The Spotlight versus The Write Light
by Kym on January 31, 2009
Awhile back, I decided I wanted to be blog famous. I’m not entirely sure if it was greed on my part, or if it was an overcompensating for having been such a miserable, invisible feeling individual for much of my youth. Either way, I decided to give it a go. I’d join up with all the social networks, plug my blog like mad, and read upwards of one hundred blogs per day.
Around about the same time, my desire to write grew stronger. I’d completed the National Novel Writing Month challenge in 2007 and thought why not tackle it in 2008 as well? Problem was that short of giving up sleep and personal hygiene, I couldn’t maintain my blogging and my writing. NaNoWriMo efforts fizzled and I turned back to my blog, shrugging it off. I already had a manuscript from the year before. I’d start working on that again. And I did. Slowly but surely I rewrote the first three chapters to the point that they only made me wince, rather than grimace in despair as I had previously.
I was feeling good. I grinned like mad the day I managed 2000 words in a day, plus kept a clean house and happy children. I began to feel like I’d mastered the tricky balance that is life.
Till I realized I hadn’t read any blogs for about a week or so. Dang! Blog fame and fortune was spiralling away out of my grasp! I lunged after it, writing and reading and commenting with a vengeance. Then it hit me that it had been a full five days since I’d last even looked at my manuscript. I’d begun to feel cranky and dissatisfied. In some inexplicable way, I didn’t feel like me anymore.
A myriad of memories suddenly resurfaced. Me, at age seven, scribbling like mad in my spiral bound notebook. Poems and short stories. A fantasy novel wherein I tried to capture the vivid imaginings of my often whimsical young self. I remembered how I always had a funny little bump on the finger I held my pen clutched against so often, and the perpetual ink smudges along the side of one hand. In highschool, I’d had a teacher cry while reading one of my stories to the class, and another had asked my permission to share my final English essay with his colleagues.
Though often a confused and self-doubting young woman I’d always known that what I most wanted to do was write.
And that scared me so very badly that I stopped altogether. For years and years my only use of the written word was lengthy emails and hastily scribbled birthday cards. I tried to pick it up again halfway through college. I even took a creative writing course or two where I alternately flourished and blushed. The slightest praise sent me away from class reeling with happiness. The slightest criticism left me in a stupor of mortification. It was unsettling in the extreme and, ever young for my age, I refused to face up to things and just learn. I gazed up at the length and height of the learning curve before me and turned tail and ran.
Five writing starved years later I began to blog.
I nearly wept as I wrote my first blog post. It was such a little thing really. Not much depth or scope. Not particularly entertaining even. But I was writing again and it unlocked something in me. I bitterly regretted those years where I’d deprived myself of something that in so many ways defines me. I’d denied myself access to…well, to myself really. Was it any wonder those years had been full of depression, confusion, and a constant string of identity crisises?
I don’t know that I’ll ever give up blogging altogether. It’s been more than just a crutch carrying me through to healing. But I’m entering a new season of my life, and I’m faced with a choice. I’m at the proverbial crossroads, and there’s no doubt in my mind as to which road I’m meant to travel down.
It’s hard to take away the hurt of someone not reading your blog anymore. It stings, I know it does. It’s impossible not to take personally when your blog is such a very personal thing. I’ve slowly been extricating myself from the blogging world, bit by bit. Painful doesn’t begin to describe it. I hate losing those connections with people I’ve come to love dearly. But the cost of continuing on as I have is losing my connection to myself. I’ve done that before, and I shudder at the thought of allowing it to happen again.
I won’t be disappearing entirely, but I’ll be working on my manuscript instead of making the blog rounds quite so often. I’m already missing so many of you, and will be missing you all the more. I love knowing that my readership consists of loving, supportive people who won’t be sniffing haughtily and saying, “The nerve of that Kim! Pursuing her dream instead of reading my blog! Hmph!” Love to you all!
