Spoiled
by Kym on December 17, 2008
Our first fight was over chicken breasts. I giggle a bit now, thinking back on that. It wasn’t exactly huge, really, though it felt so at the time. We’d just never fought before. Not in the four months we’d dated or in the four months we were engaged. Not when I bumped the rear end of that car when he was teaching me to parallel park. Not the night he decided to tell me about every romantic entanglement he’d ever had in the whole entirety of his life (the five hour phone call – wow). Not when I told him about my own (the ten minutes that that took).
I was young for my age and soft spoken by nature. Neil was firm, self-assured, commanding. A good mix, it seemed, until he began rubbing off on me. The more time we spent together the more I realized that he was the happier one. I was constantly wracked by self-doubt, fear, and worry. Neil just…lived. At first I was in awe of him, then I envied him, then I began to emulate him. Life’s not quite as simple as it was that first year, when our personalities meshed so well. Balanced each other out, as it were. But complicated though it is. Struggle though it is. I’m happier for it.
Anyway, back to the chicken.
We’d been out shopping. Neil wanted me to expand my culinary repetoire outside the realm of baked chicken, soggy pasta, and grilled cheese sandwiches, and we were shopping accordingly. I grabbed some chicken breasts and put them in our basket. He wandered over, dumped a container of chicken thighs into the basket, and wordlessly picked up the chicken breasts and returned them.
I protested. In the whole course of our relationship, I think it was the first time I ever did. I can still remember his arched brows. The quizzical smile on his face. I explained I didn’t know how to cook with chicken thighs. He replied that they were a fifth the price and I just had to skin and debone them. I protested (again with the protesting!) that I didn’t know how to. He smiled at me indulgently and shooed me along in front of him and said, “You are so spoiled.”
Now the thing is, I knew he was right. I knew it then, I know it now, but I became so angry over it. And the anger frightened me. I’d never been mad at him before.
I laugh over it now. The people we were seem like strangers from this distance.
What brought that long ago fight to mind today was the fact that we have no hot water. And the gas fireplace has decided to crackle away in mighty fashion despite being turned off. The water is freezing. The living room is sweltering. And I found myself feeling annoyed. Peevish.
Till I flushed the toilet. And it hit me (a thought, not the toilet). I really am spoiled. Indoor plumbing. Dishwasher, washing machine, dryer. Microwave, oven, fridge. A spacious home overlooking a valley. Two vehicles. An abudance of food.
I really am spoiled.
So very, very many people in this world are not.
Neil couldn’t have known how his words and the meaning underlying them would stick with me over the years. But I’m glad that I can hear his comment echoing in my mind at times. I’m glad for that reminder. At best, it will encourage me to give. At the very least, it will help me to be grateful.
23 comments
I remember just before we were married Greg realized that he had a whole in the pocket of his jacket. He said to me, “When we’re married you can sew it for me.” I was shocked and angry and worried that he would expect me to start sewing all our clothing and be super-wife. It was bad.
I have never felt that way again, ever. He does almost all his own ironing and if anything of ours needs sewing up, he’s usually the one to do that, too. He’s much better at it than I am. How silly that I was so worried after that one little comment!
And I only ever use boneless skinless chicken breast. I know it makes me a wimpy cook. Oh well!
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by LisAway on December 17, 2008 at 1:05 am. #
Ahhh. Because I have been given much….
Thanks for the reminder.
(Maybe you could set a pan of water in your living room to get some hot water for your dishes!)
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by JustRandi on December 17, 2008 at 5:08 am. #
I love the line “The people we were seem like strangers from this distance” that sums it up so well. I look back at those two kids we were and wonder how we ever got from there to here, but boy am I glad we did.
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by Josi on December 17, 2008 at 6:35 am. #
I know this is not your point at all, but :
(a) If Brad expects something to be skinned and deboned because he wants a different part of the chicken he can damn well do the work himself.
(b) Chicken breasts are cheaper, if you buy them when they’re on sale. I buy them in bulk every two or three months for $1.59 a pound at Albertson’s or Smith’s (Kroger’s).
(c) Thighs do not replace breasts in a recipe. they have a different flavor and consistency. Breasts take on the flavor of the dish, thighs stubbornly retain their own flavor.
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by Memarie Lane on December 17, 2008 at 8:47 am. #
I must be spoiled because I rarely cook anything other than chicken breasts, when dealing with chicken. I hate the other parts of the bird. Plus, chicken breasts are so much more versatile than the other parts of the chicken, you can slice, dice, sautee, bake, fry, grind, although that last part scares me. AND you don’t have to debone nothing!
I get your point though.
We were watching a show on TV I can’t remember what it’s called but they all live in the 1800′s only they’re real people like us… yeah, I SO could NOT do that! Nope. Over here, I’m spoiled.
by Abra on December 17, 2008 at 9:12 am. #
Thighs are NOT breasts. Ask any man.
MomBabe´s last blog post..My very name suggests offense
by MomBabe on December 17, 2008 at 9:13 am. #
I have never used anything except chicken breasts. I don’t even eat legs or anything – I refuse to touch bones. Yes, I’m spoiled too.
P.S. Our first fight/argument was over pens. It got pretty heated.
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by Erin on December 17, 2008 at 10:20 am. #
I’m spoiled…with a capital “S!” Thanks for the reminder that we have so much and that we have so much to give.
