Dear Friends,
Did you ever grasp a truth but grasp it imperfectly? As if you’d managed to catch a wee bitty corner of it between your fingers and somehow missed all the rest? I do that often. Have done throughout my life and continue to even now,
Archive for the ‘Humour?’ Category
And it came to pass in the year of the Vancouver hosted Olympics, that a certain woman of great size did decide to reduce herself. Yea, even to bring about the removal of five and fifty pounds from her beleagured frame.
Her efforts were valiant, if sometimes misguided, and marvelous was her progress. Pop, she did shun. Potato chips she did shun. Yea, even the sweet succulence of scrumptious cookies did she shun.
But then cameth the cream[...]
Apologies if yours doesn’t and this makes you feel bad. But sometimes, a mommy just HAS to brag it up.
That is all.
Dear Tailgater in the Black SUV,
I don’t do the road rage thing. It’s my low pain threshold I think. White knuckled clenching of the steering wheel hurts and I am all for avoiding pain.
So I pity you. Or maybe just your knuckles because you? Are a jerk.
Tailgating someone for miles and then swerving out past them at the first opportunity with a certain finger raised doesn’t really entitle you to pity. If it weren’t for[...]
Dear Scale,
We have a long history you and I. I’ve even built shrines in your honour. But you’ve been unmasked as the foul fraud that you are. Yes, I caught you. Caught you in the act! And I will never, ever, trust you again.
Au Revoir,
She Who Does NOT Weigh the Same With and Without Clothes On
Dear Cheese,
I miss you.
With Great Affection,
Kimberly
Dear Lego,
I know we’re not close. We haven’t really bonded the way that you[...]
Dear Garage,
It was particularly spiteful of you to clip the side view mirror like that yesterday. Just because I invade you on a daily basis and briefly fill you with noxious fumes is no reason to get nasty! I tattled on you but Neil has refused my request to have you hazed to the ground. Apparently I overestimated the power of my womanly wiles. He claims to believe it was my fault, but I know the[...]
I haven’t shaved my legs since before Claira was born.
My leg hair is long enough to braid now.
Luckily I’m still managing to feel feminine.
Of course, it’s hard not to when you’re suddenly an E cup.
I recently donated all my button-up shirts to charity.
Neil keeps wrecking my Nobly-Suffering-in-Silence routine by telling everyone when I’m having a hard time and he’s doing so GLEEFULLY. Tonight he told me that he “told the neighbour” on me and that there’s no point hiding[...]
Dear Emma,
Stop it with the growing taller thing, okay? It’s seriously freaking me out. I can hardly believe I have a daughter who’s old enough to go to school, but add to that the fact you’re as tall as some nine year olds and it really sets my head to spinning. Also, could I have just a few more details about this whole kindergarten experience? Exclamations of “It was SO fun! We played LOTS of[...]
I am going to spend the entirety of my day doing whatever I darn well feel like. The end result could be very interesting indeed…or perhaps, rather dull, since my list of things I really want to do includes things like bubble baths and favourite books and copious amounts of baked goods. My long cherished desire of jumping out of a plane some day is being postponed at the request of my husband who says I’m welcome to[...]
Dear Old Lady in the Peach Slacks and Black Van Halen T-Shirt,
Honey, I just about ran you over. I know we’re a small town and people here make a habit of NOT running people over, because we’re so nice and small-town-Canadian like that. But when you step off the curb directly in front of a car, that isn’t so much jay walking as it is wishing for death. Crossing over into your seventh decade does not make[...]
