Bun in the Oven
by Kym on April 29, 2009
Awhile back, I wrote about a negative pregnancy test. I handled it better than I had any test before it. No weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth (actually I never do that – it really hurts) – I handled it with a grace and dignity that belied my innate melodrama. It was weird.
Weirder still was when I went to toss the test in the garbage . . . and saw the faint line. I didn’t squeal or dance or anything, I was that certain that I was willing the line into existence. I kept checking the test periodically and yep, the definitely-just-a-figment-of-my-imagination was still there.
A few more days and a few more tests later and it was confirmed. The one month we didn’t try, I got pregnant. Hasn’t that been done? I both love and hate what a cliche that is.
It wasn’t long before the spotting started. Memories of my miscarriage last summer came on fast and thick. I started having panic attacks and flashbacks, and I couldn’t fight them off no matter how ridiculous I thought I was being having post traumatic stress disorder over such a thing. I mumbled que sera, sera a great deal. I sought to be calm and accepting and rational. Inside though, I was a wreck.
There were blood tests, and an ultrasound that I missed because I woke up feverish and also spotting the day I was meant to drive the two and a half hours to have it. I knew that anxiety would do much, much more harm than good, but I pretty much just wandered through life in a fog. The uncertainty of what was happening in my body seemed to infect every other aspect of life. Nothing felt real.
At last, the spotting stopped. Slowly, hope began its gradual arcing into my heart. That hurt. A lot. I did not want to hope. More weeks passed though, and yesterday it hit me. I think I’m going to be okay. Wow. Oh heck, this is real. There are consequences to this being real. Getting bigger. The nightmare that is maternity clothes shopping. Three kids. Oh. My. Three kids and two hands. We are insane.
But I can reach down already and feel the gentle swelling of the baby’s growth within me (bye-bye cottage cheese consistency tummy!) and while I’m still so, so scared that something will go wrong, I’m starting to believe that maybe it won’t. And that maybe the threat of miscarriage was a gift to me becuase no matter how sick I get (okay, not very, I’ll admit), I’m not curling up on the couch and devolving into a whiney pseudo-invalid. Each bout of queasiness is exciting to me. I am grateful for every symptom and sign that things are progressing.
Today, a wave of nausea washed over me and I found myself grabbing the kitchen counter to steady myself. Immediately after, I did an atrociously hideous little happy dance. I feel sick and I couldn’t possibly be happier about it.
Due Date: November 30th
And yes, we are so going to find out the gender this time if we can.
60 comments
Yay! And I just used “gnashing of teeth” in my blog post for tomorrow, but I like the expression so I think I won’t change it.
And yay! I’m so excited for you. I found your blog right after your miscarriage before and I feel like I’ve gone full circle now.
Thanks for inviting us on the journey.
Melanie J´s last blog post..What’s in a name?
by Melanie J on April 29, 2009 at 8:04 pm. #
HOORAY, HOORAY!!! OH, I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU KIM!!! You’re just the most wonderful person. It only stands to reason that you’ll be the best of moms with three kids!!!!
L.T. Elliot´s last blog post..And then there is BAD news!!!
by L.T. Elliot on April 29, 2009 at 8:04 pm. #
Doing the happy dance for you here! That is fantastic news!! Shopping for maternity clothes is never a fun thing, but I think you’ll probably relish it a little more this time around!! Congrats :D
Melissa´s last blog post..
by Melissa on April 29, 2009 at 8:10 pm. #
Congratulations!!! Oh, I’m so excited and hopeful for you. My husband and I are going to start trying this summer, so it’s fun to see people in my blog-world going through the journey.
by elizabethsheryl on April 29, 2009 at 8:13 pm. #
Congratulations, lady! That’s so great.
Becky´s last blog post..Movies, Mints, and my own predjudice
by Becky on April 29, 2009 at 8:25 pm. #
YAY! I’m glad you’ve finally gone public with the news . . . I’ve been bursting for you over here! ;)
And wait . . . what? You can find out the gender in BC now? That’s legal? When did THAT happen? :)
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by Kate on April 29, 2009 at 8:26 pm. #
YAY!! Congrats! I’m SO sad I missed you. I’m kicking myself because I was thinking the get together was Friday night. I came to double check where it was on Friday afternoon and saw that I’d missed it. I was pretty bummed. YAY for babies though!
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by Amber on April 29, 2009 at 8:28 pm. #
I love the nauseated happy dance. So happy for you. I knew from reading entries of yours in the past that you had miscarried. Best of luck and congrats!
by Kazzy on April 29, 2009 at 8:37 pm. #
Congratulations! I’ve been sick enough for the legions, so I hope you feel great, the whole way through.
