I Need Help « Temporary? Insanity

I Need Help

by Kym on May 14, 2009

Well, I mean, yes, obviously of course . . . but I mean in a very specific way.

My life has no structure. There. I admitted it. Have fun feeling all superior now. I am the wibbly-wobbly jelly-fish type who makes everyone else look all strong and vertebrae-ish. I’m slowly beginning to realize that the insanity around here is not so temporary.

And I am not okay with that anymore.

I don’t know why now should be the moment. Why this morning I woke up craving change. Craving structure and routine and schedule. For years now I’ve muddled through life, never knowing what I was going to be doing an hour from the present moment, never mind a whole day. I’m a flake. A drifter. An empty day planner of a person.

As I approach this problem I feel a bit lost. How do I learn how to plan? What will work for me and what won’t? How many months or years of trial and error will it take to figure it all out? What if I go to the opposite extreme and become a rigid scheduler while my family withers away from flexibility withdrawal?

Yeah, I worry too much, I know, but seriously, I need some help here.

So two questions:

Anyone else have/had these kinds of issues?
How do you organize your life/what works for you?

I’m tired of being a jelly-fish.

31 comments
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31 comments

Well, I’m sure you’ll find lots of different opinions and systems to organize your life. This is one of those topics where everyone has an opinion.
I’m a Flylady afficionado. Give her a month, she’ll change your life 15 minutes at a time.
http://www.flylady.net

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by JustRandi on May 14, 2009 at 8:51 am. #

I sometimes find myself at 5:30 staring at the fridge wondering where the day went and what I’ve done with all my time. My mother on the other hand has everything SO rigidly organized that there’s sometimes no time for fun! I’d say it’s about balance. On my good days (and sometimes I have multiples of these in a row), I follow basically the same pattern: I get dressed right away in the morning, I keep food at the scheduled time, and then I try to let it flow. I have some designated goals that help direct the day, but I don’t push it with lists and time schedules. How else are you going to fit in a walk when the sun just looks perfect on the lawn?! :) The biggest thing is keeping the kid’s schedule normal and that’s where the food comes in. If he eats at his “times” and has his nap at the right time, it gives structure to the day and keeps us all happy.

Sarah´s last blog post..Perfect Day

by Sarah on May 14, 2009 at 9:21 am. #

As an at-home mom I felt the most organized when I had a plan that still had some flexibility. For example, I always shot to have the housework done by noon. Maybe basins one day, floors another day, changing linens another, etc. Somethings need to be done daily obviously, like dishes, etc, but if I got these other things done by noon I felt like I could relax and enjoy the rest of the day. About dinner… I tried to set noon for my deadline for dinner plans. So crockpot, etc by noon. Just some ideas…

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by Kazzy on May 14, 2009 at 9:41 am. #

Oh yes, these words sound SO familiar. The weirdest thing is, when I worked, I was known for being structured and organized. Now that I stay at home I’m not even a fraction as good as I used to be. The guilt that accompanies not getting much done is horrible! Especially if it happens day after day. After seven years I am getting better!

One thing that’s helped is school. Just having to get up and dressed at a certain time makes a big difference. Is your oldest in school yet?

The absolute best thing I do (when I can remember), is to make a list of things I want to do THE NIGHT BEFORE. Then when I wake up I know exactly what I have to do. I don’t normally get it all done, (and you can’t feel guilty about what you DIDN’T do), but I feel so much better about my day in general! Don’t forget to add the fun stuff! Try it and let me know how it works for you. Love ya girl!

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by Nicki on May 14, 2009 at 9:41 am. #

First off–nice look around here!

Second, when my kids were smaller, I was really organized. I think it was a survival thing. Once we moved, my system fell apart–and I’ve never settled into a decent one since.

If you find a great system, let us know!

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by Annette on May 14, 2009 at 9:41 am. #

I go in and out of my schedules. I like to have a cleaning schedule (Kitchen Monday, bathrooms Tuesday, LR Wednesday, bedrooms Thurs. vacuum Tues and Fri. etc.) so I don’t feel like I have to do everything every day (or, more likely, nothing every day) and so every day at least one room is completely clean, and I know the others will be on their day, too. Also, I go through lazy periods as a mother and I hate it so I sometimes make hour by hour schedules to make sure I get the kids outside to play and in the summer do art projects etc. I’m still not that great, and I still stay pretty flexible. It’s sort of a constant struggle. I know lots of people who love flylady, but I’ve never tried it. I should, though.

