Letters from Kim – #10
by Kym on April 27, 2010
Dear Neil,
Thank you for making such an impressively huge mess while I was away. Truly. I am in awe. And I’m so grateful that you didn’t do my job better than me. After the (positive) emotional upheaval of the last few days it was nice to come home and feel so desperately needed.
Much love,
She-Who-Knows-How-Lucky-She-Is
p.s. Umm…why are there stickers everywhere?
Dear Emma,
I am greedy and selfish. Mommy-time trumps Kindergarten. Just this once. Just this one day each year when something in me feels all wrong and imbalanced. I love how thrilled you were this morning. Love how you exclaimed that you would snuggle me all day since I’d been missing you so much.
Oh that heart of yours. How does it fit inside your tiny little chest?
Love,
Mommy
p.s. I love that your teacher is a mother too, and that she laughed when I confessed why I was keeping you home. Being understood is oh so sweet.
Dear Becca,
You give loud squishy kisses that make my heart melt and laugh all in the same moment. It’s no wonder I’ve been feeling a little hollow inside without those to fill me up.
I love you more than chocolate. I love you more than books. I love you more than cheese. I love you more than everything. And yes, darling, “that’s a lot.”
Love,
Mommy
Dear Claira,
You may have woken me up twenty minutes after I fell asleep but I adore you. The way you lit up and kicked your feet and squealed happily at the sight of me is a mental video clip I need to learn how to play over and over again. Discouragement and self-doubt could never take root in me if I could only hold on to that.
I didn’t think you would miss me. I doubted my importance that much. Thank you, my I-hate-to-cuddle baby, for curling up against me this morning and burying your face against me as if you just couldn’t get close enough.
Love,
Mommy
Dear Bootcamp Group,
Four pages was nowhere near enough. I want to know what happens next!
Need a reader? Email me? Please?
In an agony of suspense,
The Crazy Canadian Chick from Your Bootcamp Table
p.s. Seriously. I’m not just being nice. You are one talented bunch and I want to read more.
Dear Friends,
There wasn’t enough time, and I don’t know how there possibly could have been, or could ever be. I’m already feeling a yearning to return, except with no agenda. No classes to attend. Nothing to learn except how very wonderful you are. Some of you I only had a precious few minutes with and some of you barely that. My social awkwardness was very much in evidence once again. It manifests itself in nervous giggling and talking and also following my comfort-zone-person everywhere (sorry Dedee).
Thank you for sweetness. For hugs and for smiles across crowded rooms. For giggling and whispering and note passing. For being the like-minded and like-hearted people you are. I would list you all by name and go on at length about your many awesome aspects, but I already divided my time amongst you inequally and I fear to do the same here.
Know that you are loved.
Your friend,
Kim
Dear Body,
Thank you for only gaining one pound on our holiday. Considering the amount of chocolate you had access to this is beyond impressive.
Grudingly admitting you’re not as bad as you could be,
The Girl Who’s To Blame for the State of Your Knees
p.s. You’re dehydrated. Sorry about that.
Dear Part of Kim that Wants to be a Writer,
What are you willing to sacrifice? TV? Blogging? Crocheting? Umm…sock matching? It’s becoming pretty clear that you aren’t making the time. You’re a dabbler and you know it. Do you want this badly enough? Are you willing to admit, even just to yourself, that you wake up each morning yearning to write? And what are you willing to do about this? How early are you willing to get up? Or how late are you willing to stretch your waking hours?
Experiment. Struggle. If you’re not exhausted and ready to give up you’re probably not working hard enough. I ask you again. Do you want this badly enough?
It’s time to find out.
Love,
The Part of You Who Understands How Mind Numbingly Hard This is Going to be
25 comments
I wish I would have been able to meet you while you were here!
by Kristina P. on April 27, 2010 at 12:07 pm. #
I wish I had been there–wah! I would have followed you and Dedee around. As for whether or not you want it badly enough–I suspect they ask you to ask yourself this question at these conferences. Yet, I think you can truly want it as enough as you need to–and still get caught up in T.V. and matching socks. Being the mother of three small children is a bit over-whelming at best. Just because you are exhausted and only get to “dabble” in writing does not mean you don’t want it enough. It means you know what your priorities are. You are very talented and super smart. Kids grow super fast and one day (soon–so much sooner than you know) they will all be in school. You will still be young and even smarter b/c you won’t be sleep deprived and you will write your book(s). Because I know you want it enough even if you don’t.
by Heidi Ashworth on April 27, 2010 at 12:23 pm. #
I give up t.v. for the most part. I still sneak in a girl’s night twice a month after the kids are asleep. We all meet up at the movie theater to see the latest chick flick. You would not believe how it renews me. You’ll find your balance, Kim and you should definitely keep writing. I was sad I only got to talk to you for a few seconds. That conference was jam packed and I was exhausted by the time it was over. I even left early on Saturday, before the National Panel. I was so done.
