802 Posts. 15,750 Comments. Three and a Half Years of Free Therapy, Giggles, Deep Introspection, and Friendships that Have Affected Me in Ways Innumberable.
What a ride.
I’m using it to hide though. Not in the way I did when I first started, when blogging consumed so many of my waking hours that there seemed to be time for little else. I’ve found a better balance since then. I no longer post daily. I no longer read a hundred blogs a day. There isn’t the sense of urgency and obligation there once was. It is a calm and quiet place, this world of words and friendships forged in the midst of it all.
I’m keeping those friendships. Whatever else changes, I’m keeping the real ones.
I don’t think I’ll ever quit entirely. I owe too much of who I am becoming to this place beyond the keyboard and screen. To the sweet support of dear friends and the catharsis that writing out my hopes and my all too many fears has gifted me with. My old self is now an object of pity rather than bitterness and regret, and my new self is someone I eagerly anticipate. My current self? I even like her some days, and those who know me well know what a big, big deal that is.
The only thing I am sure of, today in this moment, is that you will see less of me in the New Year. There are parts of my life that I am still not truly living. I am a would-be hermit. A hibernator. But I am not so fond of the alone and the dark as I used to be. I need time to claw my way out of my shell, as it were. Time to live and be. Time to write, not just blog posts, but pages and chapters and novels. My mind is full of the rattling of Idea seeds needing to be planted.
I have loved pouring my heart out here, and watching the lives of dear friends unfold on my screen, but my heart needs to be poured elsewhere now. It has been kept safe and nurtured here in my little corner of the internet…now, it’s time to risk it. To be vulnerable in ways I can’t be here.
I’ll be back some time in the New Year, and I’ll look around here and remark on how dusty and cobwebbed the old place has become in my absence. And I’ll smile a little, and post a little, and read a little. But hopefully it won’t quite feel like home. Just a nice place to visit from time to time. Hopefully my life, the real actuality of it, will have become home to me.
I know I’m being too vague to make much sense. I suppose I’m saying a farewell of sorts. Not to blogging, I think I will always blog. But to a life where blogging meant too much and took too much and even gave too much.
When I return from my sabbatical, I expect I will be giddy. Full of tales of life outside my comfort zone and glimpses of completed chapters and novels in embryo.
See you on the other side of the New Year, my dear friends. I love the confidence I feel, knowing that true friendship survives brief absences. Some of my readers will slip away (such a lovely time of year to do so!), but others of you will be here when I return. I just love knowing that. The me who began this journey three and a half years ago would have doubted and been afraid. Would have thought to lose you all.
I love not being her anymore.
Leaving you with a montage of near nauseating cuteness…Merry Christmas, my friends.
Love,
Kim
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Be well. Find yourself out there. Be what you can be!
Love you!
This is a great time of year for introspection and finding the desire to better ourselves. Good luck to you! I look forward to reading the updates!
Thanks again for all the help you have given me.
Take care of yourself, Kim. I’m glad you connected during the past couple of months.
Good for you for doing what you need to do! I’ll see you around!
I consider you my friend, and even if I don’t get to meet up with you quite as often in this space, I’ll think of you and say prayers that you’re doing well and conquering all things KIM. :)
Peace and joy to you,
Heather
I have been on an unofficial break. I haven’t blogged for almost 2 months now… I think I kind of know where you’re coming from!
I’m glad you won’t be gone forever! It will be good to see you in blog land :)
And your girls? DARLING!! Love the pictures :)
Oh… and one more thing… you never did tell me what you thought of The Hunger Games… maybe you blogged about it, but I’m so behind… and honestly? Probably won’t really get caught up…
As you know, I kind of did the same thing without the announcement. It pretty much just happened. And though I update my Facebook page regularly, it doesn’t take up nearly as much time as blogging did.
Some of my blogging friends are there (like you!) and it makes me so happy to see them. I just don’t have the energy for blogging anymore which is why I’ve stepped back from the whole thing. Since my little bean was born, I am generally typing with one hand which does not lend itself well to blog posts.
So, I’ll stop rambling to say that I so completely understand. I’m glad we can keep in touch other ways.
Love you!
Just watched…so beautiful! Emma looks a lot like her lovely mother!
You can’t get rid of me that easily :) !!
