Two Months « Temporary? Insanity

Two Months

by Kym on February 23, 2009

That’s how much time I have left. Err…not to live or anything crazy like that, we’re not talking the ultimate deadline here. Just a wee tiny self-imposed one that’s been irritating me the last few days.

You see, I signed up to attend the LDS Storymaker’s Conference in Provo this Spring. It’s a bit nerve wracking, not only because it’s my first writing conference, but because of the many people I admire and love who I’ll be meeting for the first time there. We are talking major first impression time.

Naturally, I thought I’d found the perfect weight loss motivational tool. Whenever I found myself reaching for the junk food, I could remind myself about my upcoming trip to Utah. Bammo. No more junk food = bye bye tummy-that-makes-me-look-five-months-pregnant. (Yes, I know my headshot doesn’t show that – honestly, I’m about 50 pounds overweight)

Problem is that I’m a pro at silencing the inner voice, the angel on my shoulder, as it were. Now the gal on the other shoulder, the one whispering at me that there’s still half a box of cookies in the cupboard…she’s coming in loud and clear.

I know I’m loveable as I am, really I do. There are so many more important things than what size pants I wear or whether or not I get huffy after climbing a couple flights of stairs. It’s not that I think people are going to think poorly of me. It’s not about trying to impress (although, you know, that would be nice) so much as it is about quieting one of those inner voices.

The one that tells me how horrible I look. The one that tells me I’m worthless and pathetic. The one that tells me people are wondering if I’m pregnant or not. The one that beats me down bit my bit till I believe. I’ve gotten into the habit of believing that voice. That’s what weightloss is about, for me. I mean, I want to be healthy, and feel pretty, and feel like I’m teaching my kids good habits. I want to see respect in my husband’s eyes again. I want to FEEL that respect for myself.

But what it comes down to now is silencing that voice.

Truth is, I have more than two months to make the changes I want to make. There are no deadlines, really. And yet, I find myself wanting one. I wonder can it really help? Can I let it?

The next two months should prove educational if nothing else.

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24 comments

New digs! I like it!

I thought the conference would be a great motivator to lose weight too–after all, I’ll be PRESENTING in front of people ACK! Have I lost a pound? Of course not!

Annette´s last blog post..About a House

by Annette on February 23, 2009 at 5:56 am. #

I totally get you and the voices in your head. We probably share the same voice.
You are eloquent and amazing in your ability to get to the crux of the matter.
You are going to be great at the writer’s conference with or without your loathed weight.
Thanks for your insights.
ME

by Melinda on February 23, 2009 at 7:03 am. #

I’m right there with you Kim! You can DO it! I’ve got three months before I have to be in a bathingsuit, on a boat, with other people who look fabulous in bathingsuits. Either someone needs to shoot me now, or I need to lose 60 pounds in three months. I’m thinking option one is more plausible…

I weigh more than you, if that makes you feel better. And I’m three inches shorter. Ugh. Shoot.

Nicki´s last blog post..9 Years Down, Eternity To Go…

by Nicki on February 23, 2009 at 8:43 am. #

We’re together on this one. Can’t wait to see you!

Eowyn´s last blog post..The 5 Senses

by Eowyn on February 23, 2009 at 10:00 am. #

Maybe the rest of us should tell you that we don’t want you skinny? What do you think about that?

I’m stoked to see you and your dress size isn’t going to make any impact on that.

Josi´s last blog post..Leggo my Veggie Burger

by Josi on February 23, 2009 at 10:07 am. #

I know where you’re coming from with regards to wanting to improve yourself.

But if your husband isn’t looking at you with respect, there’s a lot more wrong than just your pant size. Please tell me that is your perception, and not the actual truth.

Thalia’s Child´s last blog post..Meet Vlad. He’s a vampire.

by Thalia's Child on February 23, 2009 at 10:21 am. #

Yeah, I’ve put down many a snack in the last couple of weeks with an eye toward April. I love having something to look forward to, and it helps with the weight loss goals, but you’re right, people are going to be excited to see you, no matter what.

Melanie J´s last blog post..You know what? Mel’s just fine.

by Melanie J on February 23, 2009 at 11:32 am. #

I know, sometimes it really is easier if there’s an actual date. But sometimes not, and it just makes you feel worse for failing. It’s sort of safer sometimes not to say, “this many pounds by this day” but sometimes being ambitious is the way to go.

Good luck!