28 comments
Hmmph! The nerve of that Kim! Pursuing her dream instead of….oh wait. ;) I mean, I think that’s great that you know what you want to do and what makes you happy, good luck in all of your writing endeavors and we’ll look forward to seeing you at book signings around the globe. :)
KieraAnne´s last blog post..Update
by KieraAnne on January 31, 2009 at 10:02 am. #
YOu know what? I’m so proud of you! I think we all go through different chapters in our lives where we need different things. My blogging chapter has been good for me in different ways than yours has for you. But when you realize it’s sort of time to move yourself along, I think those moments are what define us.
I’ll look forward to your infrequent visits, and I hope we’ll still be email buddies from time to time!
JustRandi´s last blog post..Friday Flair – Secrets!
by JustRandi on January 31, 2009 at 10:05 am. #
Even though I’ll miss seeing you as often, I completely understand. You know how I feel about your manuscript, and if you have to choose…Taigaea all the way, baby! ;)
I’m proud of you for doing what is best for you.
Rebecca´s last blog post..Help Heather Help a Family Affected By Cancer
by Rebecca on January 31, 2009 at 10:36 am. #
Enjoy your time doing what you love to do! We’re excited to see the manuscript one day!
Erin´s last blog post..Reasons Why I Love Heather of the EO
by Erin on January 31, 2009 at 1:33 pm. #
Go for it, Kim. I have always believed you to be a person of incredible depth. I am so glad you are working on your manuscript! You are a talented writer.
by myrna on January 31, 2009 at 2:26 pm. #
Good for you, Kim. It’s hard, I know . . .I am struggling with the very same issue. But, you have to be true to yourself and fill your bucket the way it gets filled the fastest, not just for you but for your whole family. You go, girl!
Heidi Ashworth´s last blog post..You Know You Are Really Sick When . . .
by Heidi Ashworth on January 31, 2009 at 2:27 pm. #
~sniff~ We’ll miss you, but I understand. Sometimes there are things we have to do whether we want to or not. Love to you!
Eowyn´s last blog post..When You Walk Through the Storm. . .
by Eowyn on January 31, 2009 at 2:35 pm. #
I think it’s worth it to step away every so often to gain perspective. Sometimes our real lives get to busy to lurk on the computer (and then, sometimes, Beaker is home and I can stay perched on the couch the entire time he is home and just play catch up).
Finish your book. Keep us up to date every so often. Pop over for a read when you’re stuck.
Thalia’s Child´s last blog post..Snow
by Thalia's Child on January 31, 2009 at 4:18 pm. #
I went through the same blog insanity. Then I asked myself, if I’m only reading these blogs to build traffic, all these people are probably only reading mine to build traffic too. In which case, what’s the effing point?
And I also realized that blogging is NOT the same as serious writing. It’s like the different between riding an exercise bike in your living room and competing in the Tour De France. Bye bye blog for me, at least for a good long time.
Memarie Lane´s last blog post..Goodbye
by Memarie Lane on January 31, 2009 at 4:39 pm. #
Good for you! I’ll miss you terribly, but I’m glad you’re moving forward!! I’ll keep checking in to see what’s new :) You can always email me… or strike up a game of Wordscrapper on Facebook! Good luck with the manuscript!
Melissa´s last blog post..
by Melissa on January 31, 2009 at 6:29 pm. #
I’m glad you’re doing what you love! Good luck! I’ve been lacking in the blog department lately, too! There are just so many things to do in a day and so few hours!
Tirzah´s last blog post..My Mom Toolbox/Bookshelf
by Tirzah on January 31, 2009 at 6:47 pm. #
Maybe blogging was your way of getting back into writing and that was it’s only purpose. You do what you need to and just be happy. That is all any of us want for you. Go….do….and be happy.
by Tonya on January 31, 2009 at 7:15 pm. #
Write on, sistah. :-)
One of these days, I just know I’m gonna be eagerly devouring your book just so I can say, “look, everybody! I knew this lady when she was only just blog-famous!”
