I Love You More Than Chocolate
by Kym on July 7, 2010
“I love you Becca.”
“I love you bigger, Mommy.”
“I love you biggest!”
“I love you more than chocolate!”
“That’s a lot!”
“It sure is.”
This conversation happened spontaneously one day last year and has been repeated countless times since. Sometimes we love each other more than books, or puppies or bubble baths, but always we come back to chocolate. “I love you more than chocolate,” I whispered to her as we cuddled the other day. But instead of listening attentively to her response I was listening to a nasty little voice in my head say, You wouldn’t know it, the way you’ve been eating lately.
Ouch.
I’ve spent years trying to shut out that nasty little voice. Even when it’s right. Even when its words are liberally DRIPPING with truth. Because it’s nasty and nastiness is poison to the soul, in my opinion. But it’s harder this time. Because I so desperately want to show my family that I do, indeed, love them more than chocolate. And not just chocolate, but other unhealthy habits that I allow to dominate my life. I love my family more than junk food, and too much time on the computer, and lazing about instead of playing with them outside and being active the way I know they love for me to be.
But nastiness isn’t the path to love. How could it be? Neither is guilt and self-flagellation. The decision to change is one I have to make, true, but without the overbearing pressure of self-loathing. Because that isn’t inspiring or motivating, it’s paralyzing.
I do love my family more than chocolate and today I’m taking a moment to remember that and reflect on it, mulling over the many things I need to do and change and be. Mostly, I’m thinking about needing to show them I love them MORE, and the choices I can make to do that.
How do you show your family you love them more?
First Week of July Weight Loss: 4.1 pounds!
18 comments
What a sweet conversation to have with your kiddo! :) Hee.
Sometimes life is such a balancing act, isn’t it? I usually find that when I feel things are overwhelming or extremely chaotic, I need to step back and look at my priorities. Usually they are screwed up. LoL
This post was a great reminder. Thanks, Kim.
Kenzie
by Anonymous on July 7, 2010 at 9:25 am. #
It’s true. It’s hard sometimes. I get easily distracted and need to spend less time watching TV, and more time snuggling with my husband.
by Kristina P. on July 7, 2010 at 10:51 am. #
Oh this rings true in way too many ways… Sometimes I just have to turn off everything… the cell, the computer, the tv… Last night we grilled out on the deck and sat and ate together with no interruptions… it was true family love :)
by Petra on July 7, 2010 at 11:56 am. #
Don’t we all do this? I show them I love them more by writing when they are at all school so that I can spend time with them when they get home. I show them I love them by cooking so we can enjoy a healthy meal together. I show them I love them by speaking kindly, and keeping my cool even when it’s hard.
by Susan Auten on July 7, 2010 at 12:04 pm. #
I have been soooo bad lately, because I am so overly-involved in school. Little personal notes. Nice meals. Folded laundry. Man, I hope this is cutting it…
by Kazzy on July 7, 2010 at 1:14 pm. #
I’m constantly battling that little voice in my head! When you figure out how to shut “her” up let me know! (Congrats on your weight loss success this week!)
by Jane on July 7, 2010 at 2:29 pm. #
Great reminder. Since my kids are older, lately, my way of showing love is trying to do things with just one kid at a time–”Mom and me” activities. Sometimes it’s taking a kid grocery shopping (she LIKES this) or just holing up with a book and some treats. I have to make a real point of it, or days can go by, and next thing I know, I haven’t spent any real time with them–so easy to do now that they can pretty much take care of their physical needs on their own.
Way to go on your weight loss! (Said as I eat chocolate chips . . . )
by Annette on July 7, 2010 at 5:29 pm. #
For me it’s read aloud time. And baking things with them and for them. It’s playing a game of Uno when it’s the last thing I want to do.