Thanks for the chocolates. Next time–if I go next time–I’ll remember to do that for my friends. That was a nice surprise.
by Susan Auten on April 27, 2010 at 12:43 pm. #
PS-I made some ‘deals’ with my husband before I left and it must have worked–my house looked better than I left it.
by Susan Auten on April 27, 2010 at 12:44 pm. #
Kimberly –
Guess what I am having this Wednesday night? Yup, my first official critque group. Marilyn and myself and a couple of other ladies that live close by. I am thinking that we might have to explore the possibility of a webcam or something like that to have you join from time to time. What do you think? Serisously, I love your writing style and your ability to cut to the chase as we do the rounds.
Missing our bootcamp group,
Ben
by Ben Hutchins on April 27, 2010 at 12:59 pm. #
I think i need to write a few letters of my own. But where I am now is I am just writing. Writing and reading–We’ll see where it takes me.
It was GREAT seeing you, you looked great–next year, I will be at Boot camp! Hopefully. If I sign up FAST enough. :)
But for sure–first chapters contest.
by one cluttered brain on April 27, 2010 at 2:51 pm. #
oh, I’m so glad I’ve found you . this was exactly what I needed to hear today.
I wish you all the best in however this plays out. With small children, you are probably constantly feeling pulled in every direction .
Mine are older, but it really ends up being always something. The schedules are unpredictable and the nights are late, and well.
I made a decision to give up my part time business. I realize this is a luxury others may not have. But I sometimes feel like I have so many creative outlets, that nothing gets “finished” Nothing gets so much effort and attention that I get to see what might happen if.
So , I want to see if I am a writer.
There. I said it.
I would love to go to a writing conference. Kudos to you for taking the time to do this.
sorry for the ramble… wow.
by deb @ talk at the table on April 27, 2010 at 4:11 pm. #
and it’s nice to meet another Canadian , btw.
by deb @ talk at the table on April 27, 2010 at 4:15 pm. #
Dear Kim,
You’re missed. Excessively so. Yes, L.T. is happy that you’re happily reunited with your loved ones and your new goals. Yes, L.T. knows that she can’t possibly follow you home like a lost puppy, although the temptation to do just that was stronger than she cares to admit. Yes, everything is as it should be.
But it doesn’t change the fact that it was physically painful to leave you at the airport.
Love,
L.T.
p.s. I’m so bloody proud of you, it’s bigger than I can say. You’re incredible, woman. Know that.
by L.T. Elliot on April 27, 2010 at 4:41 pm. #
I love your letters! I know I say that every time, but seriously, I love them. The ones to your family are just so sweet and good and wise and moving. And you always make me laugh and feel inspired.
GO KIM! ;)
by Heather of the EO on April 27, 2010 at 5:19 pm. #
What wonderful letters! I especially like the ones to your family. They’re so sweet. :)
by Mckenzie on April 27, 2010 at 8:04 pm. #
Dear Kim,
I am so thrilled that your weekend went so fabulously! It sounds like you learned a lot (and I am jealous of all the lovely ladies you got to meet). Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are not a dabbler. You are merely in a season right now in your life where it is hard to give your all to your writing because you are sacrificing so much for you tender little ones. But you will be blessed and if you keep moving forward in your writing, you will accomplish what you yearn for. I know you can … and so does the Lord.
And besides which, who says we have to accomplish all of our dreams and aspirations in the first few decades of our life? Honey, you have time to do it all :) !! Patience is a virtue :) !!
Hugs,
Your Dear Friend Who Does Not Get To Enjoy You In Person Often Enough
by An Ordinary Mom on April 27, 2010 at 10:44 pm. #
Loved this entire post, from start to finish.
I was thinking today what a grand time the conference was, and then, how grand blogging is, that we can still connect, despite great distances and challenges and time constraints.
“How mind numbingly hard this is going to be.” Yes. It feels a little like I’m at the bottom of the Himalayas and realizing just how many footsteps between Here and There it will take to do so many writerly things to Get There.
But worth it? Yes. It will be.
PS: I had a comfort-zone-person @ the conference, too (my friend, Teri, who also was a mission companion oh-so-many-years ago — you took pics of us the last day). :)
by Terresa Wellborn on April 27, 2010 at 10:58 pm. #
Ditto others on the awesome letters, especially to family and self. I’m glad your experience was a good one and sorry you didn’t have more time to just hang. Like you say, no amount of time would be enough anyway!
