It Can be Done!
by Kym on May 28, 2009
Housewifedom has always been an overwhelming thing for me. Every day a struggle. Every moment a battling out between motivation and laziness. Deep down, I’ve always wanted to be the Mom-Who-Seems-to-do-it-All. My mum was that way, and even though I saw the many mini-nervous breakdowns that accompanied her fabulousness, I still find myself wanting to emulate her. I want to be the Mom/Housewife that all the others not so secretly envy/hate-just-a-wee-little-bit.
But then the overwhelmedness kicks in, with a huge heaping helping of despair on the side, and suddenly I am convinced that not only can I not be fabulous, but I can barely pull off mediocre. I have believed this for years, and lived according to that rather depressing credo.
Thing is, it is not now, nor has it ever been, true.
When I wrote about needing help a little while back, I wasn’t exaggerating. Things are pretty chaotic and messy around the VanderHorst household. We have a morning routine and a bedtime routine, but there’s absolutely nothing in the middle. The kids never know if the mommy who greets them in the morning is going to be teaching, playing, and cookie baking mommy. Cleaning the house like mad and ignoring everything and everyone else mommy. Or reading a book while the kids play amongst themselves mommy. They don’t know if they’ll go to town and play with other kids once, twice, thrice, or not at all. Essentially, there’s a lot of not knowing around here.
I garnered a lot of encouragement, support, and fabulous ideas from the responses to that post about needing help (thank you SO much!). Things looked a bit more doable after that. Although I’d of course known it before, the written stories from other women who’ve struggled really bolstered me up. I had the sudden thought – hey, maybe I can do this!
I’m not going to go into details (yet), but it turns out I can. My house is better organized now than it has EVER been. I’m actually getting past the surface muck and mess and getting some deep cleaning done. I wouldn’t be ashamed to have any closet in the house opened, my pantry makes SENSE, and Mt. McLaundry has been reduced to a mere foothill. Granted, under the kitchen sink is still a scary place, I can’t remember the last time I mopped, and the sheets on our beds haven’t been changed in a worryingly long time. But!
I don’t feel overwhelmed right now. Despite the fact Neil’s dad and step-mum will be arriving tomorrow afternoon. I feel a little extra motivated to get more done today but the panic just isn’t there like it usually is.
I don’t think I’ll ever be the Mom-Who-Seems-to-do-it-All. But I’m okay with that now. After years of being the Mom-Who-Barely-Functions, growing and developing into the Mom-Who-Does-All-Right has me feeling pretty darn happy today.
Details to follow. I promise.
24 comments
I want the details. I’ll wait, though. I’m glad you’ve come to this place. It’s a good place to be. Especially when you’ve got company coming, and ESPECIALLY when you have number three on the way. It’s so helpful to feel like you can handle your life before the baby comes, and much easier to imagine yourself handling it after. Keep up the good work!
LisAway´s last blog post..Spontaneity
by LisAway on May 28, 2009 at 9:22 am. #
Great job Kym! Have a wonderful visit with your in-laws. You totally got this!
Jaina´s last blog post..Wait, wasn’t it just 10:30?
by Jaina on May 28, 2009 at 9:46 am. #
Go, Kim!!!
Annette´s last blog post..WNW: The Ryon’s Tale?
by Annette on May 28, 2009 at 9:54 am. #
Okay, I’m realizing I might have been commenting on your blog for a while now without filling in my info and you not knowing it was me. Hmmm. Anyway, Yay for you! Though I am positive you have had it way more together than you suppose since I think you probably underestimate the amount of women who are at home having mini nervous breakdowns in spite of being the one they all envy for having it all together (or because of it) it is still great to make progress since we could all use a healthy dose of that!
Heidi Ashworth´s last blog post..I Have Been Enjoying A Lot Of Solitude Lately
by Heidi Ashworth on May 28, 2009 at 9:57 am. #
Woooohoooo! You go, girl!
(I am HOWLING over “Mt. McLaundry.” Why, oh why didn’t *I* make that up?)
Luisa Perkins´s last blog post..Comfortably Yum
by Luisa Perkins on May 28, 2009 at 10:15 am. #
I’m trying to find peace in being a good enough mom…somedays it’s tough.
by leendaluu on May 28, 2009 at 10:55 am. #
Good for you!
by Heffalump on May 28, 2009 at 12:10 pm. #
I have days like this, but never weeks, and I am totally okay with that. Congratulations on getting some traction.
by Melanie J on May 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm. #
Your joy just radiates through this post!
by Summer on May 28, 2009 at 2:34 pm. #
This is spectacular, in a real-world sort of way. I love that you’ve found a place that feels good, somewhere between feeling overwhelmed while trying to impress others…and barely functioning. It sounds like you’ve found Healthy.
charrette´s last blog post..Of Mice and Men…and Medicine Wheels
by charrette on May 28, 2009 at 3:22 pm. #
I want to know details! Like, the motivation — that’s what I’m struggling with right now. But then again, now that I think about it, I have been more active with my kids this past week, so I guess I should give myself some credit there.
