My Kids are Freaks
by Kym on December 12, 2008
But, you know, in a good way. In the proud mummy grinning from ear to ear because her little darlings have it so much more together than everybody else’s. Some people become parents for the love and all that good stuff. I did it for the bragging rights.
Anyway, this is a pretty common dinnertime conversation at Casa de VanderHorst…
Neil: Emma, please eat some of your noodles. You’ve had enough cucumber.
Emma: [in her I'm-cute-and-therefore-you-ought-to-adore-me voice] But my don’t like noodles!
Me: Good grief (because I dig bald guys, Charlie Brown included apparently), Emma, if all you eat is vegetables you’re going to have enough gas to rocket yourself to the moon.
Emma: [giggling and making fake farting sounds and saying in a sing-songy voice] My going to go to the moooooon, ’cause my’s got a tooty buuuummmm!
Neil: Nice one, Kim. That really helps with the getting her to eat her noodles issue.
Me: [giggling right along with Emma, being mature and all that]
Becca: [randomly shouting] Noodles! Noodles! [while munching on a carrot stick]
What’d I tell you? Total freaks. All my life I’ve heard parents whining about getting their kids to eat their vegetables and what a chore it is. Heck, you should’ve heard my parents whine about it. Granted they had cause because my siblings and I treated the vegetables served to us like they’d been dipped in radioactive waste or something. I had a good laugh a few months ago when my mom gave me the book Deceptively Delicious for my birthday. Like I need help sneaking veggies into their food. Maybe I’ll use it the opposite way it’s intended and say things like, “Look! These pancakes have got carrots in them! You love carrots! Ooo…and look…sweet potatoes…that happen to be in a muffin…mmm…sweet potatoes!”
Yeah, I’ll give the book a try mum, but no promises.
That’s the problem with being smart enough not to complain that you can’t get your kids to eat anything other than fruit and vegetables. People? Don’t have a clue. We used to entertain a lot before we had kids but we don’t dare now. There’d be a lynch mob outside our door full of angry, envious parents hucking half rotten produce at our house if we did. And I’ll peek out the window of course and yell “Neener neener neener!” at them.
Right, apparently my house is somewhere I need to get out of. Too much time living in the headspace of my two and four year old little girls. Ow. I think I just felt myself de-evolve a little bit. Ow. Higher brain processes rapidly deteriorating…
So, back to the my kids being freaks thing. You see, they’re all about the fruit&veg. Me? Not so much. You can talk about nature vs. nurture all you like but that fact is that my kids make no sense. They were born liking foods I detest (Emma adores pickles – seriously, I considered blood tests after that), and refuse to eat what I love.
The alien body snatcher theory that Neil has suggested is not without merit…
I am all about the sweet stuff. Fruit and veggies while okay, don’t really do it for me. I’m working at it in a one at a time sort of way. I manage an apple every day or so, baby carrots, a little steamed broccoli. Still, they don’t figure hugely into my day. And as for the more exotic ones? Asparagus and squash and eggplant and other veggies that smell like something that died…a long time ago.
Blech.
I’m getting the water drinking thing down. A gallon a day. So there. Got that pegged. I figure eating my vegetables is one of the next possible steps but I find myself making the same I-just-bit-into-a-grapefruit-and-I’m-trying-not-to-spew face I made when I was a kid.
Sugesstions? I am so without ideas here.
Err…wait…maybe I should use the recipes in that cookbook on me instead of the kids…
26 comments
My kids used to be almost as bad (good) as yours. Then we had Aaron, who refuses to eat any fruit or vegetable (except the recently discovered apple-hooray!) unless its well cooked into something. *sigh*
by LisAway on December 12, 2008 at 1:39 am. #
Oooh I would love to know how that book is! I’ve thought about it for my husband, who thinks that grown-ups should not be required to ever eat a veggie again.
