Letters from Kim – #4
by Kym on December 18, 2009
Dear Garage,
It was particularly spiteful of you to clip the side view mirror like that yesterday. Just because I invade you on a daily basis and briefly fill you with noxious fumes is no reason to get nasty! I tattled on you but Neil has refused my request to have you hazed to the ground. Apparently I overestimated the power of my womanly wiles. He claims to believe it was my fault, but I know the truth. It’s all about the deep masculine bond between a man and his garage, isn’t it?
I am so on to you. He’s mine, you foul construction!
With plans to humiliate you with pink paint in the spring,
One of your owners (Yeah, I own you!).
p.s. It’s not like I really need that mirror anyway. The car has two. It’s like how the human body has a spare kidney just in case, right?
Dear Christmas Card Recipients,
I forgot to write a Christmas letter. And before you forgive me on account of my having a new baby and all, let’s just be clear on the fact that my absentmindedness mingled with procrastinatory tendencies was long established before I entered the fuzzy-brained world of motherhood.
Love,
She Who Conveniently Forgets to do Things She Didn’t Want to Make Time for Anyway
p.s. It probably would’ve been boring.
p.p.s. Maybe I’ll email you one.
p.p.p.s. Or post it on my blog so it’s your fault if you didn’t get it.
Dear Becca,
It was such a pleasant surprise when you forgave me for being gone for nearly three months. I thought you would hold a grudge, I really did. Having thought that makes every hug and kiss all the sweeter. But nothing trumps listening to you pray to your Heavenly Father and say “Thank you dat all our fam-bily could come home.” You’re still saying that, even a full month later.
It also touched my heart when you yelled for Mommy in the middle of the night for the first time last night. That said, you can start calling Daddy again. Really. I don’t mind.
Love you more than chocolate!
Mommy
Dear Clinic Staff,
You’re all fabulous and we appreciate you hugely. This, I believe, is the reasoning behind hosting a Staff Christmas Party for you. The reason it is being held in our home? Because your boss, my husband, is a sweet well meaning sort of guy who nonetheless seems to thrive on taxing the mental stability of his wife.
Please know that my respect and gratitude are in no way reflected by the cleanliness of my home.
Apologetically,
The Boss’ Wife
p.s. Don’t look under the sink.
p.p.s. Or the couch.
p.p.p.s. Or under anything, really.
Dear Kim,
Get off the couch!
Toodles,
You
16 comments
Love it! And I promise not to look under anything. . .
Miss you!
by Eowyn on December 18, 2009 at 12:57 pm. #
Yes, two mirrors just in case. That’s how I like to see it. (Don’t ask how many mirrors I have knocked off…)
You don’t have to get off the couch. You are a new mum, this is a perfect excuse! One that I use ever day. Maybe that’s why my house is a complete wreck. Oh, well. I have a bout of procrastination. Maybe it will go away soon. Maybe.
by Ambrosia on December 18, 2009 at 1:22 pm. #
I haven’t broekn off my mirror in a long time. It probably helps that I haven’t had a garage in a long time.
by Kristina P. on December 18, 2009 at 1:30 pm. #
No, Kim, stay ON the couch! You’re a new mother. Remember the best advice I ever got: Every time you pass your unmade bed, get in it and pull up the covers.
by Luisa Perkins on December 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm. #
Kim, you crack me up. The garage letter was just loaded with hilarity! Paint it pink…ha ha ha!
That’s so sweet of Becca. I love the letter you wrote her. What a good mommy you are.
Best wishes with the party and you remember to take care of you!! *hugs*
by L.T. Elliot on December 18, 2009 at 1:56 pm. #
Spare parts = anything that might fall off while we drive. Including doors. Great letters. Fun for me!
by Becca on December 18, 2009 at 2:05 pm. #
I have a word or two to say to the nasty wall that jumped up and bit my bumper when I was backing out the other day. For rude!
Becca is such a sweetie. And so are you for hosting a party so soon.
by Mrs. Organic on December 18, 2009 at 8:08 pm. #
Pink paint? Oh, that sounds delightful!
PS: The couch is my friend, too.
by Terresa Wellborn on December 18, 2009 at 10:31 pm. #
Dear Kim,
you’re delightful.
Merry Christmas.
by Stephanie on December 19, 2009 at 7:07 am. #
I turn into paranoid clean freak lady when I am having company, but I find that when I go to other peoples’ homes I enjoy their casual, comfy space. Why can’t I allow that for myself? Sheesh
I am sure you were the perfect hostess.
I hope that your garage gets the intensity of your pink threat. It seriously would be hilarious to turn that man space into a sewing/ crafting/ girl space, huh?
by Kazzy on December 19, 2009 at 7:36 am. #
Dear Kim,
I didn’t write Christmas cards either. If I were you, I would TOTALLY use the new baby alibi. I have nothin’.
Amber
by Amber on December 20, 2009 at 6:30 am. #
I was impressed that you wrote my name, a sentiment and signed the card! That is better than I did! Maybe next year I will actually sign my cards by hand. I figure, since this is the first time in almost 14 years of marriage that I have actually sent out cards, I am doing pretty good!
by Heffalump on December 20, 2009 at 7:45 pm. #
This is where I meant to leave the comment about the nice collection of letters. Sorry.
by warmchocmilk on December 21, 2009 at 8:15 am. #
I understand the garage thing all too well. What sort of vendetta does it have against us anyway?
The fact that you thought about doing CHristmas cards is one step ahead of me! I agree – blog it and then it’s up to us to read it :)
by Erin on December 21, 2009 at 9:21 am. #
You’re taking a break, and here I just found you. Oh, well, timing is everything, right?
Best wishes to you.
by Devon Ellington on December 22, 2009 at 9:55 am. #
The garage must be in on it with the walls and doors that like to jump out at me. I swear, they are out to get me. They have taken over the mission of my sophomore roomie’s red pillow that always tried to take me out in the middle of the room.
by Jaina on January 5, 2010 at 1:39 pm. #