Judge ye not? « Temporary? Insanity

Judge ye not?

by Kym on July 27, 2009

criticism Once upon a time ago I was on my way to a picnic. Instead of keenly anticipating a relaxing afternoon of food and fun, I was rehearsing conversations in my head. This is something I do often, being of a neurotic temperament and all, but the tendency crops up even more often when I’m nervous. And I was very nervous indeed.

You see, on the list of possible picnic attendees was a woman who, while generally a good sort of person who cared a great deal about people, tended to care about them by pointing out ways in which they could be better. Yup. Criticism seemed to be her life’s blood and the worst of it was that I don’t think she had any idea she did it. She saw a problem, she strove to correct it. There was no malice in her, but the effect she had on the people around her tended to be a largely negative one.

She scared the life out of me.

There’s nothing quite like meeting someone who verbalizes the little whispers of self-doubt that constantly nag at the back of the mind. For me, she was a source of constant worry and fear. Every encounter with her left me feeling less somehow, and also angry at her (for being so unkind) and at myself (for letting her affect me that way).

I came to love her in time as I grew to understand her better, but that’s another story centering on a different topic altogether. What got me thinking about her yesterday I’m not sure. I just found myself sitting in church and thinking about how hard she worked trying to correct others, and how little she worked on her own faults (which like us all, were not few). A thought popped into my head, and it struck me as worth sharing.

Perfection is difficult to achieve. How much more difficult if we spend our time striving for the perfection of others rather than for ourselves? – Me

My religious beliefs include a striving for perfection. As disciples of Christ we seek to follow his example and have that change of heart that comes with true conversion. I don’t believe that perfection is attainable in this life, or that it is supposed to be. But I do believe that striving towards it is a large part of our purpose on this earth. I can think of no better use of my time on earth than to emulate my Savior while here.

So on Sunday, as I thought about this woman who I had known once upon a time, I thought…how sad for her. How much more of a struggle that striving for personal perfection must have been for her. And then I laughed a little inside as I reflected that I had sat there criticizing her in my mind for however many minutes! Just as her own personal progress in this life is hampered by her efforts to scold and criticize those around her into being better, so are mine by my criticism of her.

Dang but this life is tricky sometimes.

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27 comments

Gosh darn it! This judgmental thing seems to be cropping up a lot of late.

And the things we judge each other for.

“She can’t possibly like me!”
“She should totally change that!”
“He’s a jerk for doing that!”

Oi. I’m just as guilty as you. I think we shall strive to be better.

And, the fact that you are recognizing it is huge!

by Eowyn on July 27, 2009 at 8:22 am. #

I LOVE your quote! It’s perfect. So very true. I try to tell myself I’m not very judgmental, but I KNOW I am. And I hate it. That should probably be the first thing to go so it’ll be easier to work on all the other stuff!

by LisAway on July 27, 2009 at 8:35 am. #

Here’s what I hate about me: I’m way, way critical of my kids – in a “You Know You Can Do Better” manner. At what point do I really ever say, “Well Done, You”? It’s something I push myself to do more often, because I want them to be, you know, better than I am.

But I want them to be okay, too.

Mostly I want them to be happy. It’s a process, right? And what isn’t?

by Becca on July 27, 2009 at 9:30 am. #

Oh, I’m so guilty of this one too. The time I spend wanting to improve other people could be far more effective directed toward my own faults

by Josi on July 27, 2009 at 9:31 am. #

This woman, sounds like my Mom.

by David J. West on July 27, 2009 at 9:50 am. #

This very topic has been on my mind of late too. Thanks for expressing it so well. You helped me think through it more clearly as a result.

by Inkling on July 27, 2009 at 9:57 am. #

I love it when you quote yourself. :-D

Yeah, this is so me. Criticizing someone for being critical. But I love that you caught yourself! I would just go on being critical of the critical. haha. Yes, this life is TRICKY!

by Brillig on July 27, 2009 at 11:40 am. #

I have a little trick that I like to use when I find myself being critical of someone (including myself). I make myself find 5 absolutely FABULOUS things about the person in question.
I should do that more often . . . thanks for the reminder! :)

by Kate on July 27, 2009 at 11:43 am. #

That’s a DEEP quote and I like it!

by Melanie J on July 27, 2009 at 12:07 pm. #

(This is somewhat related, kind of.) I can’t stand it when I tell my husband that I hate judgmental people, and of course I am being judgmental myself by saying that. But then he says it is our job to be judgmental, although “judgmental” is not really the word; it is more like discerning who someone is so you can determine if they are someone you could learn something from or someone who could tear you down.