I totally imagine myself at a bloggy get together much as you mention, except without the “comfort-zone person” (perfect way to put it). I feel as though I would sort of float around feeling a little out of place. But it would be worth the weirdness of that to meet so many people I’ve come to love!
by LisAway on April 27, 2010 at 11:06 pm. #
Writers write, whenever we can. If that means blogging, then good. Blogging is writing, especially when the posts are so well done. Writers write, but we also parent our children and feed our husbands and volunteer at school. We clean, when we can no longer avoid it. We mate socks. We nap. And we write. You have permission to feel good about your priorities, and about your great (and small) accomplishments. XOXO
by Becca on April 28, 2010 at 5:51 am. #
I thought I left a comment yesterday! :(
It was so incredibly wonderful to meet you! You are exactly what I expected: gracious, sweet, down-to-earth, and beautiful!
Thanks for the chocolate. ;) It was really yummy!
by Rebecca on April 28, 2010 at 9:16 am. #
Hugging a baby is like trying to snuggle a porcupine. I hate it. And then I hear myself saying things to my other kids like, “G-Dog! I love you, son, but I have got to have some personal space!” And then I don’t try to force myself on Miscellany. Which is why, as it is with little Claira, I really savor it when, on rare occasion, she nestles in for a good hug.
I have this little sense in the back of my mind that there’s something for me to write, but I’m not quite ready to let it loose. I truly can’t give up the matched socks without giving up some small portion of my sanity — and we all know my grip on that is tenuous at best. So I’ve kind of made a conscious decision lately to just take care of the things that need to be taken care of in order to help me cope with the stress of mothering four very young children, and once they’ve moved past what I’m certain will be the most time-consuming and labor-intensive (I mean hard, physical labor — not the emotional labor of parenting teens. I actually look forward to the teenage set. See what I said earlier about a tenuous grip on sanity?) years of my mothering experience. It’s hard. And I’m convinced that you really can’t have it all. You can’t take on something without giving up time spent elsewhere. Maybe that’s TV. Maybe that’s soccer games and ballet recitals. Maybe that’s blogging.
I think I helped you here absolutely not at all.
by InkMom on April 28, 2010 at 9:44 am. #
No! Hugging MY baby! And I love hugging her . . . but I hate it that she acts like a porcupine!
This is what happens when I multitask.
by InkMom on April 28, 2010 at 9:45 am. #
I sure relate to that last letter more than I wish I did…is that a grammatically correct sentence??
And loving someone more than you love cheese, that’s deep. Seriously, I lived in France for 16 months. Cheese is precious. :)
by emilyf on April 28, 2010 at 1:04 pm. #
And I love InkMom. And LT. And so many others. . .
Dearest Darling Kim,
Um yeah.
What you said.
And you ventured out on your own a few times. :P
And I’m thinking that next time there’s no conference in the way, or we go to less of it?
Yeah.
Eowyn
by Eowyn on April 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm. #
Dear Kim,
Good luck on your writing and your mommying and your wifing. I think you are so cute.
Warmest Wishes,
Your friend, Kazzy
by Kazzy on April 28, 2010 at 1:08 pm. #
Why does it feel there just ISN’T enough time to chat with those we so dearly desire to meet? Still, those few precious minutes I talked with you were wonderful. Thank you so much for the delightful chocolates. They were splendid, especially with my husband gone. ; )
Your Claira sounds an awful lot like my Emmy. Emily refused to snuggle. Now, though, she loves to snuggle. It is so wonderful!
by Amber on April 28, 2010 at 1:54 pm. #
I’m so thankful I ran into you–even if it was just for the last few seconds of the conference. You are beautiful inside and out!
by Lori on April 28, 2010 at 5:21 pm. #
I am glad I got to see you and hug you and WISH there was more time and nothing to do. You. Are. Awesome.
by julie wright on April 29, 2010 at 6:20 am. #
Dear Kim, I’m behind on blog reading and visiting. Sorry to be slow. When I got home from Women’s Conference, my husband had the house clean and spotless as he always does when I go away. Sometimes it ticks me off, but then I hear stories about how the kids missed the bus and he left them at home to run errands, and ate at restaurants the last half of the trip, etc. and then I realize… “They can make it LOOK like they were fine with out me, but this (pointing to myself) is what makes our family FUNCTION.”
And I think we all need to give up a little bit more of something we “enjoy” to achieve more of something we “value.” All of us.
by Stephanie on May 7, 2010 at 10:57 am. #