This, Is What It’s About
by Kym on March 24, 2009
Friendship. For me, that’s the life blood of blogging. The interaction and the support. The funny anecdote that brings a much needed giggle on a dark day, or the thought-provoking post that makes me mull over some things that have needed mulling. The blogs I read improve my life, and the bloggers who write them matter to me.
Sometimes I get greedy. I want more readers. I want more recognition. I want, I want, I want. As is often the case in such situations, I already have what I need. I have an abundance. My greed makes me feel ashamed.
And then the self-doubt kicks in, and I start to feel anxious and undeserving. I do a complete one-eighty and face up to the worry that I don’t deserve what I have. I don’t deserve to have loyal readers and commenters. Who do I think I am anyway? I face up to the concept that having a public blog (and wanting people to read it) is a bit like saying, “I’m interesting! I’m worth getting to know!”
I see-saw between greediness and despair, and in the end I just feel a bit sick and discontented.
Last week, I had two experiences that hit home to me why it’s worth fighting the two extremes and struggling for bloggy balance. Lucy and Sara are two dear friends I met through blogging. Oh how I enjoy them. Lucy with her laid back attitude. The friend I can say anything to without fear of judgment. She is restful and fun all in one moment. And Sara, with her insightful questions. She makes me feel like she really wants to know me. Conversation with her flows so easily, and she has such a warm heart. These two woman have some interesting similarities, I noticed, and I enjoyed them both thoroughly.
Friendship. This, is what it’s about.
For me, anyway. For the sort of blogger I have become.
I’m learning that I don’t want comments on my posts because of the ego stroking nature of them. I want them because they say to me, “Your time writing this was not wasted. I read it. It made me laugh. Or it made me think. You meant something to me today.”
I’m realizing that in the past year or so I have become a skimmer of blogs. I get the gist, leave a quick comment, and move on to the next. The time and thought that go into writing the blog posts I enjoy is not reflected in the time and thought I take in responding to them. Part of my discontent can be cured by giving as much as I receive.
The best friendships are, I think, based on that philosophy.
And now I’m left smiling, feeling that yes, this makes sense to me right now. As often happens immediately after an ah-ha! moment, I’m eager to improve. Eager to be better than I have been. And cheery and confident in the knowledge that I CAN be.
The Bloggers Annex is up and running again! They’ve simplified the submission process and are currently looking for new submissions. Peek on over and submit those posts you’d love to see get a wider readership!
24 comments
Ah, the skimming. Every now and then I have to purge my reader so that I don’t have that problem.
by MomBabe on March 24, 2009 at 10:28 am. #
I feel the same way. I’ve see-sawed back and forth more times than I can count. I finally just had to tell myself that I need to be real and myself. If I lose followers/comments, that’s ok because not everyone likes everyone. The wonderful miracle of that is that I have found some beautiful friends who do like me for me. The reaffirm my belief of good in the world and their blogs are my daily medicine. Thanks for the dose. Have a wonderful day. =]
L.T. Elliot´s last blog post..ROFL
by L.T. Elliot on March 24, 2009 at 10:30 am. #
It’s a tough balance, isn’t it? You’ve done well though. We get to know YOU through what you write, and that’s the point.
Josi´s last blog post..GOAL! #1 on Deseret Book
by Josi on March 24, 2009 at 11:04 am. #
Ah, Kimberly. You explain things so thoughtfully and eloquently. Your post on how you aren’t friends with everyone, and some people you might get along with better than others, and it’s the same in blog world, really hit home with me. I think about it a lot, and sometimes I’m tempted to make a post on my blog that says, “Go to Kimberly’s blog and read this post, and then you will know how I feel.” Seriously, I may do something like this soon.
Comments are overrated. I, just like you, want to have relationships with people. Real, thoughtful relationships, not just surface level friendliness. As I have said to you before, I need to make some changes in the way I blog.
That being said, I appreciate learning about you through your blog and the relationship we have created!
Erin´s last blog post..Day Four in Paris
by Erin on March 24, 2009 at 11:10 am. #
I know if it were blogging, I’d never have found you again! And look at all I’d have missed :)
by Abra on March 24, 2009 at 11:24 am. #
I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head here. If we’re honest with ourselves, I’d bet that most bloggers sit on the same see-saw that you do. Do you want millions of people to read you, or do you want people who really connect? There’s a balance to be found, and I think recognizing that need for balance is a very important part of the ongoing process.
Thalia’s Child´s last blog post..Return, Vlad part-I’ve-lost-count-now
by Thalia's Child on March 24, 2009 at 11:33 am. #
This really IS what it’s about, isn’t it? I completely agree. When I’ve thought about cutting back on how many blogs I read I realized that I really do only read blogs of people that I really like and think I’d be friends with if we lived in closer proximity. I suppose it’s because I’ve been very slow to read new blogs, and had to feel drawn to them. Still, there are a few more than I’d like to have to read, but I’m learning how to do it all without stressing over missing someone’s post etc.
I really do love that I feel connected with the people who I read, and I think that really is what it’s about.
