Presently, I Shall Embrace the Present
by Kym on July 31, 2009
This quote from Kurt Vonnegut got me thinking. Much has changed for me in the past year or so. I don’t live in the past reliving bittersweet memories the way I used to. Oh, I visit the past from time to time, but it has grown blurrier. Fuzzy. I’ve let go of the sharp and cutting crispness of those memories and let them fade as they should. I turned then to the future, to the hope and wonder of it. I’ve slowly been unlocking my self-awareness to the point that I can see (dimly) the shadows of what might yet be.
The present though. Ah the present. That’s the hardest place to live. This here and now. This tricky place where all hurts still hurt because no time has passed yet. Everything is so very, very real. It’s no wonder we build up defenses against it. Time wasters and methods of mind distraction. I think of hours spent playing and wasting, the important work of the day left undone in the pursuit of the simple, easy, and painless.
Not so painless though. I find the longer I avoid the reality of my existence, the more energetically it recoils back at me. Life as an elastic band, stretching and stretching till snap and ow and oh-so-lucky-not-to-have-lost-a-metaphorical-eye. I have become an avoider of reality. A delayer. A procrastinator. I see the future, yes. I see what I might, could maybe do. I think about it. Dream about it. Wish over it. And then find that I have sped past those future shadows and suddenly it is now again, and also, too late.
But it is never too soon. To ignore those future shadows for a time. To embrace the reality of the now and live in it. My brain hurts from trying to understand where I’m lacking…how to change. Alas, though writing crystallizes the thought process, reality was never found in front of a computer monitor…
12 comments
I haven’t “known” you long enough to know about some of these things that you are letting fade away, but I am getting to know you now, and it has been fun.
I think pregnancy is such a strong faith-builder. We literally think to the future all day long (and all night as we get farther along and are hopping up to go to the bathroom umpteen times a night).
Thanks for this thoughtful and beautiful post.
by Kazzy on July 31, 2009 at 5:34 am. #
Kim, you are great. That’s really all I want to say about that, except this: Having someone to help embrace the present is a great blessing. Sometimes I have to look into the eyes of one of my own, and say, “Wow. I’m glad you’re with me right now. Isn’t this fun?” And sometimes, I mean it.
by Becca on July 31, 2009 at 6:34 am. #
Living in the now has always been a hard thing for me. I’m too much of a “what if” or “might have been” kind of gal. I day dream and obviously spend too much time on the computer. But I don’t know what I’m hiding from… sigh. Guess I should figure that out, eh?
by Melissa on July 31, 2009 at 7:46 am. #
That could have been my post written by me, except that I would have said the exact same thing in a completely different way.
Hmm. I wonder if that made sense?
by Eowyn on July 31, 2009 at 9:41 am. #
We’re just trading experiences, today, aren’t we? This post is so true of you, Kim. You’re like a flower unfurling beneath the sun. What a beautiful, beautiful bloom you are. *hugs*
by L.T. Elliot on July 31, 2009 at 10:27 am. #
the vonnegut quote is new to me, and i’m loving it. and also this quote, by someone just as eloquent:
And then find that I have sped past those future shadows and suddenly it is now again, and also, too late.
oh, how many times i have done that very thing. i am a bonafide expert at the dreaming and the reminiscing, but the being mindful and present? such a slippery thing.
by nic on July 31, 2009 at 10:46 am. #
I’m definitely trying to embrace the present more, too. Very thought-provoking.
by Melanie J on July 31, 2009 at 10:52 am. #
Did you know your comment box automatically de-capitalizes any capitalization? How weird.
by Melanie J on July 31, 2009 at 10:53 am. #
Blogs really are therapeutic and I commend you for consistently using yours to improve yourself. How inspiring you are!
by Amber on August 2, 2009 at 5:48 am. #
My daughter just came up and saw that I was at a place called temporary insanity. She informed me that there was nothing temporary about my insanity. I loved your post. You are truly inspiring.
by julie wright on August 2, 2009 at 4:56 pm. #
What a perfect title. And omg, I find myself collecting snippets of your writing lately to mull over, this post is no exception. Beautiful.
Also, LOL to Julie Wright’s comment from her daughter. Too funny.
by Jaina on August 11, 2009 at 1:15 pm. #
i really and truly am trying to embrace my present.
by An Ordinary Mom on August 24, 2009 at 1:21 pm. #