Nevertheless — I’ll be tuned in to my Google Reader, waiting for your next post, and in the meantime glad for you and the more organizedness. :-) You go girl!
by Beth on May 28, 2009 at 7:41 pm. #
Try parenting with your husband away for 2 weeks! ACK! WE found out we are moving to St. George and OH NO we have to MOVE again! It’s a great job–I just have one be the one to parent, discipline, and BE with the kids!!!! I am going crazy. Especially today. And today is the LAST DAY of school. IT’s gonna be a LONG summer! At least I have friends to help me.
AAAACK! I’m feeling very overwhelmed today!
Alexes Covington´s last blog post..I survived this week & AND I am still alive! (The children are alive too and that’s saying something…LOL)
by Alexes Covington on May 29, 2009 at 11:17 am. #
My kids don’t know what mom they are getting on a day to day basis either. I try to think of it as being a continual surprise :). I wish i had organization down a little better, but I think if i get through the day with no major meltdowns, sometimes that is simply good enough. Have fun with Neil’s folks!
julie wright´s last blog post..CONduit
by julie wright on May 29, 2009 at 12:26 pm. #
That line about barely pulling off mediocre is my heart written on your blog. It’s so much harder than I ever thought. Please, please be kind to you. You’re so wonderful that it’s ridiculous. I loves ya, Kim. Loves ya for always.
L.T. Elliot´s last blog post..Getting Back to Me
by L.T. Elliot on May 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm. #
good on ya, mate! (you knew i was going to say that, eh? i really need to move to australia.)
ps and also? brilliantly written. just so you know.
nic´s last blog post..introspection and stuff.
by nic on May 29, 2009 at 3:21 pm. #
I can’t wait to hear details!
“I don’t think I’ll ever be the Mom-Who-Seems-to-do-it-All. But I’m okay with that now.” Ditto. Lately I have just been trying to focus on the things I am doing right with the kids, and that makes me a better mother overall.
Enjoy your company!
(And is there any way for your new template to remember our contact info? Or is that something I need to do on my end?)
An Ordinarky Mom´s last blog post..This and That
by An Ordinarky Mom on May 29, 2009 at 9:06 pm. #
Sometimes I serious get paralyzed when I have so much to do at home. I hope you have a great visit with your in-laws. And best of luck understanding who you are in the whole stay-at-home-mom thing. It really can be tough.
Kazzy´s last blog post..on loan
by Kazzy on May 29, 2009 at 10:54 pm. #
I’m waiting for details, too! I think ALL of us have these feelings at some point or another. My coping mechanism for the disaster-that-is-often-my-house? Either accept it as it is and stop stressing or do something about it. Some days I do one, other days the other.
Amber’s Crazy Bloggin’ Canuck´s last blog post..When fathers wax sentimental about their "children"
by Amber's Crazy Bloggin' Canuck on May 30, 2009 at 8:11 pm. #
So, Although I wrote the longest comment on organizing housekeeping in you last blog post on this topic, I totally related to the actual reality of your life. Often I will wake up and just decide to read today. Regardless if anything gets accomplished in my house or life. Hmmm. I’m learning activities I could get away with as a teenager do not work so well as an adult. I’m slowly, slowly learning to put the book down. That should become my mantra. PUT THE BOOK DOWN!
So good for you! (Plus I think the Mom who does all right is the best place to be. My sister has a saying that women with perfect homes are boring. I’d like to believe that one.)
Thora´s last blog post..Saga IX – Thora Is Stupid. And Also Gets No Sleep.
by Thora on May 31, 2009 at 6:40 pm. #
Okay. You are now officially the woman I envy/hate/feel intimidated by, etc. Except for the hate part, because I could never hate you. But you know what I mean.
Can’t wait for the details. Heaven knows I could use some help around here…
Brillig´s last blog post..Just don’t scream…
by Brillig on May 31, 2009 at 11:16 pm. #
It is always nice to find a place that you are happy with yourself! I’m not there with my house, but I am some days!
Tirzah´s last blog post..I Do This All the Time!
by Tirzah on June 1, 2009 at 9:54 am. #
You’re just plain awesome, no matter what kind of mom you are. I SO understand this post.
by Your Name on June 1, 2009 at 12:55 pm. #
Do you know how much I heart you my lovely. I can’t imagine ever being the perfect mum. I think it’s impossible, but as long as I’m the mUm who does ok and whose kids know they are loved, then I’m good with that. You are the mum who never gives up and who is far too hard on herself. And it looks gorgeous here, and the blogger who sent you that email you mentioned in the post above but one, she is mean. I would throw stuff at her.
And I’m mentioning all this now as I forgot to earlier and I will forget again as I have a brain like a sieve. x
Jo Beaufoix´s last blog post..You might hate me after you read this
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