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by LisAway on May 14, 2009 at 9:43 am. #

I wish I could help you here but unfortunately, I’m sort of a jellyfish myself. If there’s one thing I could say it would be, “Be kind to yourself.” It’s a great thing to want to change and improve–it just doesn’t mean that you’re doing everything wrong. You have beautiful girls and a lil’ bun in the oven. You’ve got a great husband and relationship. Those are major successes. Be proud of you and know that it’s okay.
Love,
Laura

L.T. Elliot´s last blog post..Five Bucks and some Butterflies

by L.T. Elliot on May 14, 2009 at 9:50 am. #

I’m kind of in the same boat you are.
I feel like every day is just another day of muddling through with no real direction.
One thing that worked for me for a while was to make a list and laminate it. It’s still on my fridge, I just need to get back to using it.
Anyway, it was a simple list with things like making my bed, eating breakfast (because if it’s not on a to do list I am not likely to actually eat breakfast), changing out a load of laundry, etc. I had things that I had to check off of the list and then when I got to a certain point I could have an hour on the computer. When I was good about it, I actually accomplished a lot in one day. Then I had the baby, and kind of went back to my muddling ways. We have a routine, but I don’t get much done following it. I have become apathetic.

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by Heffalump on May 14, 2009 at 9:52 am. #

It’s something that I’ve been working on for a couple of years now. I’m not trying to be discouraging, I’m just saying that I perfected my disorderly habits over the course of about 30 years. And the last 2 years have been spent trying to unlearn all of that! It takes time! Baby steps is all I can say. I know that when I try to change too much all at once I get overwhelmed and quit. Pick ONE THING. And then break it down into steps. Work on that one thing till you feel you have it mastered. I used to give myself time limits… I’d give myself a month to accomplish something. The month would end and I wouldn’t be near my goal. Which made me feel like a failure. :S
I watched a show on ABC the other day that Michael J. Fox did. If you get a chance, go to the ABC.com and watch it. It’s called “Adventures of an Incurable Optimist” and it was fantastic. (I know this is turning into a MONSTER comment bear with me…) He said two things that really stuck with me. (these are not exact quotes)
First – it’s not about the end result, it’s about the journey.
Second – don’t wish for a lighter burden, wish for broader shoulders.
I hope this all makes sense… I feel like I’m rambling. I guess your post just kind of struck a chord with me…

Melissa´s last blog post..

by Melissa on May 14, 2009 at 10:31 am. #

Google Calendar. You put in the big stuff, the things that have to be attended/gone to. You keep a little to do list on the side with the tasks you have to accomplish each day or week. You get the structure through the “main events” (the ones on the calendar) and the flexibility comes in the rest of the time. Good luck Kym! You can totally do this. Another thing, is talk with your family. Talk with Neil. Get his input. You can’t and shouldn’t do this on your own. He’ll probably have some great ideas too.

Jaina´s last blog post..Sunday Smorgasbord – Sunburn Edition

by Jaina on May 14, 2009 at 10:43 am. #

I’m SO with you. I was JUST thinking about this this morning. I said to myself “I am so bad at planning ahead.” And I am. I just kind of float through. There are a number of things that happen each week that we attend and that really helps, but I’m terrible at thinking ahead. For instance, summer is nearly here and I just thought “Oh, I should have signed Miles up for t-ball or swimming. hmmmmm.”

So yeah, I get you :)

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by Heather of the EO on May 14, 2009 at 10:43 am. #

Well I would love to help you, but my middle name is spontaneity. ;D

Summer´s last blog post..Some Random Thoughts and Info

by Summer on May 14, 2009 at 1:09 pm. #

Ahhhh sweetie, my organisation all depends on where I am hormonally and what mood I’m in. I have good days and bad days. Be nice to yourself. You’re an amazing person and Mummy and you’re doing fine. When I’m having bad days I do lists. Otherwise I just hope for the best. :D

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by Jo Beaufoix on May 14, 2009 at 1:21 pm. #

MY computer tells me what to do. I decided which days were laundry days, vacuuming days etc…put them in the task section of Outlook and now every day it pops up and tells me what to do. It usually gets done that day though sometimes not until the evening. That keeps the housework done. I also started planning my meals a week at a time because that was always the worst part of my day. I do it quicly before I go grocery shopping, so I have everything I need. Everything else pretty much just flows around meals and nap.

by Suzanne on May 14, 2009 at 2:04 pm. #

The key to your success if finding what works for you and you alone. And unfortunately, like an infant, once you figure something out that works well something is going to through a wrench in your day :) !! Fly Lady might give you some good starting points and so will a lot of these comments. Just try something for a week and keep tweaking it until you have something you like, but remember, this is a process, so be nice to yourself :) !!