LisAway´s last blog post..I’m Old and I Have No Partner in Crime

by LisAway on February 23, 2009 at 12:29 pm. #

OK if advertising has showed me anything it’s that first impressions last. I learnt that off a deodorant advert so it must be true. The other thing I’ve learnt, though possibly not from adverts is that guys tend to think about what’s inside a girl’s pants, not the size of them. As to the inner voice thing, as long as neither of them cackles ‘burn them… burn them all… ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa’ you is just like us rest of us. Inner voices are annoying. They can shout and bicker at whatever volume they want and nobody else gets to hear. Unfair I say. A whole day of the psyche equivalent of those radio ads where two voices jabber at each other really quickly to grab your attention! No way! Do what I do, talk to yourself. Sure, you’ll get a seat all to yourself on the bus (no bad thing). Yeah security guards will follow you round the supermarket (good, the shoplifters will have a better chance) but your outer voice is always gonna be louder than the inner one. If drawing that much attention to yourself isn’t your thang (and the police do have guns and tazers near you, so mebbe not) then I fully recommend some tunes. Everyone has songs that make them want to tap their toes and hum along. Lose your silly distracting voices in the ethereal melodies of CSN&Y or the unhappy warblings of Janice Ian. Sing, dance and spin like dervish. Spin ’til you’re sick! Then you won’t want to eat anyway!

ps Hubba Hubba!

by Dr Andros McButtluv on February 23, 2009 at 2:01 pm. #

You will be loved no matter what. Because you’re YOU. (:

Heather of the EO´s last blog post..In defense of Mommy Bloggers

by Heather of the EO on February 23, 2009 at 7:04 pm. #

I totally met Annette on Saturday. I did not see that pound she thinks she needs to lose.

I’m trying to listen to my inner voice better. So far not good.

Amber´s last blog post..I’m Getting Soft

by Amber on February 23, 2009 at 10:48 pm. #

Relax. Listen to your instincts. It will be a great conference – but don’t let stress rob you of your enjoyment of it.

You’re a gifted writer, as I’ve always said.

by david mcmahon on February 24, 2009 at 1:27 pm. #

I hate those voices. I say stuff an enormous apple in its mouth and run the other way. xx

Jo Beaufoix´s last blog post..Thinking Time

by Jo Beaufoix on February 24, 2009 at 3:16 pm. #

Dolly, I love you no matter what.

Novembrance´s last blog post..It’s Like He’s Reading My Mind

by Novembrance on February 24, 2009 at 4:45 pm. #

I can’t wait to see how you like the conference … and good luck in silencing the correct shoulder speaking voice :) !!

An Ordinary Mom´s last blog post..Let Go Of The Guilt, There Are Seasons In Life

by An Ordinary Mom on February 24, 2009 at 7:31 pm. #

Yeah–I’ll be there too. I’m on board for slimming down before I have to cram myself into some decent pants.

by Heather Moore on February 24, 2009 at 7:44 pm. #

I don’t do very well with deadlines…I would most likely gain weight.

And since your going anyway…do be sure to get a new outfit right down to the writer’s carry all bag. or back pack…or whatever cute thing you’ll need to carry goodies and autographs in. And get your nails done too. Mine are always dirty. And snaggled. How can you not make a good impression if your put-together and have nice fingernails?

by Dapoppins on February 24, 2009 at 9:53 pm. #

Wow, I can feel your pain. I also have a two month deadline and literally could have written this blog word for word. I think you need to take your own advice from a few months back and start treating yourself the way you would if you were already there. That’s what I’ve been working on, and I have to say, I think it’s working.

by Helen on February 25, 2009 at 5:19 am. #

Going off of the sugar for that two weeks REALLY helped me. It helped me not to crave sugar so much. A word of warning though. If you go back on sugar for three days in a row those cravings will come right back, so my recommendation is two weeks off and then dessert just once a week.

Heffalump´s last blog post..I am dreading tomorrow…

by Heffalump on February 25, 2009 at 3:40 pm. #

Don’t forget that a lot of weight will come off when you remove the thermals,undershirt and sweaters and get out of oggers and boots. Voila! And anyway, it sounds as if most of the gals there will be worrying about the same thing and as I can tell you are a fantastic writer it ‘aint going to matter a jot what size your bum is. Cut down on the sugary stuff, drink lots of water and enjoy.

Congrats on POTD

by moannie on February 27, 2009 at 7:39 am. #

Congrats on your POTD and good luck with the weight loss. I’ve never had much luck dieting. Exercise and eating well all the time is best, but it’s easier said than done. At a writer conference people should be more interested in your words than your weight so don’t despair.

Sarah Laurence´s last blog post..Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

by Sarah Laurence on February 27, 2009 at 1:45 pm. #

Congrats on POTD reference from David at authorblog. I wish you worried less about the outside of you. It is what is on the inside that counts. That’s why God invented girdles and control panty hose, I think, to hide the pouchy-looking tummy. Relax and try to enjoy the chance to go to a great conference.

by Pouty Lips on February 27, 2009 at 5:24 pm. #

I don’t need to worry about whether people are thinking I am pregnant – I have been told. By my “lovely” old Greek neighbour. “You Fat. You pregnant?” Nice! I must admit, it didn’t sting as much as I thought it would.

Hel´s last blog post..Following – A dangerous past-time

by Hel on February 28, 2009 at 10:29 pm. #