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by Lisa Milton on April 29, 2009 at 8:38 pm. #
When you posted about that negative test I had the thought that it might have been a false negative. I had that happen once. It just took another week or so for tests to come out positive.
Congratulations! I hope that things continue to go well!
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by Heffalump on April 29, 2009 at 9:13 pm. #
Hooray! I’m so happy for you! This kid is extremely lucky to have you for a mom.
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by Rebecca on April 29, 2009 at 9:22 pm. #
Yay!
I was just wondering how everything wound up working out on that front. Glad to hear you are progressing, and that the spotting has settled
Thalia’s Child´s last blog post..Busy Busy Busy
by Thalia's Child on April 29, 2009 at 10:00 pm. #
Wooooo hooooo! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! This is most excellent news!
I can’t stop smiling.
LisAway´s last blog post..Congratulations And About A Hike
by LisAway on April 29, 2009 at 10:25 pm. #
Woot! Congrats and all that nonsense.
by MomBabe on April 29, 2009 at 10:39 pm. #
Congratulations Kim! I’m happy for you.
by Sue on April 29, 2009 at 10:51 pm. #
Congratulations! That’s so exciting! That sounds kind of similar to our experience this time around–the spotting totally freaked me out! My husband kept talking about the baby “taking.”
“If this pregnancy takes…” or “If this pregnancy doesn’t take…”
That was kind of weird for me. Anyway…
I’m so glad that things worked out for you! I’ve heard from some that 2 kids is what’s really hard and anything after that is just another kid. I’ve also heard that you run out of hands after 2 so 3 is really hard and then anything after that is just another kid.
I think you’ll do fine with three!
by Nancy on April 29, 2009 at 10:58 pm. #
Mom Blogs – Blogs for Moms…
…
by Anonymous on April 30, 2009 at 2:11 am. #
CONGRATULATIONS!!! XXX
by Karita on April 30, 2009 at 2:44 am. #
That is so AWESOME!!! I’m so glad for you!!
Three is weird at first and can hit hard, but you really do get used to it and it is really nice for the kids to have options of who to pick on!
I love your picture to go with this post!
Tirzah´s last blog post..Baby Wearing at its Oddest!
by Tirzah on April 30, 2009 at 3:14 am. #
Hurray! I’m so very excited. You’ll have extra prayers from me for the next seven months.
Novembrance´s last blog post..It’s not you; it’s me.
by Novembrance on April 30, 2009 at 3:19 am. #
HOORAY!!!!!! I am so excited for you!!!
by Summer on April 30, 2009 at 4:35 am. #
Yippee!!! I am so happy for you!
NorahS´s last blog post..Tuesday–Ten Words
by NorahS on April 30, 2009 at 4:36 am. #
I’ve said it before and I will probably say it again. You are an excellent writer. I love reading your blog! I have to remember when I write it is more exciting to read passages written in active voice. I like how you took us on your journey with you. WOW! I’m impressed.
Also very excited for you. Hope everything goes well for you.
Alexes Covington´s last blog post.."When Hearts Conjoin"
by Alexes Covington on April 30, 2009 at 5:02 am. #
Wow Kim, that is great news. I too am really glad you are feeling sick :) Us vegans, as in people from vegas, are pretty excited for you. Ps I think the picture is cute. I guess having three girls is rubbing off on me.
by Jon on April 30, 2009 at 5:12 am. #
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! I’m so excited I can barely breathe! That is EXACTLY the kind of news I like getting up to in the morning!!! :) Aw, honey, congrats. Give Neil my congrats and a hug and I wish I was there to give you a big one too!!! Woohoo!!!
Erin´s last blog post..Desperate times call for desperate measures…and a little ingenuity!
by Erin on April 30, 2009 at 5:19 am. #
I wish I could put one of those dancing bananas from Plurk on here. I am so excited for you.
by RhymesWith on April 30, 2009 at 5:19 am. #
yayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!!!!!!!!!
Brillig´s last blog post..I’m So Vain, I Probably Think This Post Is About Me
by Brillig on April 30, 2009 at 5:37 am. #
HOW EXCITING!! I’m so happy for you! Congratulations!!
JustRandi´s last blog post..About That Widget
by JustRandi on April 30, 2009 at 5:41 am. #
Yay, yay, yay! Doin the Snoopy happy dance!
by Annette on April 30, 2009 at 7:13 am. #
Yay!! I’m so excited for you! I hope everything goes well and you have a beautiful healthy baby come November. Are you hoping for a boy this time or another girl so you don’t have to buy new stuff? My sister, two sisters-in-law and I are also expecting….we’re due at the end of July, the end of Aug, I’m due at the end of Sept, another the end of Oct. Crazy how these kids just multiply huh? I’m totally with you on the three kids two hands dilemma, I don’t know how that’s going to work. Congrats!