With that disclaimer, one thing that really helped me add more structure to my day was when my oldest started school. It forced me to become even more organized and to weed out what activities were wasting my time and it helped me realize what things I wanted to focus on. I also like to plan my week on Sunday evenings and then plan my days the night before. I like to have a routine in my life, but I also like to be able to be somewhat flexible, not too rigid.

Good luck finding a balance in your life … and don’t forget to go easy on yourself, especially since you are expecting :) !!

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by An Ordinary Mom on May 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm. #

For organizing, I really liked the book Organizing from the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern. It really helped me. She also has a time management book, can’t remember the title, I think it’s Time Management from the Inside Out.

Karlene´s last blog post..Agent in Old Lace by Tristi Pinkston

by Karlene on May 14, 2009 at 4:19 pm. #

I definitely have that problem. There was a time…okay maybe a week or so, where I did schedule everyday to include exercise, feeding/playing with kids, cleaning, cooking, family time as well as some free time. The cleaning part changed depending on the day (ie laundry Monday, living room Tuesday, etc..) but the idea was that my house would always be mostly clean and if it wasn’t I wouldn’t need to stress about it RIGHT NOW since I knew I would be cleaning that room on ‘x’ day. It was nice because I then wasn’t spending hours at a time on the computer or something when I should be watching the kids or cleaning or doing something constructive. Well…like I said it lasted about a week. I kept up the Laundry, Kitchen, and Bathroom cleaning days for a month before the kitchen got dropped but I kept the other two until we moved this past Feb. The bathroom has yet to be re-added and I know I would feel so much better if I was back on a schedule, but I’m a lazy sort of person and hate having my “free” time taken away. Good luck and let us know if you come up with anything brilliant.

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by Kiera on May 14, 2009 at 4:42 pm. #

Me lovey FlyLady. I learned a lot from her website and from her book Sink Reflections. I’ve graduated from her system now and have adapted it to what works for me.

I use a blank composition notebook for to-do and shopping lists. It has a little pocket in the back where I keep my ward list and my calendar page for the month.

This book is my brain; I’m very disciplined about writing things down in it, because otherwise? Gone, Daddy, gone–I don’t remember it.

You can do this!

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by Novembrance on May 14, 2009 at 6:24 pm. #

I’m just sitting here soaking up the good advice, cuz I’m completely messed up in that regard. Other than having my kids in school (close to) on time, it’s a mess around here.

Eowyn´s last blog post..Don’t Hate Me!–Or, the top ten things I’ve learned losing weight.

by Eowyn on May 15, 2009 at 6:37 am. #

Love your wind and snow twitter comment!

Eowyn´s last blog post..Don’t Hate Me!–Or, the top ten things I’ve learned losing weight.

by Eowyn on May 15, 2009 at 6:38 am. #

I like to pretend I’m scheduled, but I have a lot of off days (like today) where I abandon my schedule for laziness. But I organize my weeks by day:
Monday – Laundry Day
Tuesday – Park day
Wednesday – Library Day
Thursday – Lydia’s “playschool”
Friday – Shopping Day

Then under that I also do not leave the kitchen after a meal until it’s all cleaned up – including dishes, wiping counter and tables, etc. On Thursdays (or Fridays if I’m lazy like right now) I make up a Shopping List and a list of the week’s menus, and then I know what to cook each day (although I will move the meals around a bit if I feel like it).

I’m still working on fitting in housecleaning with this – I right now just try to do what I can, but this is very inefficient, so I think I’ll try what some of your comments recommend, and do one room for each day of the week.

I keep a master list with everything I want to do, stuff like Mend clothing, organize my food storage, clean out the car, write letters to various grandparents. Anything and everything that I never do if I don’t plan when I’ll actually do it. There are probably 30-50 things on the list right now. Then every Sunday evening I try to pick one for every day (although if it’s going to be a busy day I don’t pick one), and then on that day I just know it’s my time to do it, and then I feel a like I’m actually accomplishing more than just recleaning and washing the same stuff every day, but actually accomplishing something that will stay done (for a while).

Then I also do not turn on the computer until after lunch, when Elisheva is napping (unless, once again, it’s today, and I’m lame). I’m amazed at how much more I get done when I don’t have any computer time until later in the day.

