Happiness – Just CHOOSE it Already!
by Kym on January 28, 2010
Some days, I feel like my ability to be happy has been taken away from me. There’s the classic wrong-side-of-the-bed syndrome, one-or-all-of-my-kids-is-being-a-brat-itis, the-scale-is-evil-and-WRONG-but-I’m-going-to-cry-anyway-osis, and all other manner of happiness robbing happenstances.
Yesterday was such a day. I fought it, and I fought hard. I tried to remain sweet and loving with my children, for Becca the birthday girls’ sake, but just shy of 5pm I sent them up to play in their room so I could have a good cry.
Claira was miserable most of the day, even outright inconsolable at times. I’ve given up milk, cheese, ice cream, yogurt, peanut butter, and broccoli, and yet whenever she has more of my milk the screaming begins. We’d previously ruled out chocolate, but maybe she’s just developing a sensitivity to it now. Or garlic. I’ve been eating a lot of garlic lately. And I don’t know why but that was the proverbial straw, watching her cry and thinking it might have been something I had done. That a choice of mine was hurting her like that. I just cried and cried.
And we had company coming over after supper and I couldn’t put her down. Couldn’t make supper. Couldn’t finish cleaning up. Couldn’t set the table and have everything nice and special for Becca. Couldn’t put up the streamers sitting in a grocery bag on the counter. Couldn’t blow up more balloons (silly to want to do that as Neil and I blew up a hundred of the darn things the night before). And my mind kept dwelling on everything I COULD NOT do.
Neil came home and comforted Claira while I raced about. And everything was fine and lovely and Becca had a fabulous time eating her pancakes piled high with berries and whipping cream. And our sweet neighbours joined us and we laughed and visited and had a grand time.
Then later I felt sick. The sort of sick that reminded me of morning sickness. The sort of sick I’ve been experiencing off and on for the past two weeks. I’ve dismissed it. There’s been tummy bugs going around. Probably just fighting one off. Or maybe it’s just that I’m run down. I’ve been overdoing it and my body is just protesting.
Or maybe…
And I just wanted to cry again.
And throughout the night whenever I woke up I was fighting that sea of nausea in my stomach, and watching the ceiling of our room spin. Dizzy spells while lying down always freak me out (and yes Mum, I tested my blood sugars and they ARE normal, thank heaven!).
I woke up this morning feeling better and also feeling determined to have a FABULOUS day. And as I bustled about this morning getting things done (instead of sitting on the couch moping or playing game after game of online Scrabble to slow down my racing thoughts), I had a sudden realization.
Happiness is a choice. It is not a choice that anyone or anything can take away from us, or even make on our behalf. When bad things happen, the choice is not taken away, it is simply made more difficult.
I had thought that when bad things happen, the choice was gone. I feel sick…the choice is gone. Emma’s being a brat…the choice is gone. My house is a mess…the choice is gone. That’s not true though. The choice is still there. Obscured somewhat? Yes. SO much more difficult? Definitely. But there all the same.
Guess what choice I’m making today? Go on, guess. Let the big ole grin on my face be your first clue…
21 comments
I think learning that happiness really is a choice, and not something that accidentally happens to us, is one of the hardest lessons to learn. I think we sometimes don’t want to learn it. It makes us be more responsible. It forces us to confront how weak we sometimes are.
And yet, when we make that choice, and make it again and again, suddenly we wonder why we ever thought it was a good idea to leave it all up to someone else.
It is a fabulous day.
by Eowyn on January 28, 2010 at 8:30 am. #
I think I needed this today (er, yesterday). You’re right, now if I could just remember it when I need it most.
by Mrs. Organic on January 28, 2010 at 9:22 am. #
Oh, it’s a difficult choice, but as John Bunyan says, it’s the “hard but right way.” Keep exercising your agency muscle, and it will get stronger (but don’t be surprised by the aches in the meantime)!
by Luisa Perkins on January 28, 2010 at 9:43 am. #
I like how you put it, “The choice is still there. Obscured somewhat? Yes.”
I think the demands we put on ourselves, even without meaning to, can weigh on us. I still have trouble balancing, trying for that “super fun birthday” feeling, even on birthdays, and it falling flat. When just being is enough some days. And seeing that we have a choice.
I had the most awful hideous weekend, making the choice in the my mind that my house was a mess and that I could do nothing about it.
Thank goodness for Mondays. I woke up and finally felt “normal” again, human. And still do, today.
(grin)
by Terresa Wellborn on January 28, 2010 at 10:03 am. #
Good wisdom, the kind that cannot come without going through the icky days. Nobody can REALLY teach you that. You have to know about it (like, there IS a choice to make) but you can’t learn to choose it until you’ve already chosen something in opposition.
Then you UnChoose the easy feelings (frustration, hair-tearing, sobbing) and ReChoose the happy ones.
