I took the bus to my ultrasound appointment this morning. The girl sitting next to me smelled like noodles and I don’t know why, but that realization had me dangerously close to giggling. And now I want to write a novel in the first person point of view just so the first line can be, “The girl sitting next to me smells like noodles.” I mean, come on, if you read that your curiousity would be totally revved up, right?
So I saw[...]
Archive for October, 2009
Yesterday was a happy, happy day. The sort of day where the cheek muscles ache at the end of it because of all the grinning that has gone on. And a funny sort of fuzzy warmth suffuses the insides, radiating out from some indefinable origin. I wanted to share that feeling and when I found this quote this morning it seemed like a good way. Because that warm and happy feeling can be captured in words, you know. That’s one[...]
This is my I’m-such-dork-to-be-taking-pictures-of-myself face. Neil hates using the camera though and I’m realizing it’s about time I put self-consciousness aside so that, you know, if I die young or something I won’t disappear entirely. I’m going to keep practicing so that maybe I can manage to smile instead of grimace…after all, if my family is going to look back at pictures of me I want them to be SAD I’m gone, not mildly relieved…
This is my tummy at 34[...]
I cannot stop wondering who you will be. Once here, you will spend much of your life asking yourself that same question (if you’re anything like your soul searching mama anyway). As I await your arrival my mind is bursting with such questions. Some are simple and mundane. What colour will your hair and eyes be? Will you be worryingly thin like Emma was or full of dimples and rolls like Becca? Will your[...]
Thanks for the sweet comments today. I felt almost guilty while reading them because I already felt so much better, just for having put everything into words. That’s how my mind (sort of) works. It’s like the words pin down the negative emotions somewhere outside of myself and suddenly I can breathe again. I can see that, rational or irrational, the odds of everything I fear actually happening are pretty dang small.
And really, there’s a lot[...]
I’m really scared right now. Not exactly a shock. In a world where everything I try my hand at seems to come off mediocre, fear is an area where I really shine. I’d go so far as to say I’m good at being afraid. That’s probably why it’s become my fall back emotion. It’s the natural and the familiar for me. I’ve begun to fight that, I honestly have. I’m aware and I’m[...]
Have you ever paused to think about what a miracle it is? Not only to exist, but to exist so well? To be a person who chooses, every day after day after day, to live and be? To love and laugh, to hurt and weep, to struggle and to soar, to remember and be remembered, to fear and ache and yearn. And then, the very next day, to do it all over again?
What a[...]
Normally I don’t write much about the day to day aspects of my life. I write when I feel like I have something to say. When something is weighing on my mind or I’m feeling contemplative or even passionate about something. Not that everything I write about is serious of course. Silly moods seize me from time to time and I make a conscious effort to show different aspects of myself here. I like to think that[...]
The weekend was all kinds of lovely. Until the last two hours or so. Hours that involved tears, snatching, shrieking, sobbing, and worryingly blank looking expressions whenever the word “share” was mentioned. Three days. Four little girls aged five and under. It’s amazing it took that long for all semblance of sanity to break down.
Really though, the little girls behaved better than I have today. I have been in a full blown pout. [...]
The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies;
but let the thankful heart
sweep through the day and,
as the magnet finds the iron,
so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
~Henry Ward Beecher
Happy (Canadian) Thanksgiving!
