Awhile back, I wrote about a negative pregnancy test. I handled it better than I had any test before it. No weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth (actually I never do that – it really hurts) – I handled it with a grace and dignity that belied my innate melodrama. It was weird.
Weirder still was when I went to toss the test in the garbage . . . and saw the faint line. I didn’t[...]
Archive for April, 2009
Warning: This post will probably be boring, but I’m writing it anyway because it’s slowly burning a hole in my brain. That is all.
As I’ve been bragging/whining, I recently spent several days away from home, husband, and kids, enjoying the mad fabulous chaos that is the life of the weary traveler. It was wonderful, in oh so many ways. There is no way to pay proper tribute to those I would like to, or to express every[...]
Disclaimer: I’m an idiot. No, really. I wrote this awhile back and prescheduled it to publish without adding any explanation. I wrote this for a pregnancy and infancy loss forum a couple weeks ago and wanted to share it here as well, but no, nothing has happened recently. Sorry for the scare!
You can’t know what it feels like. You really can’t. No matter how close your own experience may seem. No matter how many people you know who’ve gone through[...]
That’s become a big part of my desire to attend the LDS Storymaker’s Conference this weekend (I’m there now – this is a prescheduled post, hee hee!). I need help. Serious, bigger than big, help. My writing has come to a complete standstill. Why? Because my main character up and left me. And yes, yes it hurts.
You see, I started this first book in mind with a firm idea of my main character. She was pretty easy to write about[...]
Traveling without my husband and children is a very head spinning experience. Being the spoiled gal I am, this isn’t my first experience of it. It’s a bit unsettling. Like tight rope walking without a safety net. My family? Is my safety net. With them I am always safe and comfortable and loved. Being out in the wide world without that reassurance is…disturbing.
Sometimes I go grocery shopping at night after the kids are in bed. I always buy diapers first[...]
…taken your temperature on a whim and had it read exactly 98.6, paused to reflect on the fact that wow, that is about as average as it gets, and then proceeded to feel rather depressed by your averageness?
…put off grocery shopping for so long that the only breakfast option available to your kids is applesauce and crackers or something of that nature?
…INTENTIONALLY put off trip preparations because deep down you secretly enjoy the crazy chaotic flurry of throwing everything together[...]
Way deep down, beneath the thin veneer of exaggerated confidence, I don’t like me very much. Despite the many positive strides I’ve made with regards to my self-esteem, I’m still pretty mangled inside. Years of negative self-talk have taken their toll and while I have the hope and the potential to be happier than I currently am, I’m not quite “there” yet.
What hit that fact home recently was the simplest of things. It’s funny how most epiphanies are born of[...]
I just haven’t been getting anything done lately. Sick me + Sick kids = Domestic Chaos. And to a point, that’s all well and good. The house SHOULD fall apart when mummy is sick. It should be one of those grand ah-ha moments wherein everyone realizes anew just how much she does around here.
But after a week? It gets a bit much. The lingering phlegm and achy joints aren’t quite the excuse they were[...]
When: Thursday April 23rd – 6pm
Where: Pizzeria 712 – 320 South State Street, Orem, Utah
Why: To have a scrumptiously divine meal whilst hobnobbing with the likes of Charrette, Eowyn, and myself. We’ll have a grand time whether anyone else comes or not, of course, but the more the merrier!
RSVP: to kimberly.vanderhorst@gmail.com so we can make a more accurate reservation.
Now I’m not saying that I couldn’t handle having ugly kids. Heck, at one point in time I was one, so there’d be a certain poetic justice to it. Still, when I look at my daughters I can’t help beaming just the weest little bit. They’re gorgeous, after all. And while I know that God had more of a hand in their creation than I did, sometimes I strut a bit and think, yeah, I helped make them. I rock.
Hey,[...]
