Mommy Milk
by Kym on November 16, 2009
Claira was born starving hungry. Holding her slight weight against us in the hospital, we could feel the wiggling of her tummy and hear the deep rumbling bubbly sounds of her cavernous innards. While she’s a champion nurser she just can’t get enough into her stomach before she falls asleep and as a result has to nurse almost constantly to stay contented.
And so I pump. And so there is bottle paraphenelia everywhere. And so I feel horribly, horribly defensive. Like I have to explain to everyone who chances to see that it’s not MY fault. That she nurses for comfort only and that the bottle is necessary. That the bottles are full of MY milk and I’m working hard to stay ahead of her needs so that there is always Mommy Milk waiting for her when she needs it. So she can fill her tummy and sleep for 2-3 hours at a time instead of 2-3 minutes.
I need to stop taking myself so dang seriously though. I need to learn serenity. To smile quietly and let the defensive feelings go. To just be and have that be enough.
It matters what people think. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t. But the people whose opinions truly matter, they are the ones who know, who tolerate and understand. Everyone else? Well, let them assume. Let them judge. My baby girl has a full tummy and that is enough. And in the wee hours of the night when she wants something more, I’m able to give her that too. The skin to skin closeness of mother and child that is such a gift. Such a joy.
I wanted so desperately to banish the bottle this time round, but for now at least, that isn’t to be. What is to be is sweetness. The sort that requires NO apology.
34 comments
Oh, look at that face! So sweet! I have been off the internet pretty much for a week and look what I missed! I love this post, btw, you said it all so well!
by Heidi Ashworth on November 16, 2009 at 3:28 pm. #
She looks like you Kim! Precious little video. Love the big sisters, little mothers. :)
by Elaine on November 16, 2009 at 3:52 pm. #
What a cute little video!!! Your girls are so adorable :) They obviously love their little sister. And I really admire mothers who pump full time to feed their babies, that shows a lot of dedication and love.
by Kara on November 16, 2009 at 4:14 pm. #
I so don’t understand how why the judging behind breastfeeding. It’s sop ridiculous. Has lack of breastfeeding been linked to prostitution or serial killing?
by Kristina P. on November 16, 2009 at 4:17 pm. #
I pumped for 8 months with Grant because he’s a lazy nurser. He got mama’s milk and all was well. But I learned there are some benefits to a baby that takes a bottle. I made peace with it and moved on. I’ll be delighted if my little girl nurses, but I’m fine doing it the other way. Your baby is gorgeous, btw!
by Melanie J on November 16, 2009 at 4:19 pm. #
Oooh. Your kids are so stinking cute. Ooh. don’t worry about what people say about breastfeeding. You are doing a FINE job and coping just fine. I hope you are holding up well. Wow! You are a trooper for sure Kim. thanks for the video of your sweet kids!
by Alexes on November 16, 2009 at 5:57 pm. #
She is just beautiful!! I’m so happy for you guys. Pooh to anyone who says anything. What do they know anyway.
by Tonya on November 16, 2009 at 7:16 pm. #
Joshua was a sleepy nurser and wasn’t gaining weight and the doctor insisted I supplement with formula. I remember going through a roller coaster of emotions that were amplified by postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation, trying not to feel like a failure (even though I was still nursing). Nobody had even said anything, or likely even thought anything of it, seeing the bottles — but I was my own worst critic.
I think pumping requires so much dedication — it seems like twice the time commitment, which is unreal when they are nursing so often at this young age — and so I give you mega-kudos. You’re a great mom, who is both feeding and bonding with her child, and yes — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Also: she is just precious!!
by Beth on November 16, 2009 at 7:59 pm. #
Pumping is a nightmare. The fact that you’re even attempting it means that you are made of awesome.
by Sue on November 16, 2009 at 9:21 pm. #
She is simply beautiful and too sweet for words. (I love the, “It’s not my job, right?”)
by Mrs. Organic on November 16, 2009 at 9:31 pm. #
People are too crazy about the nursing vs. bottle thing! Here’s what I know… you do what you have to do to keep your baby healthy and happy! When Little Bug was 4 months old I had a kidney stone. They put me on an antibiotic that dried up my milk. There were people who understood and others, without having all the facts, decided that I wasn’t being a good mom. At the time it frustrated me. Looking back on it – I laugh. Laugh it off!! They will never know all of your story…
by Melissa on November 16, 2009 at 9:42 pm. #
She’s gorgeous, Kim. All your girls are gorgeous and I love how they’re just gathered around talking to her and offering her bottle. What sweet, sweet girls you have.