LisAway´s last blog post..Aaron’s Calling
by LisAway on March 24, 2009 at 12:11 pm. #
See, I’m one of the lucky ones who knows you IRL, so it’s all just a bonus for me!
You’re fabulous!
Eowyn´s last blog post..~Snicker~
by Eowyn on March 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm. #
I don’t know what life would be like if we hadn’t found each other through this medium!
Novembrance´s last blog post..Only Just Out of Reach
by Novembrance on March 24, 2009 at 3:36 pm. #
I care about you. Really. And you mean something to me every day.
Rebecca – That Girl from Brazil´s last blog post..Hrumphingly hrumphy hrumphed.
by Rebecca - That Girl from Brazil on March 24, 2009 at 4:06 pm. #
I totally got into this thinking it was a creative release. I didn’t ever consider that it was a place I’d get friends. I can’t imagine not having these friendships now, which are, even though largely digital, much richer than almost all of my non-blog (and non-family) interactions.
Life is just truly weird, isn’t it?
Anyway, I’m off now to write a book so I can get some pen pals.
by Zerilda The Superfluous Blogger on March 24, 2009 at 4:15 pm. #
You are interesting! You are worth getting to know! Writing in any capacity is an odd thing for the ego. It’s good sometimes to step back and remember why we do it.
julie wright´s last blog post..Josi Kilpack Rocks! That’s Why!
by julie wright on March 24, 2009 at 4:41 pm. #
I think we all do the skimming thing from time to time. Trying to let people know we care but being just too busy all the time. You have permission to skim my blog when needed. No worries.
I too have made some really good friends blogging. People I have never met but would love to and I know we would be comfortable. It’s a good thing.
by Tonya on March 24, 2009 at 6:58 pm. #
The friendships I’ve made in blogging have definitely made my life richer. Now that I don’t work and we’ve moved, I would be struggling for connections if it weren’t for the relationships that I’ve formed here in the blogosphere.
Melanie J´s last blog post..
by Melanie J on March 24, 2009 at 9:31 pm. #
I’m not really well versed in the art of small talk, so when I read a blog post that I want to say something, but don’t know what, I often don’t comment. It makes me feel bad, because I’ve read it, but just don’t know what to add. This year at the UBP, I decided to only comment on blogs that I really, really felt that I could get to know the person and actually make a connection with. I’m not using the philosophy of comment on as many as humanly possible in order to get as many comments back as I can. It takes too much of my brain power and it’s not worth it. This way it’s quality and not quantity.
Erin´s last blog post..Erin’s attempt at medical drama
by Erin on March 25, 2009 at 7:07 am. #
Yeah, it’s all about the friendships. Your friendship has meant the world to me. Thank GOODNESS for you blog!
Brillig´s last blog post..Brillig Goes Brassy
by Brillig on March 25, 2009 at 7:13 am. #
Well when do I get to meet you huh?
Summer´s last blog post..The Mother of all Meltdowns
by Summer on March 25, 2009 at 8:40 am. #
You said it perfectly. Very much so.
Rebecca´s last blog post..Tidbits
by Rebecca on March 26, 2009 at 10:44 am. #
I am terrible at commenting. It is usual for me to read the post and then have to come back to it to comment. I will leave the blog up for the entire day most times if I want to comment…. and then at the end of the day, when everything else is done, THEN I get a chance to comment. Sometimes I forget what I was going to say… so then I leave the blog without a comment. I love your posts!
Hel´s last blog post..Making a Memory
by Hel on March 26, 2009 at 1:11 pm. #
How did I miss this post! Argh! I’m here now, though. Lovely.
Heidi Ashworth´s last blog post..Miss Delacourt Has Her Portrait Painted
by Heidi Ashworth on March 26, 2009 at 6:20 pm. #
Talking with you is such fun, and I do want to know you and have you as my friend. It was so wonderful to visit with you and see your girls just enjoy life with abandonment and no worries in the world other than saving the frog from an untimely death from my coffee table.
Inkling´s last blog post..Hey Guys
by Inkling on March 26, 2009 at 7:04 pm. #
Relationships and friendships … quality and genuine ones at that, not the skimming type. (I thought I was the only one guilty of that. I need to purge my feed reader, too!)
I miss you already!
An Ordinary Mom´s last blog post..The Easter Story In Eggs
by An Ordinary Mom on March 26, 2009 at 7:35 pm. #
I am sometimes a skimmer. I have too many blogs that I am trying to keep up with. Some I don’t want to offend by giving them up, and some I just plain don’t want to give up.
Sometimes I just skip out on reading some of them for a day or two and don’t try to catch up. It’s not that I don’t love the bloggers, it’s just that I don’t have time for all of the great ones that I have found.
I have found some really wonderful friends through blogging, and will forever be glad for that!
Heffalump´s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
by Heffalump on March 27, 2009 at 9:54 am. #
You said it better than I could have. Very nicely put, as per your usual ;) I love my blogging friends so much. Thank you for this beautiful post Kym. And I love this newest layout :)
Jaina´s last blog post..Words of Wisdom: Quotes on Self & Becoming
by Jaina on March 31, 2009 at 10:14 am. #