Temporary? Insanity

Normally I don’t write much about the day to day aspects of my life. I write when I feel like I have something to say. When something is weighing on my mind or I’m feeling contemplative or even passionate about something. Not that everything I write about is serious of course. Silly moods seize me from time to time and I make a conscious effort to show different aspects of myself here. I like to think that if someone were insane enough to sit and read my blog all in one go that they would know me pretty darn well afterwards.

Still, quite a bit gets left out and today I feel like filling in the gaps a bit. A little warning? This is likely to be very, very boring indeed. Feel free to skip this one.

1) Right this very moment I am a phlegm machine. Visiting with my girls last week was such a gift, but alas, they were germ ridden little girls (Emma was sick for half the visit).
2) I haven’t written about my visit with my girls because I just can’t find words for it. It stretched my heart and it hurt my heart and it warmed my heart. The best part was seeing how they need me still and feeling them snuggling up against me again. The worst part was seeing how they need me still, and knowing how quickly the days would pass between their arrival and when they would have to leave again.
3) I’ve realized that kids are not love camels. They can’t store it up during the good times and draw upon that store during lean times. They need love daily, moment to moment, and there’s only so much I can give them from this distance. It hurts, knowing that.
4) I saw my OB yesterday and I have two more weeks before I go into hospital. I’m at 32 weeks, am being hospitalized for “monitoring” at 34 weeks, will have the amnio to check baby’s lung development at 36 weeks, and if Claira’s lungs are developed will have a c-section at 36 weeks…37 weeks if her lungs need more time.
5) My OB is the master of not answering questions, and yet doing so in a friendly and charming way so I just can’t get miffed. He wouldn’t say why he’s bringing me in to hospital at 34 weeks, but I’ve gathered from online research that the closer I get to the end, the more risk of things going critical.
6) I haven’t bled since the intial bleed that landed me in this situation. The OB is quite surprised by this, as is the neo-natal specialist. I’m definitely not following the text book pattern. He keeps telling me to expect to start bleeding at any time now, that it becomes more and more likely the bigger Claira gets. Most common time to bleed is first thing in the morning. I’m pleasantly surprised every morning that I wake up NOT in a pool of blood. Oi.
7) On the plus side, some of my bed rest restrictions have been lifted. Claira has got to a good size and my OB doesn’t think strict bed rest will prevent what he considers inevitable. So I can get up and go for short walks and move about a bit more. Best aspect of this? I can go shopping! I thought Neil might see this as being bad news, but he’s just glad to have one less thing on his To Do list. Not being able to go shopping and get ready for Claira’s arrival has been more than a little vexing for me and I’m so grateful to have the opportunity.
8) My mum made several dozen cookies last night. Double Chocolate. Snicker Doodles. Chocolate Chip Pecan. Ginger Snaps. And I? Had ONE. Funnily enough I’m finding it easier to cut back on sweets than I thought I would. Cutting back on bread products has proven much trickier. I think I’m looking forward to not having to count carbs nearly as much as I’m looking forward to meeting Claira!
9) Tomorrow, assuming I can breathe by then (darn phlegm), I go to the diabetes clinic to learn about finger pricking and nutrition and other such things. It seems a bit silly to learn how to manage a condition I’ll only have for a few more weeks, but I think it’ll be a good kick in the rear for me. If I don’t work to get into better health then I will become diabetic in the near future. I want to stave that off as long as possible and I’m hoping the clinic tomorrow will help.
10) The furniture in our house is being rearranged in my absence. This is wonderful because I’ve been really wanting these changes to take place and Neil has been hesitant. It’s horrible because rearranging furniture brings me GREAT joy and I can’t be there to be a part of it. Still, mostly I’m thrilled. Our house is one three levels. The upper floor has a ginormous room we’ve been using as a master bedroom, the main floor has two neighbouring bedrooms (one large one, one on the smaller side), and the basement has another bedroom that we use as a guest room. So we’re moving our master bedroom to the main floor, putting the girls together in the large room upstairs, and turning the small main floor room into Claira’s room. It’s a huge change to be making, but it makes a lot of sense for a lot of reasons and I’m really hoping it works.
11) I’m hoping it works because I had to talk Neil into it and wonderful man that he is he has a tendency to look quite smug when he’s proven right.
12) I really need to stop watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I get so soppy over this show. But I love watching people help other people. It reminds me of how much good there still is in this world.
13) I get to go to church on Sunday! This is a great source of joy…except…well, I’m a bit lacking in Sunday gear. For some reason Neil keeps forgetting to bring my shoes when he comes to visit and I only have one pair here. Is it vain to want to go shoe shopping so I don’t wear brown Sketchers to church? Heck, I don’t even like shoe shopping!

So that’s it. The mundane day to day stuff. I think I’ll have a nap now.