Temporary? Insanity

Dear Teenage Boys Dressed in Black, Walking ON the Black Icy Road in the Dark,
Dudes. Seriously?
Grateful Not to Have Accidentally KILLED You,
The Lady Who You Should be REALLY Glad Had Her Brights On
Dear Writing Contest Judges,
I’m using you and I apologize. I didn’t enter to win. I entered to force you to tell me WHY I can’t win so next time I can ROCK that contest.
Abashedly,
The Amateur Writer Who Would Give You I’m-Sorry Chocolate if it Wouldn’t[...]

Dear Tailgater in the Black SUV,
I don’t do the road rage thing. It’s my low pain threshold I think. White knuckled clenching of the steering wheel hurts and I am all for avoiding pain.
So I pity you. Or maybe just your knuckles because you? Are a jerk.
Tailgating someone for miles and then swerving out past them at the first opportunity with a certain finger raised doesn’t really entitle you to pity. If it weren’t for[...]

Dear Scale,
We have a long history you and I. I’ve even built shrines in your honour. But you’ve been unmasked as the foul fraud that you are. Yes, I caught you. Caught you in the act! And I will never, ever, trust you again.
Au Revoir,
She Who Does NOT Weigh the Same With and Without Clothes On
Dear Cheese,
I miss you.
With Great Affection,
Kimberly
Dear Lego,
I know we’re not close. We haven’t really bonded the way that you[...]

Dear Garage,
It was particularly spiteful of you to clip the side view mirror like that yesterday. Just because I invade you on a daily basis and briefly fill you with noxious fumes is no reason to get nasty! I tattled on you but Neil has refused my request to have you hazed to the ground. Apparently I overestimated the power of my womanly wiles. He claims to believe it was my fault, but I know the[...]

Dear Fellow in the Red Pick-up Truck,
I like to be fair. I like to think that when someone whizzes past me on the road that perhaps something very, very serious is going on and I should be sympathetic rather than annoyed. But when someone suddenly speeds up because, heaven forbid, a mini-van is trying to merge in front of them, I become a little suspicious. And when that speed is of such an intensity and suddenness that[...]

Dear Emma,

Stop it with the growing taller thing, okay? It’s seriously freaking me out. I can hardly believe I have a daughter who’s old enough to go to school, but add to that the fact you’re as tall as some nine year olds and it really sets my head to spinning. Also, could I have just a few more details about this whole kindergarten experience? Exclamations of “It was SO fun! We played LOTS of[...]

Dear Old Lady in the Peach Slacks and Black Van Halen T-Shirt,

Honey, I just about ran you over. I know we’re a small town and people here make a habit of NOT running people over, because we’re so nice and small-town-Canadian like that. But when you step off the curb directly in front of a car, that isn’t so much jay walking as it is wishing for death. Crossing over into your seventh decade does not make[...]