and enjoy yourself.
(I just bought a buy of cords that I love in a size I wish was smaller. But they are so comfy and I feel tons better about myself in them.)
Lisa Milton´s last blog post..moving forward and sitting still
i’m having pants issues too. the only ones that fit are my maternity jeans, but i refuse to go out and buy a pair of pants that are going to be too big a month later.
Memarie Lane´s last blog post..The Frugal Mindset
I’m torn between wanting to pummel your husband and wanting to cheer you on in your weight-loss revenge strategy.
Whenever we run into someone we haven’t seen in a while, and that person has gained some weight, my husband always, always, always mentions to me later that that person was looking worse for the wear. I honestly don’t think he understands that he may as well paint a huge sign in our living room that says “Hey, wife. Don’t gain weight.”
Becky´s last blog post..Blog hopping
You have to laugh, or get made…or even….one time my ex husband made me so furious with him. I took the credit card and spent a couple hundred dollars. I was so young back then. I spent a couple hundred dollars at Victoria Secrets…he enjoyed my evil revenge!
Kelline Boel´s last blog post..Sinuses and Sabrina
I’m having a hard time not being mad at Neil. Let me know when you forgive him, so I can, too.
Novembrance´s last blog post..42
Oh, it helps to know I’m not the only one with a husband who forgets honesty is not always helpful! I often think, we’ve been married __years and you still don’t know ___ about me?
Go for it and find solace in shopping. Sometimes the girlfriends are much better support than the hubbies.
pam at beyondjustmom´s last blog post..be a peace keeper
Ok, what he needs to understand is that sometimes being “honest” isn’t what a woman needs. Sometimes, things can be stated a little more nicely. That he can apologize for hurting your feelings, but thought you wanted his honest opinion.
Men don’t realize the amount of times women hold their tongues. Does he really, REALLY want to know if that was a great orgasm? Does he really, REALLY want to know if his thinning hair bothers you or not? Does he really, REALLY want the honesty “truth” every time?
I guess I should be vicariously mad at your hubby, too, but I just thought this was so well written and hysterical that I stumbled it. I hope it worked out right–I’m new to the whole thing. Maybe I’ll try it again just in case . .
Heidi Ashworth´s last blog post..Where Have All The Bloggers Gone?
I know this is easy to say when I’m all the way down here and you’re there feeling the way you do about, well YOU. But I better just say it because it’s been bothering me that I haven’t said it.
Several posts ago you posted a picture of you now and said how much you dislike the way you look. I sat there and looked at the picture over and over. Finished reading your entry then scrolled back up and looked at the picture again. You, hon, are not fat. I think you look lovely and frankly? I don’t care what size a girl is, if she can put on a pretty outift (even if it’s slacks and a nice top) and hold her head high, that REALLY is all that matters. Try not to think of yourself as ‘fat’ or ‘bigger than you used to be’. Take a deep breath, have a step back and look at the big picture (no pun intended). Does it matter what your size is, really? Does it make you a better person? Right now it might feel like you don’t deserve to be happy but throw in the towel and JUST let yourself BE HAPPY.
Husbands can be *insert nasty word of choice*. Go on that shopping spree and buy clothes that are flattering to your body shape and that flatter your curves! No matter your size it’s ok to like what you see. Eat the cookies, go for a walk with the girls. Eat that slice of cake, go for a ride on your bike. It’s not about the exercising when you NEED to be happy…just let yourself live and breath and be OK.
I know that I don’t know you and I hope you aren’t rolling your eyes at me right now…but I’d like to think that if we were friends in real life I’d be able to say these things to you and you’d nod your head and say ‘you know, you’re right!’
Take care of you!
Shanna´s last blog post..In a Nutshell of the Acorn Variety
We want our husbands to be honest, but in a kind and loving way. It kind of sounds like he forgot the “kind and loving” part. Go buy another pair of pants that you will look good and feel good in, and don’t feel guilty about it! You are doing the best you can with the circumstances going on in your life right now.
Erin´s last blog post..The Bed Dilemma
You know what gets men? Their hair. I have a friend from highschool who works with Billy now, and Billy told me that he is going bald, and has even admitted to sleeping with his hat on. Really?
Now that Billy’s hair is thinning (not to the point of the cul de sac he so boldly sported on Halloween) but it’s definitely thinner… Anyway, he’s super sensitive about it. One day I happened to notice and in surprise, I blurted out: “Holy cow! I can see your scalp.”
He was immediately hurt, and I was confused.
So I can see both sides of the story.
Also.
I hope you bought yourself a right nice outfit.
Sometimes it’s hard having people around who love us enough to be brutally honest. But only momentarily. :)
Summer´s last blog post..The Saddest Day of the Year…
:/ ::hugs::
Jaina´s last blog post..Holiday Navigation
Yes, sometimes things need to be said but there is a lot to be said for the delivery. Yowsa. I think I woulda smacked him about a little.
And I’m not sure if this is the popular thing to say but sometimes it is exactly those insensitive comments that are needed to get us moving. That little bit of hurt/annoyance/anger is very motivating. It’s exactly those comments that get you started, but loving yourself will keep you going. ((hugs))
Deconstructing Jen´s last blog post..TTIC, part 2
ouch. my husband is the completely-honest-what-did-i-say-wrong? kind of guy, too. and if i told him that his pants were too tight, he’d just take them off. i would burst into tears if he said it to me.
go get yourself some pants. but not out of spite. because you deserve to look better, no matter what your size. and you’ll feel better, too.
michal´s last blog post..All He Wants for Christmas . . .
It’s a good thing I have met Neil in person so I know that I like him :) !!
You handled this delicate situation really well!
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