Okay, fine. Of course I would read it ALSO so I can soak up your deliciously lyrical writing. You are so, so GOOD. Only wrote birthday cards for five years, whatever. If those first blog posts were you when you were “rusty” at writing … well, then the well of your talent runs might deep.
by Beth on January 31, 2009 at 8:18 pm. #
Oh good! I mean, I’m pretty new to your blog and immediately added it to my Google Reader, but everyone I’m reading seems to be so…prolific…these days, that I am having trouble keeping up with MY blog reading (probably because I comment so frequently), let alone writing. I so appreciate deep thinkers and good writers – and I can appreciate more of y’all if more make the move to only posting weekly or a few times a month. (-:
Debbie S.´s last blog post..Email Etiquette
by Debbie S. on January 31, 2009 at 8:23 pm. #
Priorities, my dear, and you have a VERY, VERY cool one. You will be missed, though!
Amber’s Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck´s last blog post..Learning to "Ski Like a Girl" and the ugly truth of why spas and sleigh rides should never, ever mix
by Amber's Crazy Bloggin' Canuck on February 1, 2009 at 7:20 am. #
I’ll be reading no matter how often. Nothin’ but love for you, babe. Nothin’ but love.
Heather of the EO´s last blog post..Good Grief
by Heather of the EO on February 1, 2009 at 7:38 pm. #
Follow your dream…
I’m hoping I can get your autograph with a personal message on each one of your books that I buy when they come out… So hurry up!
Heffalump´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
by Heffalump on February 1, 2009 at 8:21 pm. #
I already miss you…even though I see you comment on nearly every post. I can already feel you pulling back. And I think it’s highly appropriate. Completes the cycle, in a way. Your personal growth is so evident in this blog over the past while, and this seems like perhaps the obvious next step.
Painful for us, maybe. But for you? Well, it’s so much better to be book famous than blog famous! Go for it!
charrette´s last blog post..There’s No Pricetag On Happiness
by charrette on February 2, 2009 at 2:21 am. #
Reach for the stars Kim! I’ll still check in now and then.
Kelline Boel´s last blog post..Ouch!
by Kelline Boel on February 2, 2009 at 7:34 am. #
Well I’ll still be around whenever you come back to grace us with your fabulous writing talent here. Oh and congrats on the 5mfm interview!
Summer´s last blog post..My first official blog interview!
by Summer on February 2, 2009 at 8:26 am. #
I fully support this! So pleased for you and your determination. xoxox
Novembrance´s last blog post..The Parable of the Kevlar
by Novembrance on February 2, 2009 at 8:37 am. #
Keep working on your manuscript Kym. I’m officially reallocating any time you spend reading my blog to be devoted to working on your manuscript. ::hugs::
Jaina´s last blog post..A Few Notes
by Jaina on February 2, 2009 at 9:34 am. #
I scrolled down to post a comment and realized along the way that MEMARIE said EXACTLY what I want to tell you…
Blog for YOURSELF, not for anyone else! And, if readers follow, if friendships develop, then you’ll know they are REAL friendships that are meant to be in your life. Reading blogs to build traffic and hoping someone will notice you for the same reason is pointless.
I read Blogs because I’m interested in what someone is up to, or for that person’s point of view. I read their blog not expecting to be answered or appreciated and truth be told, I’d almost rather not be noticed at all. So read Blogs for inspiration and no other reason! If you benefit in some other way, Great! And, if not, then you’ll never be disappointed because it (reading the blog) was MORE about YOU than it was about them!
As to why to Blog.. Well, I blog for ME. A diary keeper all my life, I consider my blog my 21-Century photo album/diary. I don’t care if it entertains anyone at all – I am often entertained reading my own posts just as I am flipping through old family photo albums. Blog are better because there are stories/my words. It’s why I blog! Me, me, me…
My blog began a little more than a year ago after my father bought a new computer and couldn’t figure out how to download the pictures I e-mailed him every few days.
I figured moving my updates to my parents and friends to a Blog would help them keep up with me, my family and what we were up to in one click! In the process, blogging removed my wondering if my messages/photos were filling up my friends/families e-mailboxes with stuff they didn’t have time for or didn’t care about, etc.
So now, my mom and dad, brother and friends and other family that live as far away as Europe can all check in on us when THEY have time and I never feel ignored because they didn’t respond to my e-mails.