Kiera´s last blog post.."Master" bath & Kid’s room: Before and After
by Kiera on April 30, 2009 at 7:36 am. #
Yay!! I’m so happy for you!
tracey´s last blog post..Because a Wednesday photo post needn’t be Wordless…
by tracey on April 30, 2009 at 8:02 am. #
I LOOOVE it. So happy for you! LOVE the photo too, you clever thing, you.
Heather of the EO´s last blog post..You get what you focus on
by Heather of the EO on April 30, 2009 at 8:12 am. #
Relief and congratulations!
Eowyn´s last blog post..So, if you loved Twilight
by Eowyn on April 30, 2009 at 8:53 am. #
Cute clever photo! I love that I can hear your real voice when I read your posts now–your real voice is so much more animated than I imagined. :) Wish I could have seen the happy dance, tho.
Heidi Ashworth´s last blog post..The Swine Flu and Me
by Heidi Ashworth on April 30, 2009 at 10:01 am. #
congrats! i’m soooo thrilled for you!
by cornnut32 on April 30, 2009 at 10:10 am. #
So happy for you Kim… I was worried when I read your other post so I’m glad that you’re still doing well, and the baby is still good too!
I love you!
by Abra on April 30, 2009 at 10:38 am. #
Woo hoo! I am so excited for you!
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by Erin on April 30, 2009 at 11:36 am. #
So glad everything is going well, well enough that you are now publicly announcing it. A November baby! Hooray!! Congratulations!!!
by Beth on April 30, 2009 at 1:18 pm. #
yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooo happy for you. =) Much love, my nauseous but ecstatic friend!
Inkling´s last blog post..Glorious Naptime
by Inkling on April 30, 2009 at 4:07 pm. #
Congratulations! You didn’t let on a bit over the weekend.
If your baby comes one day early, that’s my birthday. :)
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by Karlene on April 30, 2009 at 4:09 pm. #
Our family is so very happy for you!!!!
by Tonya on April 30, 2009 at 8:11 pm. #
I am doing my own happy dance for you … a sleep deprived one … but still a happy dance :) !! I can’t wait to meet the new little addition. And you and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
(By the way, did you take that clever photo? So fun!)
An Ordinary Mom´s last blog post..Chicken Soup For The Soul: A Mother’s Day Giveaway
by An Ordinary Mom on April 30, 2009 at 8:45 pm. #
YEAH! I’m so happy for you, Kim–BIG congrats.
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by Josi on May 1, 2009 at 4:16 am. #
WOOT WOOT!! Congrats!!! I am soooo happy for you! I have yet to have a kid so I wouldn’t know what any of this feels like but I”m getting married in exactly 2 months from today and so I’m really looking forward to having kids… in a couple years :) :)
I can only imagine how traumatic a miscarriage would be and how much more joy you would be feeling after thinking that you might be miscarrying to not!!! NOVEMBER! That’s really not that far away!! CONGRATS AGAIN!!
Meg
Megan´s last blog post..swine flu is in fashion!
by Megan on May 1, 2009 at 8:47 am. #
Oh congrats Kym! I’m so excited for you. This is wonderful news. You will be in my prayers. ::hugs::
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by Jaina on May 1, 2009 at 8:48 am. #
CONGRATS!!!
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by Kara on May 1, 2009 at 3:01 pm. #
Congrats!!! I’m so glad it turned out to be positive :)
Shanna´s last blog post..He Said It
by Shanna on May 1, 2009 at 5:20 pm. #
Oh my gorgeous gorgeous friend. You just made me cry. I am so so happy and wishing you and Neil and Emma and Becca lots of good times and health while you await your new little one. Love you so much. I have to go tell the girls now. Sniff. Be well. I’m sending all my happy thoughts to you. :D xxxxxxxx
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by Jo Beaufoix on May 2, 2009 at 2:31 am. #
Completely happy for you Kimberly. Best wishes to you and your family.
Jan´s last blog post..Patriarchal blessings
by Jan on May 2, 2009 at 12:20 pm. #
So excited for you…in a cautiously hopeful kind of way, because I’ve been there. Praying for goodness and growth. Crossing my proverbial fingers. And wanting to add that the craziness of a third (while it put me right over the edge) is the best kind of crazy! CONGRATS!
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by charrette on May 2, 2009 at 11:29 pm. #