It seems like the little lessons are constantly teaching us how to strive for perfection. It just depends on how we take that information in and use it.

by Erin on July 27, 2009 at 1:18 pm. #

Amen. Life is tricky. When I first moved into the house I live now, there was one woman at church that drove me nuts. I guess God decided I needed a bit of humbling because I was asked to help her. We’ve been through crises, tragedies, and her child’s brain cancer together and now she’s one of my best friends. Lesson learned, let me tell you!

by Jaime Theler on July 27, 2009 at 1:23 pm. #

This is definitely a topic I have been turning around in my head recently…mostly the fact that judging others for judging others is judging and it’s all one nasty cycle…

Well put, though, Kym!

by Nancy on July 27, 2009 at 1:34 pm. #

a well timed post, my friend. I seem to need frequent reminding of this. Oh, to be half so good as you!

by L.T. Elliot on July 27, 2009 at 2:03 pm. #

Who wouldn’t be scared to spend time with someone like that? It is so cute that you would rehearse conversations in your head. I think I may do that, but I never realized that until you mentioned it. We are so ready to fail sometimes, aren’t we? It is so nice to work as a group in our hunt for perfection. I agree that the reaching is the goal, not necessarily the attaining. Thanks so much.

by Kazzy on July 27, 2009 at 8:30 pm. #

So true. We simply don’t have TIME to fix other people when we’ve got so much self-repair to work on. If we spent half as much time developing a relationship with the savior as we did worrying about what others say and do, we’d be so much more content and whole.

by Stephanie on July 28, 2009 at 4:53 am. #

Hey friend, I have been here very recently myself-I have a cousin who is like this and I play through in my mind how I am going to react to her little comments and what little barb I might get in to say back-which drives me nuts becuase I would never normally be like that but feel pushed to respond in kind. But the worst is that she is critisizing my kids-*sigh* and we all know how mother bearish that makes us lol! Thanks for the good reminder and I love your quote!
Have a blessed day!

by Erin on July 28, 2009 at 8:28 am. #

Criticism never helps, only destroys. Its only function is elevate one’s self-image over another.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Christ never took that road.

by Bickmo on July 28, 2009 at 8:30 am. #

Well put, Kim!

by Even Odder on July 28, 2009 at 9:21 am. #

I can see that we will soon need a sequel to your quote book. Good one, lady.

by Luisa Perkins on July 28, 2009 at 1:25 pm. #

I so often have to remind me of how much grace judgmental people need. I’m not very good at giving it to them, and have to catch myself being judgmental of the judgmental all too often.

I just love you to pieces.

by Heather of the EO on July 28, 2009 at 4:17 pm. #

This is an excellent reminder Kym!

by Summer on July 28, 2009 at 6:51 pm. #

Perfection is difficult to achieve. How much more difficult if we spend our time striving for the perfection of others rather than for ourselves
You do not need to end this sentence with a question mark.
An excellent statement

by ArneA on July 29, 2009 at 12:28 am. #

Ah yes, we all have a Corrections Officer in our life, don’t we? Congrats on POTD mention from David…
Sandi

by Sandi McBride on July 29, 2009 at 4:07 am. #

*note: this comment is totally unrelated to the above blog post:*

seriously girl…I am going to miss you sooooo much!! and then yesterday…that beautiful piece you are working on?!! it took all of my will power not to burst into tears (of happiness/thankfulness…) but here at home I’m just letting it flow.?

you are such a wonderful friend Kim…I want to pack you up and take you with me…lets be pen pals always, k?…real pen pals who use pens and paper and send each other little bits of loveliness just because.

by Jenn on July 29, 2009 at 7:49 am. #