All jests aside, I totally and completely understand the emotion behind this post. I am so glad we are able to connect through other ways, though. Here’s to a very Merry Christmas to you and a wonderful new year and decade :) !!
You know, I’m not panicking. I know you’ll be here–even if that means slightly less often–and I know that when you are, it’ll be a happier, MORE KIM version of Kim, if that makes sense.
See you soon. :)
I’m happy that you’re filling in your skin so well. I’ll see you around, I’m sure. :)
I got your Christmas card today! It was a good part of my day.
I get your need to fill up on other things. If there had been blogging when I was home with my babies I would have spent a lot of time doing it because it would have been easily accessible and a great outlet (which it is now, but in real moderation).
I admire you and think your introspection and humility have taught me a lot over the months we have been acquainted here. I look forward to future interaction. Have a blessed Christmas and a hopeful New Year.
Warm thoughts and wishes.
Dear friend, way to do what you need to do. I will be here… whenever you are! XO
Adorable card, beautiful family. Merry Christmas. Here’s wishing you a new year full of abundance– an overflow of all things important.
You’ll be ever tucked away in my reader, so – I’ll see you when I see you :) Merry Christmas you…
I liked your pictures; such a beautiful family.
Good luck in the pursuit of other things, and I’ll be seeing you on Google Reader when you do post next. :-)
I know people will be sad, but it’s a happy, happy day when you are so engaged in your life that you turn more towards it. I’m sure this has to do with your beautiful baby! I hope we can stay in contact somehow, and I’ll certainly try to get in touch next time I’m travelling to Vancouver!
I wish you luck in getting all your thoughts turned into a fabulous novel! I am glad I got to meet you last year at LDStorymaker’s…
I understand your feelings, but crap woman – I am going to miss reading you. A lot.
What a darling baby, enjoy her. Love to you.
Ummm hello…so I was about to send off all the Christmas cards with this years as well as last years pics when I realized I don’t have your address…could you pretty please email it to me-pretty please with a cherry on top! THANKS bunches!
Merry Christmas!
I’d worry but I wouldn’t. You see, I truly believe–with all of my heart–that this friendship between you and me is a rare, beautiful, tangible thing that can’t fade. I know how to stalk you, even if you do give up your blog. And I’d stalk you. You reached through and found my heart, Kim. I don’t open up well but I do with you because you see me. And I see you. And I love you so.
Happy Holidays, friend. Love you so.
Well I’ll be here always.
I want to laugh. I want to cry. I want to eat a pound of chocolate.
This is a bittersweet end and even sweeter beginning.
See you on the flip side and hopefully in Provo later this spring. I’m still pulling for you to make it, baby & all!
PS: Loved the Christmas card and picture. I had thought maybe you’d forgotten, didn’t have the time, didn’t care. I was wrong.
I love you, dear Kim.
You go, girl! We’ll keep in touch.
I LOVE THAT BABY!
Of course, I’ll miss you dearly, but I’ll be interested to hear all about your adventures in real life every now and then. Kisses to the girls!
I loved seeing your pictures. Although I am not a blogger myself, I will enjoy reading your updates on the occasions that you post. I still make your garlic cheddar biscuits and think of you.
yes. and yes again. my heart applauds yours, my sweet friend.
i envision many full, delightful days ahead of you. live well.
blog farewells are totally understandable. I am glad to know you Kim, and am glad to know how to continue contacting you. Be well. Be happy. And know you are immensely loved.
My first trip back into my reader feels like it should be somber, but I cannot be sad. The hope and happiness in your post lifts my spirit, I am happy for you my friend. I am so thankful that you are not abandoning your blog entirely. I understand not posting everyday, it’s exhausting! I never manage to keep it up (even though I’m sometimes determined to try) Thank you for sharing that beautiful smile box card with us, the pictures were beautiful. Emma and Becca are looking so lovely and grown up, and of course Claira is just so cute I just want to squeeze her (gently, of course) You look absolutely beautiful in those photos as well, I especially love the picture of your short hair cut ;) Super chic. :)
Best of luck on the writing. I would love to proof read for you anytime you need. I believe you have my email, let me know if you need it. I can’t wait to read more, you completely have me hooked and I love reading and giving feedback. :) Have a wonderful 2010, and I will “see” you as you are here. :)