Your yard looks like a candy cane that I could just yum right up, and while you won’t catch me licking your porch posts or anything, you can be sure that I’ll be admiring (from afar, I promise) all throughout the season. Thanks for classing our neighbourhood up a bit.

With a serious case of decor-envy,
Your Neighbour Down the Street

Dear Neighbours with the red-and-only-red Christmas lights,

The way the red lights play off the white snow in your yard is . . . well, interesting. I’m sure you’re meaning to be festive, but the mood you’re creating is more blood-in-the-moonlight than rejoice-and-be-merry. In fact, I try not to make eye contact when driving by your house and when I do I have this panicky quick-hide-the-children! sort of feeling.

Apologizing for my overly vivid imagination,
The Nice Gal Around the Corner Who Waves Whenever She Sees You Walking Your Dogs

Dear Multimedia Christmas Card I created (with video clips and everything),

Where are you?! I remember saving you. I remember emailing you to myself. But mostly I remember spending FIVE HOURS bringing you to life.

With a sinking feeling of dread,
She Who Will Likely Be Losing Some Sleep in a Futile Attempt to Recreate You

Dear Bathroom Reno,

People told us that reno’s always cost twice as much as you expect them too. We laughed. We thought it was a joke. But it’s okay, because you’re for Neil and he deserves every single penny that you end up costing. So there.

With plans for a very frugal Christmas,
She Who Plans to Focus on Her Husband’s Delight More than the Bank Balance

Dear Book that I Finished,

Stop popping back into my head like that. I finished you. We are DONE. Through. Finis. Finito. OVER. I have a new story I love and that I want to focus on. Stop with the whining about how you need more revisions. Yes, yes, the setting is a little flat, the dialogue could use a bit of spice, but really, you’re fine for now. I’ll fix you later.

Oh sure, I suppose you had nothing to do with the Superman song playing on the radio the other day, or the way a line a comedian said on the radio made me think of one of your main characters and how much funnier he could be. Total coincidence, right?

You wore me out. I rewrote you so many times, and made you so much better than you were. Can’t that be enough for now?

With a worrying feeling that the new story might have to be set aside for awhile,
She Who is Hostage to Her Muse

Dear Kim,

Stop being so mean to me. I’m a person of worth. I’ve got potential, and you know it. Stop mentally berating yourself, do what you know you should be, and get on with life. Self-reflection is good and all, but not if it ends up paralyzing you. Live, write, laugh, love! Do the things that make you happy instead of focusing on all the things you’re not doing, should be doing, etc . . .

If you were as nice to yourself as you are to others (well, most of the time, anyway), we’d both be a lot better off.

Much love,
You

Has the world gone MAD?!

Believing the answer to that question to be self-evident,

She who is going shopping for salad fixings pretty much immediately.

Dear Readers,

I’m all for out-of-the-box thinking, colouring outside the lines, non-conformity (I’m teaching my kids to count to 27 instead of 10—non-conformity is the new black, you know), and all that jazz. And yet, I want to put you IN a box. I’m contradictory like that. Click here to learn the amazing benefits of cramming yourself into my itty-bitty box.

Much love,

She who loves attempting to purchase your affections with tawdry (but awesome) gifts

Dear World,

My book is complete. Manuscript is submitted. It’s time to live, breathe, and fill my well. So world? Look out. Here I come. To enjoy you.

Yearningly,

She was has been cooped up inside for far too long


If you could write a letter to anyone or anything, what would you say?