Temporary? Insanity

Tomorrow I go home. To the place where my only family are those friends who have become so. I will leave behind the rain, the sirens, and my childhood home. I will feel a strange stretching feeling in my chest, as if my heart is being twisted. Wrung out.

Sometimes, I yearn to live where my family is. I am lucky in that I both love them and enjoy them. When I am here, I feel wistful, wondering what it would be like to live in close association with them, always.

Tomorrow the days of sweet camaraderie with my family will pass. We will return home and I will hear my daughters asking for their grandparents. “Where’s Gan-pa? I miss Nona.” We haven’t even left yet and I can hear their voices in my mind already. We have played out these scenes before.

Going home is always bittersweet.

Sweetness will be found in familiarity and routine. Our own beds. Our own food. I miss cooking us meals. I thought I hated cooking, but now I’m not so sure. The last meal I made before we left was divine (recipe to be shared later), and Neil hummed as he ate it. The swell of pride that brought with it has been lacking this last week and a half.

It is nice to vacation. To let the daily and the mundane fall away in a wave of little or no responsibility. What I do here I do to be helpful. What I do at home I do because no one else will. I miss it though. I miss the sweet glow of satisfaction that comes with doing what I know I should. I miss the self-respect of a job well done.

Somehow, I, one of the laziest creatures on the face of planet earth, am looking forward to going home because I miss working.

I hardly recognize myself.

I think this is a very good thing.

Coming Up Next at Temporary Insanity: Please stay tuned for my review of Annette Lyon’s newest book. The review? Probably dull. The book? Fantabulous!