Patience
by Kym on November 20, 2009
Life is surreal right now. I am home but not home. Mother to my children again and yet limited in my ability to mother them. I keep struggling to do all that I was yearning to do during my time away from home and family, but there are not enough hours, not enough energy, not enough reprieve from pain.
I can oh so humbly admit to having some virtues, but patience is certainly not one of them!
There are sweet moments mingled in with the frustration. Claira’s sweet squishy face, her sleep smiles and the funny little coos and sighs that accompany her waking. Preparing a meal for my family. Ah, the simple joy of making scrambled eggs or grilled cheese! Of whipping up a dish of instant mashed potatoes and smelling the sweet honeyed scent of BBQ chicken in the oven. Dishes done. Counters scrubbed. Papers sorted. Responsibilities that were once onerous and heavy seem so light now. I strive to fulfill them instead of avoiding them.
But a few nights ago I was retching over the toilet, battling the fiery pain in my abdomen with tears streaming down my face. It is far too easy to do too much right now.
There are more important things than meals and dishes. Than clear counters and a muchly tidied home. There are children to love and contentment to enjoy. Cuddles and other ways to give time that for so long I haven’t been able to give.
On Tuesday I watched as Emma shared her new little sister with her Kindergarten class. Oh how proud she was, and how lovingly she stroked Claira’s hair and cheeks. It reminds me of just how much I can accomplish as I convalesce and heal. I can love my family. I can teach my children to love.
It is worth learning patience in pursuit of that.
26 comments
Wonderful post Kim. I’m so glad you are back with your family. You will get your system going, I know you will :) LOVE the picture of Emma holding Claira, this is so precious. I hope your stomach is healing and I hope that you are feeling better!! Have a wonderful weekend my friend!
by Jaina on November 20, 2009 at 11:55 am. #
I hope you feel back to normal very soon! Adorable picture!
by Kristina P. on November 20, 2009 at 11:55 am. #
You’ll get there soon. Just rest for now.
Love you to pieces, and I cannot wait to see your kids again.
by Eowyn on November 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm. #
Hey, it looks so festive over here! Also, yes. Just rest. A friend can come do your dishes and scrub your bathrooms. Only you can be the mama your girls need. Allow (even *gasp* ask) someone to help you with the house-parts. The home-parts are all yours. XO
by Becca on November 20, 2009 at 1:35 pm. #
You do so much for so many. I’m sorry for the limitations but remember to revel in your many, many successes. I’m so proud of you, Kim. You’re an amazing mommy, a great wife, and a superb friend.
by L.T. Elliot on November 20, 2009 at 2:51 pm. #
I hope you are feeling stronger soon. Enjoy that sweet baby and enjoy the things you CAN do, and know that there will be time for the rest later. Times and Seasons my dear…
by Heffalump on November 20, 2009 at 3:42 pm. #
I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain. I did the c-section thing but maybe I was lucky in that it wasn’t too bad, especially after a couple of weeks. I felt so much better and stronger every day … of course, I didn’t do bedrest (which I hear can make it harder to recover). So I hope you’re feeling better, and soon.
Glad you are savoring the moments, even the “mundane.” Inspiring post; thanks! :-)
by Beth on November 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm. #
Give yourself a break, dear. Really.
by Stephanie on November 20, 2009 at 5:08 pm. #
I have to work on my patience every single day. Always a work in progress. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. A bug or part of the healing process?
by Tonya on November 20, 2009 at 7:27 pm. #
Oh. Sweet picture. I love the new design on your blog. Hey, Guess what? I got josi Kilpack and Julie Wright’s autograph today. so excited.
I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain. This too shall pass. At least you have your little ones to cherish. :)
by Cluttered Brain on November 20, 2009 at 7:28 pm. #
sister-love is a beautiful thing. and once again, you have spot-on perspective with this tricky balancing act known as life. go hug those sweet girls of yours (and neil, too)…and besides, clean counters do not hug back very well.
xo.
by nic on November 20, 2009 at 7:52 pm. #
I love that photo!
Life only gets better from here.
by Luisa Perkins on November 21, 2009 at 8:13 am. #
Darling girl… SIT DOWN!! Remember when I said something along the lines of… “The more you rest, the faster you will heal”?? :) DO IT!!
