Our house is old. It sits atop a windy hill and its dark brown paint is faded and peeling. Woodpeckers often peck at it hopefully, their tickety-tap-tapping amusing and infuriating all in one moment. Inside, the sunken living room and rough rock fireplace attest to its year of origin, and the rough walls have recently been stripped of the pastel wallpaper the previous owner favoured. All the walls are eggshell white, countered by the warmth of[...]
Author Archive
I first became aware of my self-destructive nature when I was eighteen years old. It was 1996, my first year of university, and the first time that I truly felt the full weight of my agency – my ability to choose. I was living in the attic of my Grandma’s house. A huge, sprawling room with worn, musty smelling carpeting and a windowseat that looked out over the back garden and the park beyond.
Despite all[...]
Dear Friends,
Did you ever grasp a truth but grasp it imperfectly? As if you’d managed to catch a wee bitty corner of it between your fingers and somehow missed all the rest? I do that often. Have done throughout my life and continue to even now,
Dear Teenage Boys Dressed in Black, Walking ON the Black Icy Road in the Dark,
Dudes. Seriously?
Grateful Not to Have Accidentally KILLED You,
The Lady Who You Should be REALLY Glad Had Her Brights On
Dear Writing Contest Judges,
I’m using you and I apologize. I didn’t enter to win. I entered to force you to tell me WHY I can’t win so next time I can ROCK that contest.
Abashedly,
The Amateur Writer Who Would Give You I’m-Sorry Chocolate if it Wouldn’t[...]
(Previous post removed for personal reasons.)
I’m trying to find a way to laugh at myself today. It’s another Monday-ish Monday, full of weekend mess and mayhem, sick kids, a writing deadline looming, and as the comic implies, an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy.
I wish I were less perceptive. And yeah, that’s kind of a backhanded way to give myself a compliment especially because in many ways I am so NOT. But I can look at my life and[...]
You know how “they” say that you’ve got to love yourself? That it’s key to making positive changes in your life? Yeah, I’ve always thought that was a load of hooey. After all, if you love yourself as you are, where’s the motivation for change? I’ve always gone the self-loathing route. Hate myself till, despite the despair and misery, I somehow find the energy to change.
Well, I did that for a couple decades and it[...]
Oh. My.
Teething baby at 6am.
First post-baby period started.
Voice just a painful froggy remnant of its former self.
Nasty stuffed up sinuses.
Girls up at 6:30am.
A sick Emma staying home from school.
New plotlines and characters bouncing around in my head demanding to be written.
Too many demands.
HOWEVER…
Making pancakes for Becca as a promised reward for using the potty right before bed (woot!).
Claira has been marginally happy.
Weight is down again to 204.6 despite evening snacks last night and despite first day of period.
Girls have[...]
And it came to pass in the year of the Vancouver hosted Olympics, that a certain woman of great size did decide to reduce herself. Yea, even to bring about the removal of five and fifty pounds from her beleagured frame.
Her efforts were valiant, if sometimes misguided, and marvelous was her progress. Pop, she did shun. Potato chips she did shun. Yea, even the sweet succulence of scrumptious cookies did she shun.
But then cameth the cream[...]
Apologies if yours doesn’t and this makes you feel bad. But sometimes, a mommy just HAS to brag it up.
That is all.
Some days, it is enough just to get out of bed and land on my feet instead of my knees. To shower. To dress. To make breakfast from the fridge instead of the cupboards. To move rather than slouch on the couch.
Some days, it is enough just to live. Some days, that’s all I have in me. Back to square one. No frills or gimmicks. No extras. No going[...]
