Temporary? Insanity

Mission Make-a-good-impression-on-the-mother-in-law can be pronounced a complete and utter failure. Throwing up in her sink was probably the low point of the visit. Or perhaps it was falling asleep at the table using the stuffed animals she gave the girls as makeshift pillows. Either way, she did not look impressed as Neil handled nearly all the child minding and diaper changing while I lay about in a semi-comatose state struggling to strike up a conversation with my husband’s rather taciturn mother.

Sick is not a good colour on me.

The night we arrived at the cabin I rented for us I lay under three blankets as Neil unloaded the car, my teeth chattering helplessly and my body wracked by deep, phlegm disrupting coughs. He checked on me periodically, laying his hand on my forehead with uncommon tenderness. I could tell he was worried, and Neil is not the sort who worries. He wanted to find somewhere to stay that wasn’t so remote…closer to a hospital perhaps. I mumbled my agreement and began chattering and quivering again. I think delirium set in at that point.

And then he gave me a blessing. He laid his hands on my head and he prayed so fervently it pierced through the fog of illness and exhaustion engulfing me. I heard his every word, and there was such power in them. The chattering and coughing stopped, shortly after the fever broke and sleep found me. The rest of the trip while exhausting was bearable. In the end, I’m glad I went.

Not just for the obvious reason of seeing my husband’s family. His mum and step-dad who we see so rarely. His brother and sister-in-law who live so far away. There was joy in those reunions. Neil’s brother is a funny guy and his sister-in-law is one of the sweetest gals you could ever meet. I loved seeing our daughters loving their family.

Selfishly though what I’m most glad of is seeing the worry and concern on Neil’s face and hearing it in his voice. I felt loved and sustained by the blessing he gave me, and had confirmed to me many things that my longtime war with self-doubt often obscures.

He loves me. He really does. For all that he says it often this weekend he showed it in a way that doubt can’t argue with.

And though I’m still coughing like mad and feel as if I could lie down this instant and sleep for weeks, I am smiling and content. There is nothing quite like the feeling of being loved. Deservingly so or not.