Smiling, over here, see??
by Becca on January 28, 2010 at 10:39 am. #
Great post–and a good reminder. Thanks. (And for more than this post–for the recent listening ear/eyeballs!)
by Annette on January 28, 2010 at 11:25 am. #
I’ve had that same thing happen with each of my three kids. It then makes me feel like a horrible mother that other babies are excited to eat but mine hate it like my milk is making them sick or something. It’s no fun and I totally feel your pain. Have you tried giving her gas drops? I did with my first and they didn’t do any good. I would give them to her when she’d first start screaming and they didn’t work. My second the doctor decided he may have had acid reflux and gave him a prescription…the third she gave me the prescription again, but my sister informed me that I had been giving the gas drops wrong. She said to give them the drops five minutes before you start feeding them rather than after they started screaming. I tried this and it seems to be working. You probably already know/tried all of this, but I thought I’d let you know just in case. :) Good luck!
by Kiera on January 28, 2010 at 12:13 pm. #
I’m still learning how to do this. Even when eight thousand things are screaming “See? How can you be happy?” I’m trying to be happy. It is hard. Stick with it, lady!
by Becky on January 28, 2010 at 12:59 pm. #
I just wanted to say hi real quick, my time is almost up and I didn’t get to read this but I’m going to come back and then comment for real. I love you!!!!
by Abra on January 28, 2010 at 1:45 pm. #
Yes. Happiness is absolutely a choice. But postpartum depression isn’t, and … just be careful? It seems every woman I know who’s suffered with postpartums experienced it after #3. Coincidence – maybe. But still. Just … be careful. Keep your husband aware of the symptoms and let yourself be treated if need be. The earlier, the better.
by That Girl on January 28, 2010 at 1:57 pm. #
That’s the big lesson I’m learning this year, too! :) I’m choosing joy . . . though sometimes I have to choose it every second . . . lol
Here’s to both of us having a very JOYFUL 2010! :)
by Kate on January 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm. #
There you go being sweet and honest again. I think happiness usually is a choice, with the exception of chemical wackiness thrown in for good measure here and there. But I think so many of us don’t track our choices as genuinely as you do. I, for example, wake up and get busy with my day, doing lots of happy and good things, and I forget that somewhere along the road I did choose to be happy today. Thanks for your post!
by Kazzy on January 28, 2010 at 6:56 pm. #
“Happiness is a choice” is one of my guiding principles. I believe that with all my heart. And I’m happier for it. :)
by Melanie J on January 29, 2010 at 9:42 am. #
This is why I love you so much. You take the tough stuff and you turn it into life–happy life. You’re not afraid to feel it, to face it, and then do the seemingly impossible–change it. I’m so proud of you. So grateful TO you.
by L.T. Elliot on January 29, 2010 at 9:46 am. #
Kim, why oh why do we have to live so far apart? I wish we were neighbors. Well…maybe that had a nice expanse of field between, because I am kind of a nut for the countryside. Still, we are so much alike. I see myself in so much of what you write!
Happiness is a choice. Some days it feels like a very, very far away choice. But the days I choose it, I tend to feel better.
by Rebecca on January 29, 2010 at 9:52 am. #
I run a column in my newspaper by one of the members of our local Optimist Club. He is forever saying that… happiness is a choice. After editing his columns for three years, I finally believe it. It’s hard sometimes to make that choice, but I just have to read Charlie’s column, or a post like you just wrote, to help me remember. Thank you.
by VirtualSprite on January 29, 2010 at 6:35 pm. #
That realization is something I relearn on a regular basis. I wish it could just stick with me already.
by Summer on January 29, 2010 at 7:12 pm. #
Such a lovely response to a darn-hard day.
I am much the same way when it comes to patience:
The teenager mouths off and the choice is gone.
I’m running late for (you name it) and the choice is gone.
The youngest one throws a fit and the choice is gone.
Thank you for reminding me I still have a choice.
To be patient
To be happy
To love
by charrette on January 30, 2010 at 12:50 am. #
Oh yes it is. I have a terrible time making the choice some days, but it sure is still true.
I’m sorry about Claira’s tummy and your having to be careful about eating. That happened with Asher and I would just spin in the kitchen, hungry but scared to eat, crying. NOT fun. Makes it hard to be happy…but it WILL pass, of course. One day you’ll hardly remember it. But you knew that already :)
by Heather of the EO on January 30, 2010 at 11:28 am. #
Happiness is indeed a choice and one can be happy in any circumstance in their life. I am realizing that more and more the older I get. I know I have so much to be grateful for. Now I need to show it daily with my smiles and my happiness for the life the Lord has blessed me with!
by An Ordinary Mom on February 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm. #
Just trying to go through all the posts I didn’t read (I refuse to “mark all as read, since I really want to know what has been going on with everyone!) I love this post. The choice is almost NEVER gone. Thanks for that reminder!
by LisAway on February 16, 2010 at 9:34 am. #