Love the picture! And patience is something that I think most people in this world are working on :)
by Melissa on November 21, 2009 at 8:45 am. #
It is hard. I didn’t have to leave my family like you did, not on strict bedrest like you were, but the depression and the enforced rest combined with the challenge of controlling the diabetes there at the end really got to me.
I didn’t have a c-section like you did (OUCH!), but this little guy destroyed my back. Come January I’ll be able to go see the chiropractor again.
It will get better, trust me. It was so wonderful being somewhat back to “normal” after a baby is born, but you don’t really get back to the normal of before. You have to find a “new” normal.
Bean is 3.5 months old and I’m only now starting to feel like things are getting brighter and looking up. He has to be held nearly ALL the time, right now he’s balancing on my crossed leg and the couch as I reach over him to type as he’s scratching my arm as he reaches for it. He is a little dear, a sweetheart, but he requires nearly all I have to give all of the time!
Like the others say, patience, my dear. It will get better. Rest. Don’t set your holiday expectations high. Remember that in a typical day with a baby, getting anything else done besides caring for said baby is a bonus and worth celebrating! Love you!
by Rebecca on November 21, 2009 at 10:19 am. #
Lovely thoughts, the tug of war between being a Martha & a Mary.
Rest. Rest. And rest some more. There will always be time to clean and run and sprint. Take care of yourself and then rest some more.
PS: Enjoying your new blog look. Almost thought I was on the wrong blog for a sec. It is bold and fun!!
by Terresa Wellborn on November 21, 2009 at 10:19 am. #
…”Home but not home.” I know exactly what you mean. If I were there, I’d love to be your cleaning fairy (those details are minor, but nice when one doesn’t have to think about them).
by Mrs. Organic on November 21, 2009 at 1:47 pm. #
Plenty of fairies doing all of my usual jobs around here . . . as much as it pains me to “rest”, I know it’s necessary, too. Hang in there. You are loved!
by InkMom on November 21, 2009 at 5:44 pm. #
I can somewhat relate. I had to have my appendix out when I was 6-months pregnant with my first. It hurt so bad that I promised myself I would do my best to avoid a C-Section. Even having you describe throwing up makes me cringe.
I am still easing into full motherhood. My daughter wants to run and play, while I just want to sleep. Sometimes I look at my kitchen and living room and want to cry. Keeping it clean is so hard.
I have learned to let little things slide. It is so rough, but I try. If I could, I would fly out and help you!
P.S. I am still cringing. (Shudder)
by Ambrosia on November 21, 2009 at 6:26 pm. #
Relax into that new job of mothering your three little girls. Once Spring rolls around and the baby is a little less fragile, and you can go out for walks, etc., you will be feeling stronger and you will love it!
I am so sorry about the retching. That’s awful.
by Kazzy on November 22, 2009 at 10:37 am. #
slow down mama!! I know, really I do, how enticing it is to get up and “get stuff done”…there’s a whole different kind of satisfaction to visible productivity. BUT…healing is more important. (this is me slapping your wrist and sending you to bed, lol) I actually need to take this advice myself. We’re in a similar boat you and I. Our minds are rarein’ to go but our bodies are not quite there. The key thing we both need to remember is that the more we relax, heal, snuggle the kids etc now, the soon er we’ll be back to our “old selves”. me…not so good at the whole patience thing either. ((sigh))
much love lady!
by Jenn on November 22, 2009 at 3:03 pm. #
nice new blog by the way!
by Jenn on November 22, 2009 at 3:04 pm. #
Patience!! Yes!! Please don’t overdo. You’ve just been through a lot of stress, physical and emotional, and you’re not in a hurry. Slow down, allow yourself time to heal.
by Tristi Pinkston on November 22, 2009 at 9:12 pm. #
It’s been a while since I peeked at your blog, and here you have a wee new face to share! She is adorable, and I love her name. Congratulations.
by Cathy Witbeck on November 23, 2009 at 9:05 am. #
I am so glad things went well for Claira’s birth (well, besides the spinal problem). I love hearing birth stories. She’s beautiful.
by Erin on November 23, 2009 at 3:19 pm. #
That is such a sweet picture!
Keep going Km. You can do it!
by Summer on November 24, 2009 at 5:34 am. #
Patience … a virtue I am still trying to conquer. I hope you are on the mend!
by An Ordinary Mom on December 2, 2009 at 2:52 pm. #