AFter all, he’s trying NOT to grow.
by JustRandi on December 12, 2008 at 5:16 am. #
LOL
That’s all I can say.
by Eowyn on December 12, 2008 at 6:06 am. #
My kids love vegetables. Malachi’s favorites, I’ve listed before. The other two love them too.
So Neener Neener Neener…
I’ve never said that before in my life.
by Abra on December 12, 2008 at 6:33 am. #
Way to go on the water. I know it’s made a huge difference for me.
I’m jealous that your kids love veggies so much. Sometimes I think my kid could live on mac and cheese and quesdillas his whole life..lol
by Tonya on December 12, 2008 at 6:41 am. #
I’d be one of those parents throwing rotten veggies at your door. One of my girls went on such a food strike that her growth curve dropped off dramatically. It was a scary, frustrating, and hideous experience. She still hates veggies, but she’ll eat them when I insist . . . loudly. We’ve been at this battle since she was 2–that’s nine and a half years. It’s getting old.
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by Annette on December 12, 2008 at 6:51 am. #
You already mentioned the very idea I thought of as I read this: buy that Jessica Seinfeld cookbook and hide the veggies in food you like :-)
by Helen on December 12, 2008 at 7:02 am. #
The key to veggies is butter, lots and lots of butter and, yes, I realize that somewhat defeats the purpose of eating veggies in the first place, but it solves one problem of consumption. My kids like veggies okay, my problem is I didn’t eat many as a kid and when we did it was mostly canned. Therefore, as a big grown up girl now I find cooking and preparing fresh vegetables rather tedious–my mind is convinced that any veggie that takes more than 2 minutes to prepare and get to the table is a hideous waste of my time.
by Josi on December 12, 2008 at 7:05 am. #
I love veggies. But I still struggle sometimes with getting enough veggies and fruits in our diet. What I do is we always have a half grapefruit with breakfast (sometimes a banana instead), and then with Lunch and Dinner, I’ll often cut up vegetables before hand and leave them out on the table, so we’ll all snack on those (minus any dressing, so they’re actually healthy) while we’re finishing everything up. Plus I kind of have a competition with Avram over who’s “healthier”, so I sometimes have to make sure I have veggies with dinner to make the point that I’m actually healthier. I also for afternoon snack will have fruit and some kind of protein (to keep me full), like sliced apples with peanut butter.
My mom growing up had a rule that we had to have two forms of veggies at every dinner (us kids each had one meal a week we had to cook), one that was cooked (steamed, usually) and one raw.
Then when I get sweet cravings at night, I’ll eat an orange. Anyway, that’s how I try and include veg &fruit in my life. Sometimes it’s more successful than others. I find lunches are my hardest times, since Avram isn’t home to force veggies on, so I forget to force them on myself. They really do help with weight loss, since they add so much volume to a diet (although I’m sure you know that already). One problem with sneaking vegetables in is that it neither gives you the volume of veggies you need, nor does it help you learn to actually like the veggies.
Mmm, I’m so sanctimonious sometimes. Sorry.
by Thora on December 12, 2008 at 7:52 am. #
AWESOME post! I was laughing all the way through it.
Professor is like your girls, could live on veggies. Lion only likes a few, but Princess will eat most of them.
At least your kids will be the healthiest on the planet. The only potential problem is getting enough calories. If they like potatoes and dipping apples in peanut butter, then it’s all good. Great, in fact!
Cucumbers and carrots are indeed better for you than noodles, anyway.
Mmmm…noodles. Oriental ramen noodles… Great. Cravings I can’t satisfy.
by Rebecca on December 12, 2008 at 8:12 am. #
My girl is a fruit and veggie girl. There are a few she doesn’t like, but for the most part, she’ll chow down on just about anything. Let’s not talk about my son who lives on chicken nuggest, cold cereal and tortillas.
