I have trouble letting things go. It’s something I’ve always known about myself, but as life progresses, that fact is thrown into sharper relief. Because it affects me more and more as the years go by. I still cherish ill feelings against the girls who extorted cookies from me in exchange for “friendship” all those many years ago. My self-esteem still suffers because of the many cruel jibes directed at me in my high school years.[...]
Archive for June, 2009
I didn’t used to be so honest. Hard to believe, I know, since I seem to have mastered the art of being honest to the point of making people squirm like an octopus in its death throes.
I often receive comments and emails praising me for how “real” I am, and while these give me a lovely little ego-stroke, they also make me feel a bit awkward and even fake. Because I’ve never once mentioned WHY I’m so blatantly[...]
I haven’t got anything to say, really. Nothing witty, nothing profound. Life has been too full to leave much time for the deep rambling thoughts I so often indulge in.
There has been far, far too much cake around here. Emma saying in her overly loud voice, “What a great surprise!” over and over again as she took in the sight of the balloons and streamers, the birthday cake and cupcakes, the presents, the friends, the[...]
A tribute to my daughter Emma, on the occasion of her fifth birthday.
June 20th, 2009.
There is something in the way your eyes dance that makes my heart ache. Sometimes with love. Sometimes with envy. Everything in you is bubbly and alive. You bounce. You gleam. You spin. Words are nothing but an underline to the action adventure story that is your life, and what little dialogue you engage in is brief and fleeting.
Always[...]
I’m really insufferable sometimes. No really, I am. When I’m miserable getting me to talk is as difficult as forming macrame-like creations out of wet noodles, but when I’m happy? Good luck getting me to shut up about it. I burble, babble, gibble, and gab. I sometimes even bounce.
It’s very disturbing.
The worst of it is the advice dispensing. I am an advice dispensing MACHINE. And we all know how annoying the advice givers[...]
Becca: I love you Mommy!
Me: I love you bigger!
Becca: I love you best!
Me: I love you more than chocolate!
Becca: Wow! That’s a lot! Well…I love you more than syrup!
Me: (trying not to laugh) That’s a lot!
Becca: It sure is!
Sweet morning moments . . . ah the joys of not dozing in bed in a semi-stupor instead of getting up with the kids . . .
By nature, I am a soul searcher. And I hate it. It’s exhausting and painful and humbling and sometimes even horrifying. I mean, as far as hobbies go, soul searching can be a bit of a downer. There are things I’d really rather not know about myself. Or at least, that’s how I’m feeling at the moment. I’m sure I’ll be grateful, later on, for all the opportunities for growth and all that. [...]
That was my first thought immediately after I did it. What on earth was I thinking? My chest felt all tight and scratchy and my stomach was flip-flopping the way it does when my body is considering going into full blown panic mode. Yep, I thought, it’s official. I am stark raving mad.
It’s not as if I did it on a whim even. I couldn’t blame it on a momentary lapse in judgment. I[...]
Instead of sitting here and contemplating the weekend just passed with a nice warm glow of contentment, I’m feeling a bit sour. How can the week compare?
How can boring blah weekdays compare to hours of fun with family and friends? Watching the kids play with their new friends, splashing in the kiddie pool and screaming with shock and delight whenever Neil turns the hose on them? Laughing hysterically while the kids put on plays for[...]
I got mocked a lot as a kid. I know most kids do. It seems to be part and parcel with that whole Rite of Passage scene, but seriously, I got mocked a LOT. My hair, my clothes, my shoes, my winter jacket, my skinniness, my backpack, my nose, as well as my keen attitude towards schoolwork and my rather pathetic performances in gym class. All came under the scrutiny of my peers. And they[...]