If they check in, they do, if they don’t they don’t. I rarely get comments on my blog because my friends/family respond to my blog with personal e-mails back to me about what they read. When strangers comment I thank them but have no further expectations and assume they have none of me.
Best part about my blog is that I feel heard even whether the people I want to inform are checking in or not! Through my blog I’m able to say what I want to say, get out of my system what I want to share WITHOUT being interrupted! I used to struggle to get my opinion out before someone cut me off – but my Blog allows me to say my say and truthfully, it has helped me remember that I matter, not what people think of me or my opinnion. Just getting it out there and sharing what I have to say and what I think about what’s going on is enough because it’s all ultimately just for ME!
The other best part of my blog is that I no longer have to sit for hours on the phone trying to explain to my dad how to download the latest pictures of my sons. Since I moved away, my parents are now 3,318 miles away – my mom has always been my shopping buddy so she really loves logging on to see my latest deal or find.
That’s not to say strangers and even co-workers haven’t found my blog. For instance, after I blogged to my parents about my new Thomasville furniture I found at the outlet here last spring, I ended up helping three stranger-couples (one from Ohio, another in Florida and the last in Boston) get in touch with my salesperson to get their own Felicity sofas and chairs for next to nothing, just like I did.
I don’t expect to ever hear from those people again, (and I won’t care) but knowing I helped them get a deal they wouldn’t have otherwise known about, except for my blog, gives me a little cosmic satisfaction. But providing a service or attracting friends is not what my blog is about. I never feel pressure to blog, even when my high-school friend Carroll e-mails me to say she’s checked my blog five times that day and NEEDS an update!
So blah, blah, blah… What I’m just trying to say is read blogs that interest you only because they interest or benefit you and your life. But always, always Blog for yourself and for those people with whom you’ve shared a hug or could pick up the phone and call today if you wanted to chat with them!
Just my 2-cents! Worth only what you paid. ;)
Be well and happy, (because I said so!)
Smooches,
Janet
by Janet on February 2, 2009 at 11:20 am. #
following your heart and fulfilling your dreams is what its all about! No need to feel any sense of obligation…only do it for the love of it!
Jenn´s last blog post..~Praying fro Tuesday~
by Jenn on February 2, 2009 at 11:48 am. #
I know I joke around a lot about blog fame, but honestly? I don’t care. Sure, it would be awesome to make a lot of money just by blogging, but it’s about as likely as suddenly sprouting wings and flying away.
I’m sad that we’ll be losing your voice, but, OF COURSE – do what works for you. It’s just blogging. And you’re in our readers, so of course we’ll see you whenever you feel like blogging, you know?
Blogging can be a real hamster wheel. On the other hand, it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to comment all over the place, Kim. There was a time when I drove myself crazy trying to comment all over the place, but it was just too much. I comment on maybe seven blogs a day. That’s all I can do, so it’s all I do. I read blogs when I have time, but I don’t try to read every blog, every time. Trying to comment on every post of every blog friend will make you INSANE.
There are a lot of times when I think – I’m just going to quit blogging. But I like it. So I shoot for the middle ground – the sane ground. I post when I feel like it. I read when I feel like it. I comment when I feel like it. And it’s all just fine.
Sue´s last blog post..I’m Definitely Teaching Them The Baked Goods Thing
by Sue on February 2, 2009 at 3:23 pm. #
Oh girl you are singing my song. IN the efforts to finish books, my blog presence is more like a shadow at midnight. Not much to it. But dreams rock. Way to write!!! And see you soon :)
Julie Wright´s last blog post..Keep Moving Forward
by Julie Wright on February 5, 2009 at 8:24 am. #
This hits so close to home for so many reasons. I can just picture you at the tender age of 7 writing furiously … my daughter is that very age right now.
Keep blogging when you need to, I will be here … and good luck with all your writing. Chase your dream and live it!
An Ordinary Mom´s last blog post..The Master’s Defense
by An Ordinary Mom on February 11, 2009 at 5:33 pm. #
Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any points or suggestions? Cheers
by branding agency in london on July 8, 2011 at 12:40 pm. #