Letters from Kim -#6
by Kym on February 9, 2010
Dear Tailgater in the Black SUV,
I don’t do the road rage thing. It’s my low pain threshold I think. White knuckled clenching of the steering wheel hurts and I am all for avoiding pain.
So I pity you. Or maybe just your knuckles because you? Are a jerk.
Tailgating someone for miles and then swerving out past them at the first opportunity with a certain finger raised doesn’t really entitle you to pity. If it weren’t for the gesticulating I could have given you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you were in a rush for a really good reason. Like someone was dying or late for a court date or your ice cream craving was REALLY really bad.
As it is? Dude. Seriously. You are not worth risking my kids’ safety for. You are not worth getting a speeding ticket for. I’m sure you’re worth a lot of things but NOT THOSE.
Sincerely,
The Lady in the Red SUV Who Arched her Eyebrows at You in a Disdainful Fashion
Dear Grocery Store Cashier Whose Name I Finally Remember,
You are the reason I love living in a small town. You light up when you see me and my girls. You talk to them like they’re real people and your smile is always genuine. You remember our names and it makes me giggle a little that you call me Mrs. VanderHorst. Thanks for making me grin.
Cheers!
Mrs. I-Will-So-Bust-a-Gut-if-you-Call-Me-Madam
p.s. You SO deserve a raise.
Dear Inlaws Who Are Arriving In Three Days,
I love you. Really I do. I’m lucky to have inlaws I both like AND love. But oi is the house ever a mess. Normally I’d freak out about this (okay, I probably still will a little bit), but I’m trying not to exhaust myself worrying about things I can’t do anything about.
Today? Was the dentist. And Claira cutting teeth (At 3 months! Mental!) and screaming off and on all afternoon. Tomorrow is shots. Thursday is the annual Doctor’s Dinner that Neil is hosting and the neighbours are babysitting all three girls, including teething Claira (heaven help them). Friday is the kindergarten Valentine’s party that I’m to provide cupcakes for and also the day that you arrive. Saturday is the church children’s Valentine’s activity that I’m hosting and have yet to shop for. Sunday I’m teaching TWO lessons. And this all has to happen when my arms are free of Claira maybe an hour or two a day and that doesn’t guarantee that she’s not crying and/or screaming.
PLUS (why yes, there IS more) the house is still trashed from the great bedroom switcheroo. Gah!
I love you but please, PLEASE don’t judge.
Neurotically,
Your Scatterbrained Daughter-in-Law
p.s. If you point out what I could have done in the time it took to write these letters I just might hurt you…
Dear Life,
Slow down please, I want to get off!
Screamingly,
Kim
Dear Kim,
And you tell people that Emma is a drama queen. Sheesh. Life is good. You’re actually happy despite all that you have on the go, so stop your whining already.
Affectionately Exasperated,
You
15 comments
I love it when you talk to yourself!
by Heffalump on February 9, 2010 at 9:04 pm. #
I love your letters from Kim! And I should write a letter like that to Life.
by L.T. Elliot on February 9, 2010 at 10:20 pm. #
Busy week, much? If you didn’t live so very far away in a totally different country, I’d be there to rearrange closets to conveniently hide all superfluous debris. It’s a gift. XO and good luck.
by Becca on February 10, 2010 at 6:44 am. #
I love your disdainfully arched eyebrows.
by Luisa Perkins on February 10, 2010 at 7:05 am. #
Sounds like you are gonna have a roller coaster kind of a week! Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times and I’m sure you’ll be fine ;)
by Melissa on February 10, 2010 at 8:30 am. #
I love my inlaws too!
by Kristina P. on February 10, 2010 at 8:37 am. #
seriously, these are the bestest:)
by jenn on February 10, 2010 at 8:47 am. #
That is a crazy week! Do you really have to teach two lessons? That sounds like a bit much. Good luck to you!
by Erin on February 10, 2010 at 11:43 am. #
Dear Kim,
I love that you spell “neighbors” with a “U”.
You’re my favo-U-rite northern neighbo-U-r.
Hugs,
DeNae
by DeNae on February 10, 2010 at 9:03 pm. #
Shots, cupcakes, dental visits and inlaws! Yipes! Life, I want off, too! (although, could I take a cupcake or 2 for the journey?)
:)
by Terresa Wellborn on February 10, 2010 at 9:27 pm. #
I’m tired just reading this! But I do so love your letters. :) Your signature for the first one really cracks me up!
by Rebecca on February 10, 2010 at 11:35 pm. #
These are always some of my favorite posts, I love these letters :) Have a great time with your in-laws this weekend!
by Jaina on February 11, 2010 at 1:32 pm. #
Hey, I love my in-laws but sometimes you have to remind them about certain things.
Gosh, I am praying that Claira’s screams lighten up. When Manly begins to scream at night I just want to collapse. I know, I’m like a little kid, right? It just seems so UNFAIR. (Yes, even more like a child. Sue me.) When I am trying to clean the house does my child really have to start screaming?
P.S. Even though we haven’t met, (yet) I heart you.
by Amber on February 11, 2010 at 9:31 pm. #
love these letters! the grocery cashier one, especially. i hope he/she secretly reads your blog.
have a wonderful time with the inlaws this weekend! (just do what i do and tell everyone to squint when they walk indoors. OR, hey! inspiration! have a box full of really dark sunglasses sitting by the door with a sign: ‘to enhance your enjoyment of this visit, please wear a pair at all times. yes, even in the shower. *especially* in the shower.’)
by nic on February 12, 2010 at 6:13 am. #
I adore your Kim letters!
Dear Life,
Slow down please, I want to get off!
Screamingly,
Kim … and An Ordinary Mom :) !!
by An Ordinary Mom on March 10, 2010 at 2:19 pm. #