Erin´s last blog post..The Concert W*hore Strikes Again
by Erin on December 17, 2008 at 11:22 am. #
Well I refuse to buy and debone whole chicken breasts and wings just because I worked in a deli for a few years and had to do that to chicken all the time. I refuse to work with raw chicken whenever possible now.
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by Summer on December 17, 2008 at 11:49 am. #
you are hereby presented with your 752nd perfect post award. engrossing humor, superb use of detail, and that lovely punch of truth at the end. good on ya.
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by nic on December 17, 2008 at 12:03 pm. #
Lately, it’s been the toilet for me, too–the reminder. For quite a while it was water. I so loved it! Every time I turned on a faucet, I was in awe of this wonderful gift, not just indoor plumbing which is wonderful in and of itself, but the plain old water. What a treasure! It makes so much possible. I have no idea what triggers these moments of appreciation for things we so take for granted but it makes me feel very blessed. BTW, I don’t think you were spoiled b/c you wanted to cook chicken breasts for two people instead of thighs cuz if you were than I am really really spoiled for serving my family rotisserie chicken–no cooking of chicken here in this house. I remember visiting my newly married sister and going shopping with them and watching them have an arguement over peanut butter–the name brand was ten cents more than the other (clearly, this was in the stone age). It upset me so much that I gave my bro in law a dime and told him to bite it (not really–but I wanted to). We all come into a marriage with a different money culture, even if it is just a slight one–and border skirmishes (or the battle for territory) are bound to happen. It makes me so glad that The Spouse and I are pretty much done with all of that and even happier that I won most of them (I’m so evil!)
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by Heidi Ashworth on December 17, 2008 at 2:01 pm. #
Great post. It’s true that we all so very spoiled. We have such an abundance. We are so very blessed. I still wouldn’t know what to do with a chichen thigh..lol
by Tonya on December 17, 2008 at 2:04 pm. #
“Till I flushed the toilet. And it hit me (a thought, not the toilet).” That kind of humor is exactly my favorite! Makes me chuckle every time.
This is a great post! I’m still pulling for you to get hot water back soon, though.
And my solution to chicken problems? I don’t have one. I don’t have chicken problems. Although it took me a while to get used to James’ peculiar tastes when we were first married. No creamy stuff like mayonnaise, (potato salad has to be almost dry), no cream cheese, sour cream, no unmelted cheese except swiss and melted cheese can’t be “raw” (has to be nearly toasted). No unmelted butter, no cilantro or liquid smoke. No mushrooms. No cooked nuts except almonds. I know there are others, I just can’t think of them! Oh yeah, there’s a certain ‘taste’ he can’t handle, I think it’s some kind of hydrolyzed protein that they use in some barbecue-flavored things. Like liquid smoke.
When I tell him he’s picky he tells me “Yep. What does that say for me choosing you?”
What can I say after that?
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by Rebecca on December 17, 2008 at 2:23 pm. #
I love this post, especially the part about your 5 hour phone call (maybe because I can totally relate and laugh about it). And I’m one of the worst cooks in the world, but darn budgeting prevents me from ever eating out, nevertheless, I DO use all the cheap parts of the chicken (but I usually cook them and shred them as “minor” ingredients in some funky dish I probably totally made up). I say spoiled is not even knowing how to cook at all, but I get your whole point, and wholeheartedly agree.
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by Steph @ Diapers and Divinity on December 17, 2008 at 4:52 pm. #
It’s good to have perspective, no?
But I *do* hope you have hot water very soon.
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by Novembrance on December 17, 2008 at 7:25 pm. #
All it takes is one power outage for me to begin fervently counting my blessings. It annoys me that it’s so hard for me to remember how blessed I really am.
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by Melanie J on December 17, 2008 at 7:39 pm. #
Oh, ditto, ditto, ditto! (only our first fight was over my grand piano vs. his mother’s — he should have known not to go there!) I got the “You are spoiled” line from Jeff at the very beginning of our marriage and it haunts me like that too.
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by charrette on December 17, 2008 at 8:23 pm. #
p.s. you changed your look again! i’m still too terrified to even TRY…
charrette´s last blog post..Twelve Gifts: #6 ROOM in the INN (Entertaining Angels)
by charrette on December 17, 2008 at 8:24 pm. #
Our first fight was over gravy…whether the way I made it (which is how my mother made it) was right or not since it wasn’t the way HIS mother made it.
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by Heffalump on December 17, 2008 at 9:27 pm. #
You are so amazing. I just love your perspective. Thank you for this eloquent reminder. We really are spoiled, I think about it often. We have so much no matter which kind of chicken we prefer :)
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by Heather of the EO on December 18, 2008 at 5:28 am. #
Sighhhhh. I love that you make me think hon. And I love that stuff like that sticks with us cos I think it means we’re ok.
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by Jo Beaufoix on December 18, 2008 at 7:14 am. #
Fabulous post darling!
Breasts are good, but you have to have thighs and drums for chicken noodle soup. It’s just not the same without.
Loved MomBabe’s comment!
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by Eowyn on December 18, 2008 at 9:51 am. #
I prefer the term “well-loved”. That’s what the bf says. And hey, you’re a few steps ahead of me..I won’t even touch raw meat. It freaks me out.
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by Jaina on December 19, 2008 at 11:09 am. #