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by Melissa on December 12, 2008 at 8:28 am. #
I don’t know what to tell ya. I’m not a big veggie fan, either. Whenever I get into a give-me-something-to-eat-to-dull-the-pain-of-life funk, I try to grab carrots instead of cookies. Not quite as satisfying, but it gives my mouth something to do besides nag my children.
by Becky on December 12, 2008 at 9:21 am. #
I have the same kind of freaky kids over here, but I’ll never complain! We’re lucky!
by Jenna on December 12, 2008 at 11:18 am. #
Mmmm, grapefruit.
My kids like the fruit & veg. Not that it matters, since one of our favorite sayings is “you don’t have to like it, you just have to eat it.”
by Novembrance on December 12, 2008 at 11:39 am. #
my kidlets love veggies too! Maybe it skips a generation? I wasn’t a big fan of the green stuff when I was little either.
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by Shanna on December 12, 2008 at 11:50 am. #
I like smoothies…it’s a good way to get your fruit anyway.
Veggies, I am not so good at. Things like a nice Minestrone soup with lots of veggies is good. We have broccoli with cheese sauce sometimes.
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by Heffalump on December 12, 2008 at 8:58 pm. #
The veggie loving gene totally skipped me, which sucks. I have a three year old nephew who, when given a choice between chocolate and a bell peppger, will take the bell pepper. Because he likes it. I still have a very narrow scope of veggies I’ll eat. And I hate broccoli.
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by Melanie J on December 12, 2008 at 9:05 pm. #
My kids are just like yours. I’ll hide behind the door with you. :-)
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by VirtualSprite on December 12, 2008 at 9:49 pm. #
Are you asking for help to get your kids to eat sweet stuff, or you to eat veggies?
Kids: There is no cure. They are freaks.
You: Read the book, baby! Carrot muffins and zucchini pancakes and orange cookies and dips, dips, dips …
by That Girl in Brazil on December 12, 2008 at 9:56 pm. #
Hilarious post! I love it when you write like this.
I love all fruits and veggies (with the possible exception of brussels sprouts) but, alas, not nearly as much as I love breads and puddings and chocolates and cookies and brownies and every single other carbohydrate ever invented!
I think you’d be doing your girls an enormous favor by never insisting that they eat a single noodle and foster their love of the cancer-fighters (not to mention the weight-control habits they’re gaining.) If only someone had done that for me….
by charrette on December 13, 2008 at 12:29 am. #
my kids love fruits and veggies. I love them too but i love twinkies more . . . I might need your moms book too.
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by julie wright on December 13, 2008 at 5:22 pm. #
My daughter loves tomatoes. But for the rest? The boys are strictly canned green beans.
I think I hate you just a little.
by Dapoppins on December 14, 2008 at 9:50 am. #
My kids are the same way – well Evey is. Ben just won’t eat. The other day Evey wolfed down her broccoli and then begged not to have to eat her chicken. My friends don’t like me much because of that either. ;)
by Deconstructing Jen on December 14, 2008 at 3:47 pm. #
I think you ought to consider DNA therapy–as in, get some of theirs into some of yours. That might help. I hated detested and despised vegetables for most of my life. However, your tastebuds change every 7 years or so meaning my tongue has had plenty of opportunity to grow accustomed to the taste of green things. And now I really like them! Love them, even! Today’s fresh veggies are a far cry from yesterday’s canned stuff. Last but not least, I find that whatever you put in your body when you are famished is what your body soon will crave. So, if you don’t like it now, you soon can just by that being the first thing you eat when you come in the door on Fast Sundays.
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by Heidi Ashworth on December 15, 2008 at 3:47 pm. #
Our kids are so similar. E and M love fruit and veg. I like the veg but not so much the fruit. Sighhhh.
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by Jo Beaufoix on December 15, 2008 at 4:34 pm. #
That’s awesome that they love those things…good for them. It will keep them healthier in the long run. Good habits to have early in life. I just need to not be lazy and prep the healthy foods.
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by Jaina on December 19, 2008 at 11:03 am. #