Don’t worry about pumping. I’m proud of you for being able to do any of it. My dudes were never able to breastfeed at all (no strength) so pumping was a way of life. You’re an excellent mommy. I’m very, very proud of you. *hugs* Congrats on you new bundle of love.
by L.T. Elliot on November 16, 2009 at 9:43 pm. #
I’ll be darned if those are not the cutest three little girls! Now I want one.
And I love the “I am holding her gentle” comment. Someone is getting trained. :)
by Kazzy on November 16, 2009 at 10:58 pm. #
What a sweet baby and sweet sweet family you have!
About the pumping: Do what you need to do as a new mama all over again. No apologies, no explanation needed here. You are indeed, blessed.
by Terresa Wellborn on November 16, 2009 at 11:01 pm. #
She is so adorable! And if you and Claira are happy with the way things are going: pfrt to the rest of the world!
by Mara on November 17, 2009 at 2:52 am. #
Someday we’ll have a face-to-face conversation about this, and how very personal all the public scrutiny feels. Until then, here’s a hug.
by Becca on November 17, 2009 at 7:25 am. #
You are doing a great job! She is beautiful!! I hear ya about the felling defensive though. Just more mother quilt..even when it is not derserved. Part of life I’m afraid.
by warmchocmilk on November 17, 2009 at 12:31 pm. #
I’m pumping these days because my son would rather take his bottle while he’s playing than sit on my lap to nurse. Emma’s comment about chocolate milk cracked me up….I usually tell Jonathan that he needs to drink my milk all up because if he stays for the hind milk it turns into chocolate. Not like he understands, but anything to get him to eat these days!
You are an awesome mommy, and I know that firsthand from watching you with your girls. Mommy milk that’s been pumped and all. Yes, you are an incredible mommy!
by Sara/ Inkling on November 17, 2009 at 5:21 pm. #
Just remember…nursing your baby is a personal thing. Babies have minds of their own too. If she’s not getting enough through nursing, it’s perfectly fine to get enough into her by pumping. Anybody who says anything (or thinks it) otherwise is a busybody. Don’t pay them any mind. Claira is your baby, not anyone else. I’m so excited for you!! You finally got your baby #3! And you’re both healthy and strong…that’s ALL that matters.
Love you!
Dawn
by Dawn on November 17, 2009 at 6:39 pm. #
Oh, I love how they say “Want some mommy milk?” So cute! Your girls are gorgeous!
I had to pump with my first and felt just as guilty as you describe. It is tough to have so much on your plate. Most of your guilty feelings surely must derive from post-pregnancy blues. You are amazing!
I am so glad that you posted something, I at least know you are alive. I hope you are recovering well!
by Ambrosia on November 17, 2009 at 6:52 pm. #
Oh that video made me giggle. All three of your girls are so cute!
Ok, so I had to do the same thing with Sassy. As soon as the milk started flowing, she would fall asleep. I pumped and nursed for the first 5 weeks and we gradually transitioned over to just breast. And hey, if you don’t get there by then, or by ever, it will be ok. She’ll be just as smart and beautiful and healthy if she’s formula fed or fed breast milk just from a bottle. :)
by Summer on November 17, 2009 at 7:09 pm. #
No one should ever judge a new mother. You are doing the right thing!
by Luisa Perkins on November 18, 2009 at 2:22 am. #
Oh, she’s so gorgeous! Congratulations to you all. :)
by Karita on November 18, 2009 at 8:49 am. #
Look at her rooting around, so precious!!! And the big sisters are just as precious, oh my goodness what helpers!
I hear you on the bottle thing. I’d be explaining too. I’m working so hard to NOT CARE what people think. It’s slowly coming and doesn’t it feel so GOOD to let it go?
by Heather of the EO on November 18, 2009 at 10:52 am. #
If it makes you feel any better, I was bottle fed with formula and I’m still an intelligent, witty, urbane, quality individual!