Of course, when I have a really good week with all of this, I seem to rebel against myself, and get all lazy and lame, so I and my attempts to be organized are definitely a work in progress.

Ultimately, as you know, everyone has to find their own system. I like some things that Flylady does – she especially helped me learn how to declutter and also to break up cleaning into small increments, and then it isn’t so daunting a task.

Good luck finding what works for you!

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by Thora on May 15, 2009 at 6:56 am. #

I have no idea right now. :) But it was nice to get to read everyone’s advice without reading it!

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by Nancy on May 15, 2009 at 7:53 am. #

I’m a note and calendar person. I have to have notes to myself on the white board on the fridge and have it down on my calendar or it doesn’t happen.

The whiteboard helps alot because I can write out what’s happening for that week along with grocery list items, reminders to call so and so etc.

Good luck!! Start small.

by Tonya on May 15, 2009 at 2:29 pm. #

I do notes, too. I have a little notebook that has a page for each day and I write whatever it is I have to do for that day on the page. I just cross off as I go. But I’m the type of person where if I don’t write it down, it gets forgotten, so that’s the best thing I can do for myself.

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by VirtualSprite on May 15, 2009 at 6:51 pm. #

It’s funny because I’ve always hated schedules and structure but since having kiddos and working for home, I crave both. I usually wake up about an hour before anyone else and that is work time. Once everyone is awake, eating breakfast and watching TV, I cram in some more work. For the rest of the morning until about 2 p.m., I play with them–go to the park, hikes, backyard, whatever. At 2 p.m. when son goes down for his nap, I work again, intermingled with Haddie playtime. It’s not a perfect system but it is definitely something I can count on every day!

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by Amber's Crazy Bloggin' Canuck on May 16, 2009 at 5:16 am. #

Personally, I’m not a big organizer, either. I have tried to use several different schedules and I never stick to them. I’ve decided (and it works really well for me) to have a to do list and just do what I want, when I want. I tend to get a lot done and still have time to play. If something comes up, it isn’t a big deal. I’m able to change as much as I want. I do use a Palm Pilot and that keeps me remembering things!

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by Tirzah on May 17, 2009 at 4:10 am. #

Oh, boy, so late to the party here, but I would have to say that kids crave structure. I doubt they will have any kind of flexibility withdrawals–they would probably take to it like fish to water. (Having said that, however, doesn’t mean I believe you are a flaky person.) It’s so much easier to not be on a schedule when you have a few pre-school age kids–once they start school or have more than a few, a structured schedule really is much easier on everyone. So, it sounds like you are right on target!

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by Heidi Ashworth on May 17, 2009 at 11:50 am. #

first off, for me, i go through cycles of laxness and then fierce type-A tendencies. the house and my life will get cluttered and aimless, and then one day i wake up and just. can’t. take it. and then i’ll do a major upheaval, scrub the house clean, and get my daily schedule back on track.

ideally, though, i’m working toward Living Deliberately. this means i sit down with a notebook and summarize in a sentence or two what i aim to accomplish with my life. then i break that down into ten year spans…this is what my life should look like or be about at age 30, age 40, age 50, etc. then i take just this next ten years and break that down into single years: accomplish this much this year, so much next year, etc. (and some goals are the same for each year, not everything builds.)

ok, so then i break down each of the next twelve months and set smaller goals…and break down this month into weeks, this week into days.

once you’ve done the whole shebang, you just have to revisit your immediate goals on a weekly basis, set a new schedule for that week, evaluate the past week.

and from time to time, check in on your larger goals…like on the first of the month, evaluate the past month and look at what you planned for this month (edit those plans if needed).

do the same at the first of each year, and occasionally check in on your general life purpose, so you don’t lose sight of that.

this is helping me to live beyond the daily-getting-by, and actually be working toward a meaningful end…it’s the difference between feeding my children and nourishing them, or supervising them versus nurturing them.

anyhow, sorry for blogging within your blog, but i wanted to share what i’ve been attempting to do. i hope you find something that works beautifully for you.

by nic on May 19, 2009 at 6:41 am. #

I’m extraordinarily organized.

It goes against everything in my nature to be extraordinarily organized.

The only thing that happened for me was that one day I gave birth to two babies. I had absolutely no choice but to get my rear in gear and figure things out.

Then I got a dayplanner and my life changed forever. :)

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by Stephanie Snowe on May 19, 2009 at 11:54 am. #