Congrats on the 4 lbs!
by Mrs. Organic on July 7, 2010 at 9:12 pm. #
Congrats on the weight loss. I too am trying to take better care of me and my habits to share my love with my family.
by Amber Lynae on July 7, 2010 at 9:54 pm. #
Such good thoughts. I have a constant struggle with this, because my kids are out of the”needy” stages, and in to the real needs – that they need to know they’re more important to me than my selfish pleasures and indulgences. I try to take it a minute at a time, but I do spend plenty of those minutes reminding them that this food or that clean carpet are signs that I love them more than a nap. (Lowering the bar is my summer pastime.)
by Becca on July 8, 2010 at 7:58 am. #
When my ten-year-old was little he used to tell me, “I love you how far Bluto (Pluto) is.” I miss that.
by Melanie J on July 8, 2010 at 8:19 am. #
What an absolutely fantastic post. I think no matter what I’ll be battling that inner voice. After all, what are we without it? It is consciousness both parts good and bad. But gaining control over my actions is the real feat. The voice may live on, but I don’t always have to adhere to its nastiness, per se. Instead, shifting from negative thoughts about myself to positive ones has been my goal lately. There is a long list of things I would love to change. But I have to remember to start small, start SOMETHING, so that I can reach them all one tiny step at a time.
Congrats on your weight loss. I know how good it feels. Keep it up!
by Sarah on July 8, 2010 at 9:10 am. #
hooray for the weight loss.
and I am so so thankful for new every morning.
by deb@talk at the table on July 8, 2010 at 9:16 am. #
Let me say first of all that your writing is fattening to the soul and I love it!
Second, I’ve always been the-kid-that-shows-up-to-show-and-tell-with-some-month-old-forgotten-thing-at-the-bottom-of-my-backpack kind of planner/goal maker. I hate making goals! I don’t want to guarantee my failure, ya know? That’s how I always viewed goals.
Then one day I spoke to a helpful man and he said, without knowing this about me, “Make a goal. Envision yourself as having already made it, that you’re there living your goal, and then from there, look back to now and see how you made it. That’s your plan.”
I wrote it down because I knew I’d need it. What a positive way of seeing plan making! I love seeing myself as successful and not as I were wont to: reaching up, looking at the failing distance between my fingertips and the stars.
If my goal is to become an author, I can envision myself sitting at that book signing and having a brief moment of reflection,”my, look how far I’ve come! And to think it only took…”
ex:
Every day write down any good ideas I get.
Every week research a new idea
Every month research a place where I might submit that idea
Every month write a rough draft for an idea
Every six months make one or two first drafts to polish up
Every year submit one or two final drafts to a publisher
Is that so hard to do? Not from the perspective of a successful and happy onlooker! :)
And, I hear you about wanting to lose chub. But there are many more ways to being healthy than just being thin. You can do it, because you can do anything. You’re amazing! Start from the top, work your way down, literally! :)
by emilyf on July 8, 2010 at 3:44 pm. #
By putting down a fantastic book to play “Trouble” instead. That’s love, my friend.
by Average Girl on July 8, 2010 at 4:55 pm. #
There is something that I’ve read that Gabor Maté has written several times (at least I think he has, remember reading it at least twice), and that is if you have a choice between feeling guilty about doing something or feeling bitter about doing something, always choose feeling guilty.
I think I’d go a bit further and say that if you can find a decision which you can feel neither it’s even better. So if eating makes you feel guilty, but not eating junk makes you bitter about not being able to take control of your own decisions, choose eating junk.
Still, find a way that you can enjoy your “abstinence” from those addictive patterns. Addictions are your mind’s way of doing 2 things. Positively they help you deal with your pain. Negatively, they are the mind’s way to strengthen ego. The “self’s” hold on your life.
Jigme Datse Rasku
by Jigme Datse Rasku on July 9, 2010 at 3:02 pm. #
“I love you more than chocolate!”
That is H U G E!! And wonderful sweet awesome!!
I started waking up earlier and not turning my computer on until as late as I can stand it. That has helped me put my children first. We have family game time, family movie time, and make treats together. That helps put family first. But it’s an ongoing struggle (family time vs me time…I SO want to write, and Just Can Never Write Enough. Or organize enough. Or, or, or…).
PS: So happy for your weight loss! My husband is down several pounds as well!!
by Terresa Wellborn on July 12, 2010 at 1:33 pm. #
First off, congrats on your first week of July weight loss – woo hoo! Go Kim!
Second off, you are creating such amazing memories for your kids to cherish later than life. You are a remarkable mother, perfect for their needs!
Lastly, it is very hard to be happy in life when we are constantly talking negatively about ourselves. I hope you can keep that pesky and poisonous voice quiet and instead concentrate on the positive and encouraging voice that motivates us to be better!
by An Ordinary Mom on July 13, 2010 at 12:23 pm. #