;P
She’s beautiful and the chocolate milk comment cracked me up!
by Eowyn on November 18, 2009 at 11:07 am. #
Kim, you just send anyone who gives you even the slightest problem to me and I’ll set them straight. ;) There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with pumping for Claira!!! Nothing. Don’t you dare for one minute let someone make you think there is. You are an amazing mother my friend, enjoy this beautiful time.
by Jaina on November 18, 2009 at 11:42 am. #
Totally hit post too early. I LOVE this video and can’t wait to watch it later with sound. Your girls are all so beautiful and sweet.
by Jaina on November 18, 2009 at 11:43 am. #
I have a HUGE amount of respect for any woman who pumps. I just DO NOT like it, so none of my kids have ever really taken a bottle at all. I didn’t have too much trouble (I love nursing and my schedule has always made it possible to do), but there were definitely times I wished they’d take a bottle (like when I hadn’t gone to the temple for months and months because Evie wouldn’t take one). Really, they never would take juice or anything from a bottle at all. I sure hope this one’s a good nurser, too or I don’t know what I’ll do.
Those are three EXTREMELY cute little girls! Oh my goodness. They’re such good helpers, too. Love their voices and that sweet little Claira is unbearable.
I think of you a lot, Kim. When my boy is kicking around like CRAZY I think about how you’re not feeling that anymore! And soon I won’t be either. It’s all so strange and crazy and wonderful (and a little sad, if you’re sentimental, like me). She’s so beautiful! You’re doing a great job! Keep it up!
by LisAway on November 18, 2009 at 12:29 pm. #
All three of your girls are just adorable and so sweet! And Emma and Becca clearly love their baby sister.
As for the pumping/nursing/bottle thing, I say good for you! Do what works best for you and your daughter.
by Erin on November 18, 2009 at 6:11 pm. #
I haven’t been by in a while and I was so happy to see your pics of your sweet baby! She’s adorable!! *gushing*
Do not feel defensive. I had the worst time breastfeeding and spent the first 2 weeks of my babies’ lives in tears. I’d read books, call lactation specialists, and try everything and it didn’t work. I even pumped, but discovered that the problem was my baby was starving. With kidlet #3 I pumped and fed it to her for 6 months. We supplemented with formula but it saved my sanity. If we go for kidlet #4 I won’t even bother.
A less-stressed mommy with a bottle is way better than a constantly-crying, slightly insane mommy without a bottle. Trust me.
by Jaime Theler on November 20, 2009 at 4:30 pm. #
Your girls are all so precious! How sweet!
I am supplementing this time. Didn’t start until 3 months, but it’s necessary. I’ve taken the herbs, done everything but I decided that the stress wasn’t worth it. I still nurse Bean all hours of the day, but with the addition of 2-4 ounces of formula per day he actually gets full. He apparently has the metabolism Professor did as a baby.
“It’s not chocolate milk, it’s Mommy Milk.” Haha, so adorable!
by Rebecca on November 21, 2009 at 10:24 am. #
It’s so hard not to take criticism personally. I supplemented with formula with all three of my boys because they were born starving and I simply couldn’t produce enough milk, even with all the alfalfa and all the other stuff I was told to take. You do what you’ve got to do for that baby, and just kick everyone else out if they raise an eyebrow.
by Tristi Pinkston on November 22, 2009 at 9:14 pm. #
That video made me smile and cry! All of their voices together are just so incredibly sweet! Congrats on 3 beautiful girls, hon.
by tracey on November 23, 2009 at 7:21 pm. #
Why must people even pass judgment in the first place?! You are Claira’s mother and you know her best, so people just need to give it a rest. Each relationship with each child is so unique. I make LOADS of breast milk, but I almost gave up on nursing Little Eli because I was in tears for almost the first few months because he just didn’t nurse well. He had a good latch, he was just super lazy. Talk about frustration.
Did you breastfeed or bottle feed or do a combination of both with your other two?
“I need to learn serenity. To smile quietly and let the defensive feelings go. To just be and have that be enough.” Sigh … I think this will be a lesson I will try to be learning my entire life.
by An Ordinary Mom on December 2, 2009 at 2:50 pm. #