Blessed By Tears
by Kym on July 8, 2009
I’m the sort of mum that other mothers envy/hate. This may, at first glance, seem like an exaggeration, but having heard multiple declarations of “I hate you” and “You are SO lucky”, I’m thinking that’s a pretty accurate statement.
None of the happy happenstances in my life earns me as much envy and hatred as the fact that my children go to sleep easily and nearly immediately. We have a pretty formulaic bedtime routine, and the girls have both learned that no strategy on their part will be allowed to cut into Mommy and Daddy’s precious grown up time. We put them down and they stay down.
I probably shouldn’t have put that into writing. Something’s going to go horribly wrong now . . .
Well, something sort of did last night, or at least I thought so at first. Half an hour after bedtime, Becca woke up crying. Puzzled and troubled I crept quietly into her room and knelt beside her bed. Her soft cheeks were wet with tears and she was crying in a quiet, hiccupy fashion. I hugged her, stroked her cheek, kissed her forehead, but she clutched at me and became increasingly upset whenever I made an attempt to leave her side.
Me: “Oh honey, you’re so sad. Do you want more hugs? More kisses? What about your puppy? You can cuddle your puppy till you feel better.
Becca: (Choking back a sob) No! I just want YOU!
This from my fiercely independent three year old who ignores me for hours at a time during the day, content to do everything she possibly can on her own. In that moment she wanted me. Needed me. As my heart melted into a puddle of soppy goo, it hit me so very hard just how much I need her.
This motherhood gig is something I entered into perhaps a little too lightly. It seemed the thing to do. Marry, procreate, raise happy kiddos, then on to the next stage of life. I had no idea how deeply it was possible for me to love, how my role of mother would change me and, better yet, make me yearn to change.
After my experience overhearing Emma’s prayer Saturday night, then this moment of sweet, teary love with Becca, I can’t help thinking I’m meant to be learning something right now. The two events happening so close to each other seems not so much a coincidence as a gift.
14 comments
From the home of one child who takes hours to fall asleep, I do not hate you. But you are blessed in that regard, that’s for sure!
They do teach us. Sometimes it’s easier to take from them. :)
Eowyn´s last blog post..Would I?
by Eowyn on July 8, 2009 at 10:46 am. #
Awww, sweet little Becca. She’s so melty.
Luisa Perkins´s last blog post..Our Summer Thus Far, in Three Parts
by Luisa Perkins on July 8, 2009 at 12:00 pm. #
I had a similar experience last night with my almost 10-year-old–she needed her mom at night. Brought me to tears. It never does get old.
Annette´s last blog post..WNW: Conversational Pause Lengths
by Annette on July 8, 2009 at 1:29 pm. #
I couldn’t hate you. But if I could, I would. :-D
(I sorta want to say, “just wait until the next one’s born,” but maybe you’ll luck out three times in a row?)
Bedtime has become a somewhat easy thing around here. Especially now that Isaac has his own room, which he happily enters and I happily lock, but no one expects him to go right to sleep or anything silly like that.
But Blake was my night terror kid. He would scream with such pain and terror almost every single night. We didn’t learn about night terrors and how to help them and prevent them until after about a year of it.
Nowadays, if someone wakes up crying soon after bedtime, it means that they are about to puke. Which they invariably do. All over ME.
So I’m glad yours just turned out to be a sweet moment with a sweetypie!
Brillig´s last blog post..Oh, The Places I’ve Peed
by Brillig on July 8, 2009 at 2:18 pm. #
Lexi was just like that; Zack was, um, not.
He overplayed this ‘I just want you’ thing when he was small. But looking back at it now, now that he wants to have nonstop sleepovers, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.
Lisa Milton´s last blog post..of death and hamsters
by Lisa Milton on July 8, 2009 at 2:33 pm. #
My kids are great sleepers, too. 7pm every night unless we’re at a party or something. And since they are so good, I’m working on not being annoyed during the few times they do have night issues.
Great thoughts.
Becky´s last blog post..With a little tweaking, I could be happy EVERY day!
by Becky on July 8, 2009 at 3:07 pm. #
My lil’ dudes go to bed pretty well too. We also have a strict bedtime routine and it’s just always had to be that way. No one tells us they hate us (maybe they just think it?)
Those little moments, the “I need YOU!” moments…they’re the one’s I live for. You’re a wonderful mommy, Kim. You’re learning from them and they’re learning so much from you. I learn from you every post how to be a better mommy and human being. Thank you, Kim.
L.T. Elliot´s last blog post..Oh, My Dulcet Tones!
by L.T. Elliot on July 8, 2009 at 10:32 pm. #
So does that mean if I send Grasshopper to you that he will learn to sleep well? Our best has been six hours. But this week? Every two hours. Oh. My. Goodness. I am so tired. If he would stay asleep when I put him down at night, I think I would cry out of sheer joy and delight.
It’s a good thing you are so very lovable, because it’s impossible to hate you, even if your kiddos do make this sleep deprived redhead a little envious.
And now really, do you want to start a sleep school for tots? Really. I’ll pay full tuition. ;)
Inkling´s last blog post..Today
by Inkling on July 8, 2009 at 10:42 pm. #
Aww, how sweet.
I feel like entered motherhood lightly as well. But I just love it and have grown so much, being a mom.
Summer´s last blog post..A Story – First Chapter
by Summer on July 9, 2009 at 5:18 am. #
So sweet, Kim.. Treasure all of those up.
I think most of us enter motherhood lightly because it is the next thing on the “list”. As I get older; however, I do appreciate all of the nuances and things I have learned from my experiences.
Let’s hope you really DIDN’T jinx things! :)
Kazzy´s last blog post..from kenya to peru
by Kazzy on July 9, 2009 at 6:16 am. #
Good sleepers are such a gift–as is being wanted :-) Gosh, where did this lump in my throat come from?
Josi´s last blog post..CONTEST!
by Josi on July 9, 2009 at 8:47 am. #
As one who’s had a sick daughter all week, and felt both the burden and blessing of being constantly wanted, I feel you. And like you, I know there’s a deep lesson in it.
Stephanie´s last blog post..The difference two years can make
by Stephanie on July 10, 2009 at 11:24 am. #
Aww, I want to cuddle her all up. How precious.
Jaina´s last blog post..I’m Still Here
by Jaina on July 10, 2009 at 1:56 pm. #
Yeah, you probably shouldn’t have put that into writing :) !! But I am glad you shared and I am glad you were there to comfort her like only a mother can.
An Ordinary Mom´s last blog post..My Baby Is One
by An Ordinary Mom on July 14, 2009 at 7:59 pm. #