Taking Turns
by Kym on December 6, 2009
We are taking turns, you and I. It is a tricky duet. We have found a precarious balance between your part and mine. Here a little, there a little. First I sleep, then you. It keeps us sane. Helps us cope. And I can feel grateful for the pattern our life’s music has assumed.
And yet, like the oh so human human being that I am, I am discontented. I miss you. I miss you in the afternoon when I watch the funny new movie you will watch in the evening. I miss you as I hear your laughter climb up the stairwell and leak under the bedroom door even as sleep also begins to find me. I miss the we-ness of us. The melding of our parts. The duet. The harmonizing. The way we could laugh off each other’s falterings, or offer sweet comfort in the stillness of the time that was ours.
It seems that there is no time that is ours that we do not steal from our sleep and our sanity. But can I not steal just a little bit? A few precious moments from the when and the now and the was and the will be? A few moments to be us. To stop taking turns and take a turn together.
It would be worth bleary eyes and aching yawns to be us again, I think. And suddenly I know that I will stay awake a wee little bit later, and stir myself from sleep a wee little bit earlier. To share some time. To be a couple again.
My dearest. It has been far, far too long.
19 comments
I hope you get that chance again soon!
by Kristina P. on December 6, 2009 at 2:15 pm. #
Isn’t this the perpetual dance of marriage? Those stolen, extra moments that add up to “We”? I’m proud of you, Kim. Finding those times when there’s so little time, that’s love.
by L.T. Elliot on December 6, 2009 at 2:27 pm. #
The passing of the baton, the high five when one person takes over for another, the brushing of shoulders as you pass to take your turn…
Just not enough, huh? The loss of connection is hard! I hope you get that time soon!
by Heather of the EO on December 6, 2009 at 2:36 pm. #
ahh. I hope you and Claira get some sleep soon!
I also wish you and your family a very merry christmas this season!
by Cluttered Brain on December 6, 2009 at 2:47 pm. #
beautiful post . . . almost too lovely, too sacred to be shared . . . may you and Neil find that time for one-ness that you long for very soon!
by Kate on December 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm. #
Beautiful. You described marriage like poetry. And when you think of it, it is.
by Terresa Wellborn on December 6, 2009 at 3:53 pm. #
This made me smile. I’ve been there.
by Heffalump on December 6, 2009 at 8:06 pm. #
Finding the “we-ness” often amounts to stealing little moments from a very busy day. The sleepless nights, the 3 kids, so many different demands on your time.
Above all, you just want to sleep. The exhaustion of new babies can be so debilitating. For both spouses.
Mr. B and I often talk late into the night because it is the only time we are focused on each other. Without the computer. Without the babies. Without the noise of the world.
I am finding out how to balance 2 kids, while putting our marriage first. It is rough.
This description helps me to keep trying.
You are wonderful.
by Ambrosia on December 6, 2009 at 9:07 pm. #
Oh, you captured this perfectly. I have been trying to enjoy every minute, especially in the evenings when the kids are in bed, that I can cuddle up with Greg. Except I don’t really want to cuddle. And, really I can’t get comfortable anyway. Ugh. But I know what’s coming and I hate missing those moments. But I also remember when things settle down and you slowly start sharing more time together. And then your kids are big and you have all the time you want. It’s just hard during those months you don’t have it.
by LisAway on December 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm. #
You do have a way of capturing an emotional moment, don’t you? It’s hard. You’re right. But worth it to make it happen, isn’t it? XO, friend.
by Becca on December 7, 2009 at 5:04 am. #
I live for the “we-ness”. I sort of forgot that it will be on hold for a few months when the new little one shows up. I guess I need to remember that the couple of hours we have every night to just relax with each other is a gift and not take it for granted.
by Melanie J on December 7, 2009 at 8:49 am. #
See, now here I am crying because mine just left for a week.
Pleagh!
I love you and give him a hug for me.
by Eowyn on December 7, 2009 at 8:52 am. #
k..now you’ve got me all weepy again!! I soo understand this..the longing…the balance..the time and moments that somehow, so quickly become weeks. like doing some kind of intricate dance..partnered but not touching…the audience sees the ach…the longing between both..the almost visible energy. but the time…ahh, the time,, blends and passes. the moment will come, unpredictable and breathtaking…grace.
beautiful
xo
by Jenn on December 7, 2009 at 1:24 pm. #
Oh yes. I remember this aspect of having a baby. And I don’t look forward to it yet again. Sigh.
by Erin on December 7, 2009 at 3:35 pm. #
Beautifully written! I feel like R and I have been sidestepping for the past while and we need to be able to be in sync at least for a little while. Our marriage and our sanity needs it. Hmmm … maybe that will be our gift to each other this season … time spent together without the kidlets. I hope you guys get some time, too!
by An Ordinary Mom on December 7, 2009 at 4:22 pm. #
Yes, we actually schedule time to spend together. Friday nights are sacred, and we try to have another night or morning where we ignore everything else. It matters so much. I hope you can work your schedule out soon.
Beautiful post, my poet friend.
by Kazzy on December 7, 2009 at 7:21 pm. #
I hope you are able to finally sync your schedules again and keep (most) your sanity at the same time.
by Jaina on December 8, 2009 at 5:46 pm. #
You will get it back, I promise! I have been there.
by Luisa Perkins on December 9, 2009 at 12:15 pm. #
So lovely, so true! I remember the day I remembered that my husband and I were negotiating everything, not doing anything together at all. Sometimes it is necessary but sometimes it isn’t. We have really worked on that. One good thing about my youngest baby was that born, my husband wasn’t working. The three of us spent a whole lot of time sleeping together in the same bed. It was just about the only thing we did together for a long time but it was something. (Not that I’m recommending Neil quit his job to pursue we-ness, however.)
by Heidi Ashworth on December 11, 2009 at 12:34 pm. #