Dear Old Lady in the Peach Slacks and Black Van Halen T-Shirt,
Honey, I just about ran you over. I know we’re a small town and people here make a habit of NOT running people over, because we’re so nice and small-town-Canadian like that. But when you step off the curb directly in front of a car, that isn’t so much jay walking as it is wishing for death. Crossing over into your seventh decade does not make you immune to the old school rule – look both ways!
So so glad not to have killed you today. Kisses!
Kim
Dear Jerk in the Deli Line Up,
That nice old man whose face was scrunched up in a wry youth-today-what-can-you-do? expression was totally in line before you and you KNEW it. And when you laughed with your buddy about it I seriously wanted to tell you off, but instead I just scowled at the back of your head then gave the old man a commiserating smile. Because I’m cowardly like that.
I don’t really believe in karma, per se, but I sure hope it exists so your bad karma can mess with that smirk you had on your face.
May you live to be old and decrepit and taken advantage of someday!
Cheers,
Kim
Dear Photo Shop who received my order July 22nd,
People. It’s been nearly a month. You haven’t returned my messages. And you charge seven cents more per photo than Costco does. I gave you my business because you’re local and I’m awesome like that, but you’ve totally lost it.
Toodles!
Kim
p.s. If you call to tell me my order is ready, you know, ever, I apologize in advance for talking to you as if you have the comprehension level of a two year old.
Dear Kim,
Buying pizza pretzels when you’re pregnant and chronically hungry AND they have about 400 calories each? Not one of your brightest moves. Eat an apple and love yourself tomorrow instead, m’kay?
Love you (you know, sometimes, when you’re not being a complete twit),
Kim
p.s. The danishes were a really bad idea too.
Dear Readers,
Please scroll down for more book reviews. Or, if you’re sick of them, don’t!
Mwah!
Kim
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23 Comments
So, they don’t run over people in Canada, huh? That’s unfortunate.
I love writing letters like that!
Oh, but I do think we believe in karma:
Alma 41:15 “For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored.” MMM hm.
have you been reading my diary?
Way to get over that fear of confrontation! These are hilarious.
Love these letters! Thanks for the laugh!
Love it!! seriously!! I think I might have to join you in the “Letters from…” department. what a great idea!
give your hubby a hug for me..he was with another patient when I left so I didn’t get to…..super sweet and generous…I am full of gratitude. (and will be coming in for my new reading glasses next week)
love, love! (how many times can one say love in one comment?)
loved this!!! laughed my head off! great post :))) people are ridiculous!!!
Thanks for the laugh, lady! I needed it today.
LOL! I need to start writing myself letters like this. It would help me make sense of my neurosis.
I love you. Have I told you that lately?
Woo hoo! This looks like fun! I will be writing away at church tomorrow, and you can take the credit…
Have been meaning to come over here since the Storymakers conference, but it took Luisa’s challenge to push me over the edge.
Funny. And yes, I’m a chicken liver too. Maybe I’ll post a few letters of my own some day.
I love these letters. The jerk in the deli line definitely deserves some bad karma. Is it wrong for me to think bad thoughts about him? Maybe so, since it’s Sunday…hmmm…I’ll put that on my list for tomorrow :)
I hope you are feeling better about yourself today. (food-wise)
One of my guilty pleasures is this form of writing that I see in blogs every now and then. These letters always make me laugh, and yours were especially good. You smarty pants! And I hate the deli jerk too.
Oooh, with all the bad thoughts aimed at the deli jerk, he’s in for a very bad day.
Loved this and I’m so stealing the idea!
I wish I had the guts to stand up to the jerks of the world too… I always wonder what makes people behave that way? What is so wrong in his world that he felt the need to do something so obnoxious??
OOOOH, I like it when you’re snarky :) These were so much fun to read, I admit. Please do more in the future ;)
I love this post. the image of the old lady in the valen Halen shirt and peach pants…priceless! I hate to say it, but I laughed! What kind of horrible person laughs at a thing like that? Oh and the photo order -good god!
Funny post Kimberly. You’re a funny lady.
Haha, I love posts with letters like this! They’re my favorite. I particularly like the ps on the letter to yourself. :)
Oh. Mygosh. I so want to be friends with the old lady with a van halen t-shirt. hahahahahaha.
Sorry about the jerk.
Mmmmmmmm…. pizza.
hahaha!!! i needed that right now. i was in such a bad mood until i read those. now i want to write my own…perhaps that will snap me out of it :) xoxo
i’ve missed reading your blog…
dear kim,
ohmygoodygoodness i love you, my almost-birthday girl! and speaking of almost-birthday-ness, i have not yet mailed you anything at all, so whatever it is i am sending you? ’twill be late.
:(
je regrette,
late in mid-america
Happy Birthday! I’m a little late, but I think it made it on time on facebook :) I love reading about your ideosychracies it makes me feel more normal. We are a lot alike, except I LOVE KETCHUP!!! I also walk around the house naked (I hope this is what you were referreing too) Mainly because my laundry is two floors down from the shower and I too am lazy, too lazy to get a robe. :)